(Closed) Almost our 2 yr. anniversary and I am afraid I made a big mistake

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
113 posts
Blushing bee

What is your mistake centerd on, exactly?

It sounds like both you and Darling Husband are having some relationship issues and aren’t having needs met. When two people lack intimacy, the special dynamic of the union goes out the window (typically). It sounds like that has happened for you two; this is when you have to guard yourself and work for your relationship so it survives…if you want that, of course. Some don’t want to work at it.

I get the impression that your man can’t feel very good/confident/like a “man” due to his sexual performance. Culturally, that’s promoted as being “the man,” so if you aren’t performing…you, on some level, aren’t masculine enough. Dumb, but it’s a mind trip often with very real consequences. 

Can he separate intimacy from sex? Some folks think intimacy = sex/sexual things, not the hand holding, cuddling, general closeness you’re referring to. How does he respond if you do initiate these things? What was his diagnosis, even (if you care to share)?

This is a touchy topic. If necessary, and for the sake of your marriage, hire someone else to help with renovations. That situation could be a slippery slope, even though all is fine at the moment. I’m slightly baffled as to why you think getting married was a mistake. Things happen, people “break,” things don’t go according to plan. There is no reason this situation cannot be fixed! Your man is going to need great love, patience, and understanding; your heart and presence will help him, even if you don’t see the immediate manifestations. Can you do that for him?

Post # 4
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Izzzypop: It sounds to me like you are sexually frustrated, so the guy working on your house is suddenly looking appealing to you, especially because he’s nice and you enjoy talking with him. I agree with PP that if you continue to be tempted by him, it may be best to find someone else to work on the house, or at the very least make sure you are never alone with him if you feel like you can’t trust yourself when it comes to him.

I agree with PP that there’s a difference between cuddling together/intimacy and sex. If you make the first effort and try to cuddle with him or hold his hand, does he push away?

I don’t really understand why this would cause you to question your marriage completely. Marriage is tough, and this is one of the trials and tribulations you are facing as a couple. Not to sound harsh, but you need to evaluate whether you are 100% committed if one bump in the road is making you question whether you should have married him.

Post # 5
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think you guys just arent spending enough quality time together. You need to get back to that place where you enjoy being around eachother. Do something goofy together. It also sounds a bit like you miss your sex life. I would just encourage you to talk to him. Communication is key. 

Post # 6
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

You didn’t make a mistake getting married. You made a mistake when you didn’t realize that with age people and their bodies change.  When you marry someone that should be a given.  Perhaps before you feel as though divorce is your only option, you should go see a sex and relationship therapist. Learn other techniques for intimacy and get a mediator involved.

On another note, I don’t think the sex life is your entire issue, perhaps your emotional affair is getting in the way as well. That’s what you’re having.  Remove yourself from that situation.

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