(Closed) Almost to my breaking point….please give opinions

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

How are you still debating the guest list one month before the wedding? I would let him deal with his mother, she sounds like a nightmare.

Post # 4
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow that’s a crazy situation – no matter what she says, it IS your day NOT hers or the “family’s,” regardless of what she says!! It sounds like she’s trying to live vicariously through you on your wedding day – too bad you’re sad, lady, this is your future daughter-in-law here! I agree with PP – you need to get the FH in on this one, she’s out of control. Good luck!!!

Post # 5
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

With only a month left I’m surprised that your guest list isn’t finalized.  When are you planning to send out your invites?  I assume you are on quite a time crunch to sort this out.  Unless your future inlaws are paying for a LARGE portion of the wedding they can not dictate how many people are invited.  If you are paying, you have to decide what amount of people you can reasonably afford, split the list fairly, and give her the number of invites that she is allowed.  If she continues to complain give her the option of paying for all of the costs associated with her additional guests (if you’re comfortable with that option).  If you simply don’t want a lot of people there because you want an intimate wedding, then you need to tell her that and put your foot down.  She can complain all she wants but she had her wedding and this is your wedding (unless of course she is hosting the event, then she does get some say).  As far as the unity candle goes just ignore her, that is not her place to have an opinion on.  She may have been looking forward to taking part in that tradition, but if you feel uncomfortable because you basically have two moms in the picture and you don’t want to make someone feel left out then she has to respect that.  We didn’t even have a unity candle at our wedding so it’s not like this is something that mothers always always get to do.  Lastly, I would say you need your fiance to get involved here.  He needs to stand up to his mom and tell her she needs to back off a little because she is causing unneccesary stress for BOTH of you.

Post # 7
Member
14484 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

one little word:  elope.  =)

all kidding aside, Lgenz has a good point?  Shouldn’t all the number be finalized already just a month out?  How does your Fiance feel about this?  That is a pretty rediculous number of guest!  Is she helping pay for them?  I see this alot here – no pay, no say.  This YOUR wedding, not HER party.  Fiance needs to make sure she knows that.

Post # 8
Member
14484 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

holy crap!  Can the place accomodate these extra people? 

Post # 9
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Yikes… well that was not her place to just tell people to invite others!  I would have your fiance call her and tell she has 24 hours to make a decision between TWO options: 1.  She calls each and everyone of these people and tells them that the uninvited guests can not come.  2.  She writes you a check for every extra guest. 

Post # 11
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I would personally talk with my F an figure out how the two of you want to handle this together so that you two are on the same page about everything and how you both feel about how she is acting and her demands she is making. This is YOUR wedding and YOUR F’s wedding not hers! You dont have to do anything you dont want to do. When this day is actually happeing all of her yelling and demands will be history and they wont matter at all to you or anyone else. She is only going to be hurting herself in the end, don’t let her ruin this special and exciting time for you both. What about talking to her husband or sister someone who understands and agrees with you and your Fiance. An if you cant reason with her then you will just have to do the right thing and that is put the two of you first, because that is perfectly ok for you both to do. You don’t want to look back at your wedding and regret not standing up for yourself and having it that way you want it to be. If she doesn’t attend then its probably best that way. I hope you can be firm and do not feel guilty for not meeting her every request and demand…its not about her! its about your love so make sure you focus on that!!

Post # 12
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I’m with the others, if you and Fiance are paying for the wedding then you can make a final guest list. As far as additional people, I would tell Fiance he needs to put a stop to his mother and then have him call these relatives and let them know there was a misunderstanding and that the invitation was only for the two people invited. If he does not know them, it should not be a problem for him to deliver this news.

Post # 14
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Good grief..what a selfish woman.  I agree with @Beelieve…this is so YOUR day and your FI’s day.  It might be a good idea to ask Fiance to ask his dad if she had the wedding she wanted (something I had to do with my dad because my mom was acting up a few months back).  This might give some insight.

Be strong and stick to your guns.  And yes, get the Fiance involved.  It’s HIS mother afterall.

 

Post # 15
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow… you need to get your Fiance to change his mind on this one.. or reconsider.  Letting it roll of your back is not really an option in this situation so he needs to grow a pair and stand up to his mommy.  If he is going to expect you to just give in to her every desire because he doesn’t feel like dealing with it then you need to run.  You can’t have this woman controlling your lives forever.

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