(Closed) already bought my wedding dress, but found one i like even better

posted 9 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
28 posts
Newbee

Aside from the fact that you didn’t have your maid of honor or your bridesmaids with you when you bought it, how do you feel about the Melissa Sweet dress?

How would you pay for the other dress?  If you did buy the other dress, would you consider selling the Melissa Sweet dress online?  You might not be able to get all of your money back, but I would think you could get at least $2500 for it, especially if it has never been worn.

 In my experience, the "it’s my day so I should spend a ton of money to make everything perfect" logic hasn’t worked out so well for me or people I know.  It sets expectations so high – if anything goes wrong, then everything feels absolutely ruined.  Marriages and weddings are all about compromises.  

I hope that’s helpful and that you have peace with whatever decision you make.

Post # 4
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with pgar…. I don’t think that the "its my day" line reasonable, nor do I think $15,000 is resonable for two dresses.  Can you show your original dress to your Maid/Matron of Honor and friends?  Maybe they will love the one you already purchased and you won’t feel guilty about them not being with you in the first place.  If you’re dead set on having the second dress, why don’t you try to sell the Melissa Sweet one first?  You might not be able to get full price back for it, but at least you won’t have to worry about 2 dresses!  In my opinion, if you doubt dress #1 now, you might doubt it later too.  You should feel beautiful on your wedding day and you don’t want to look at your wedding photos for the rest of your life thinking you should have been in a different dress.  I’m sure you will look and feel beautiful on your day no matter which dress you wear, but just make sure you are completely comfortable with the one you chose. 

Post # 5
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

i agree that it’s a bit much to spend $15,000 to get your dream dress.  you’re quickly going to blow thru your wedding budget if you let yourself go all out on every aspect of your wedding because it’s your day.

i would suggest doing some more dress shopping to get some more perspective.  what is it that you love about the second dress?  can you alter the first dress or add some accessories that will make you love it more?  or can you find the second dress (or maybe a new dress that you love even more) at a better deal so that you can justify the purchase better?  try shopping alone at least once and also bring a couple of different friends with you to get varying perspectives.  i find that i shop very differently alone, and even depending on the friend i go with, i shop differently.

good luck!  try not to focus so much on the dress…this is about a lifetime commitment with the person you love!  it shouldn’t require $15,000 of dress purchases to make it your perfect day and marriage.  try to keep it all in perspective!

Post # 6
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

I bought my dress really early (as in over a year!) and found dresses I like better now too. Every bride is different but this is what went through my mind as I tried to justify buying another dress…

1. Its still a perectly good dress, I still like it, and once I did my hair and make up trial I REALLY like again. 

2. Its one dress for one day

3. I can’t afford to buy multiple dresses, and I would feel really silly doing so in this crappy economy

4. I would rather spend the money on the honeymoon or down payment on a house. 

5. No matter what, there will be someone with a bigger and better wedding, sounds sad but its true. 

I hate to be a downer but again every bride is different and has different budgets and different situtations.

Post # 7
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2009

First, let me say that, I’m the mother of a bride.  I’m planning her wedding and on these boards to get ideas.  I’ve gotton loads of those.  Let me just weigh in on what I DO know.

1.  You aren’t the only bride to purchase a dress and then find another that you think is your dream gown.  I’ve even come across several who have purchased 3 of them.

2.Everyone has a budget and some can afford more than others.  The wedding I am planning for my daughter is on the expensive side…not mega expensive…but expensive.  Some girls are "do it yourselfer’s" and make lovely weddings on shoe string budgets.  Those brides will not be able to relate to your $15.000 dilemma

3. Think what you want…but here is the truth of the matter.  It is NOT just your day.  I get a bit miffed hearing brides say that.  Honestly, it sounds really really really, well, like a spoiled and entitiled child which I just know, none of you are.  It is your family’s day too.  And it’s your fiance’s family’s day as well.  ESPECIALLY if, and not only if, but especially if your family and/or his is helping you pay for "your" day.  Yes, every mother wants her daughter to enjoy her wedding and wants her daughter to be have a princess day…but it isn’t just YOUR day.  Unless of course your family is glad to "get rid of ya" then the tears they shed on your day will be of a different kind.

4. You WILL look beautiful on your wedding day whether in a $500 gown or an $8,000 number.  My daughter’s dress was expensive, however, bare in mind that $8,000 is a whole lot to spend on a dress that will be worn once for a few hours, don’t ‘cha think?  Like I said, if you, your fiance, and your family are down with that, go for it.  Because I’m a real estate agent I know that $15,000 is a down payment on a house.  Assuming that you and your fiance already have one of those, I’d consider 2 gowns.

5.  It is POSSIBLE to sell the first dress, however, it isn’t easy.  I’ve been on these boards for over a year, and I see these dresses for sale everywhere.  The brides aren’t getting top dollar for them and most girls don’t want something worn before, but many haven’t been for the exact same reason as you’ve given.,,found a different dress.  Your dress will have one thing going for it.  You know the size and it IS a designer gown.  Advertise it as a Melissa Sweet Original and site the number and size of the gown.  You may just get rid of it, but it will be at a GREATLY REDUCED PRICE.

That’s all I have to say…I know, I know…ya think I’m crazy because I say "it’s not just your day"  but I’m right.  Give yourselves about 15-20 years and you’ll get that .

Post # 9
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Every bride has second thoughts, whether it be about her dress or another wedding detail (hopefully not about the groom). Every bride has dreams too, whether it’s a dream dress or a dream venue and so forth. Most are in no financial situation to get their dreams, whereas you are…maybe. But does that mean you should go for it?

You can sacrifice a whole lot of money and effort to get your dreams, or you can choose to embrace the pretty amazing reality that you already have—a gorgeous $4,000 wedding dress—and let the dreams be dreams. I too found dresses I liked better after I had already bought mine. I wore my original one, and I can say without a doubt it was the right choice. I looked great, felt great, and my money I might have spent on another dress was spent or saved in much better places.

You can control your attitude toward the dress you already have. Choose to love your dress and to make it what you want instead of trying to replace it with the next new best thing. This probably won’t be the last decision you’ll second guess, and it’s best just to stick to your decisions and not look back, or else your budget and your sanity will fly out of control.

It sounds like you feel like you don’t have enough of a "wow" factor in the Melissa Sweet dress—although I looked at pictures of the Melissa Sweet gown online and they are pretty amazing…I got married in a church too and it looks decadent, perfect for a church wedding. Have you considered wearing a cathedral-length veil with the Melissa Sweet gown (possibly with a longer train), or a dramatic headpiece? I think you will be a showstopper in that dress.

Post # 10
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I would also like to buy a second dress. I bought the first dress early on, and we came up with the theme later. Now it doesn’t really go with the Victorian theme very well. I wish I had waited, but like you, was pressured into it. The first dress is gorgeous, just not Victorian. Unlike you, I can’t afford to buy a second outfit, so I am Victorian-izing the dress by adding accessories that fit with the theme: antique earrings and necklace, a lace capelet, victorian boots, and feather fascinator. The dress itself is ivory, so it looks almost antique-y, but the style is not.

Even if I could afford a second dress, I don’t know if I would buy one. I think the guilt of wasting all that money would eat me up. I guess I’m just a thrifty person by nature.

Is there absolutely nothing you can do to the first dress to make it more dramatic? Is the below link your first dress? http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/style-valentina-bridal-gown-melissa-sweet-bridal-collection-gallery-1-priscilla-of-boston

Because I think it’s absolutely goregeous and quite dramatic with all the lace.

Perhaps you could add a fake bustle to the back to give it more volume, and a lengthier train? What will you wear in your hair? What jewelry will you wear? Perhaps a pearl choker? This dress has a low neckline so a choker would work and chokers are totally all about drama. I think feather fascinators can be very glamorous – they add height to your frame, and you can get or make them with pearls or crystals in them. What about wearing long gloves to your elbow? Or a faux fur shrug?
I tried to find the Susanna gown, but no luck. Do you have a link or image you can post?
I don’t know what kind of theme you have or exactly what kind of look you are going for, but perhaps posting or linking to the dresses would give people a better idea of what you want or what you could accomplish without buying another dress.

Post # 11
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

As a bride that has two dresses I would personally advise you to think about the bigger picture. Regardless of your finances, if you look around, we are in a recession. One day is not the way to go about blowing a significant sum of money. That money can be put towards a house, a car, investments or even a fantastic honeymoon! There is life after the wedding.

After purchasing my first dress I was unsure since it was at a sale as well. After my fiance saw it, he was really not sold on it. I was more unsure after that because it also didn’t fit our venue which we booked after. So then with his blessing, we went to go purchase another dress with the condition to sell the first one. We love the second dress and I’m over the moon with it. But I’m also feeling insanely guilty since our budget has been compromised and since the economy has taken such a downturn.

And its been extremely hard to sell the first dress. So much so that I am now wearing that for the church ceremony so I don’t let it go to waste and the second for the garden ceremony. 

I would say try on the first dress again. Take your Maid/Matron of Honor there to get her opinion. Do your makeup, your hair, put on the veil and really visualize yourself on your wedding day for the MS Valentina dress and see how you feel then. It might make all the difference.

Truthfully, there will always be other options and many women second guess themselves about their choices. However if you really did feel great in the first one, think–what if that dress was your only option? Wouldn’t the MS dress seem fantastic? It puts a whole new spin on things.

If you really feel like it couldn’t work for you, then maybe you could go ahead and purchase the other one. But sell the first one before you do that. 

And before you even make that decision, do consult your fiance. It’s his wedding too and if he’s contributing to the wedding budget, he does get a say in this. It would be a real shocker to him if he found out you spent $15K on 2 wedding dresses. 

Good luck in your decision! 

Post # 12
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Personally when you are walking down the isle and on your wedding day you won’t be focusing on your dress, at least I hope not, you will be focusing on your fiance/husband and your family and your love. I loved my dress I had but if I had to do it all over again and wear a dress that I didn’t like that much but it was what I had, I would have done it and it would have not even mattered. It is not the dress that matters it is about your love and starting a new chapter with your husband. I am not trying to be harsh here but, I think any bride looks beautiful no matter what dress they have on. You will be the bell of the ball no matter what you wear and everyone will love your dress no matter what!!

Post # 13
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Wow. My whole wedding cost just over $15,000, so in a way it is hard to relate. However, I did have a stressful couple of weeks in which, even though we had already done everything but order the invitation, I found another vendor I liked better, and drove everybody involved crazy by changing everything at what was really the last minute.  I’m not unhappy I did it, but honestly the first invitations would have been not only just fine, but really, really nice.

My point is, you can do this with every single decision if you let yourself.  There are so many choices, there is always going to be something better out there if you keep looking.  The dress you bought first sounds wonderful, and you are undoubtedly going to be stunning in it.  The second dress may be a bit more drop-dead, but whether it’s worth $15,000 to you to wear the second dress – because you honestly can’t count on selling the first one – is completely up to you. 

If it was me, I would go with the first dress and spend the extra money on a really nice vacation, or fabulous new kitchen appliances. Something that will at least last longer than a day.  I’d like to think that is what I would do even if I had basically unlimited funds, which apparently is the case for you.  But honestly it’s your decision – and if you actually have the money, and there’s nothing else in the world you would rather spend it on, a second dress isn’t a horrible decision. 

Post # 14
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I totally understand where you’re coming from, because I can be super-indecisive and have already second-guessed a couple of my wedding decisions. But if it was me, I don’t think I’d be able to justify spending such a large sum of money for a second dress. As others have mentioned, no matter how much you love your dress/venue/photographer/whatever, there will always be something else out there that’s even more fabulous (and even more expensive!) But that doesn’t mean your original choice wasn’t the perfect choice for you. I agree that you should go back and try the original dress on again with a veil, shoes, etc, and bring your Maid/Matron of Honor with you. Hopefully you’ll fall in love with it all over again. If not, then you just have to weigh the pros and cons — for me, a dress I liked plus $8k extra money to spend towards my honeymoon, house, etc. would win out over my "dream" dress, but your priorities may be different from mine at this point.

One thing to remember either way — at the end of the day, it is only a dress. When my mother looks back on her wedding pictures, she laughs about how much she hated her itchy, long-sleeved dress. But she’s been happily married for 29 years now, and I can guarantee you that she hasn’t spent a moment of those 29 years worrying about what she did or didn’t wear on her wedding day. You’ll be a beautiful bride either way! 

Post # 15
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

amberlaguna,

I’m not going to tell you to either buy your dress or stick to the melissa sweet…I’ll give you options.  I was in the SAME predicament as you a few months ago.  I went shopping way too early and bought a very pretty wedding dress at a sample sale.  (it’s the same dress Mrs. Peach wore and it’s absolutely stunning on her)  I felt like I had to buy the dress cuz I got it at such an incredible price.  The second I came home though, remorse kicked in.  I put on the gown again and just didn’t feel "bridal" – if that makes any sense.  Heck, I even posted on weddingbee asking for input on what I should do. 

Luckily for me, there was Miss Hot Cocoa weddingbee reader Lillindy – they introduced me http://www.dreambridalla.com.  This is a consignment business in Los Angeles (exactly where you’re from!).  Britta, the owner, helps 2 dress brides (or even 3 or 4 dress brides!!!) sell a dress they decided on too quickly so that the bride can buy her dream gown.  I ended up buying my dream dress from Dream Bridal LA at a much more affordable cost – brand spanking new! 

So if you really really really want the Ines de Santo gown, contact Britta and she will help you sell it.  She’s extremely professional and takes care of the gowns she sells for other brides as if they’re her own wedding gown.  Tell her Tammi referred you! =)

Best of luck!  PM me if you need further info!

Post # 16
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

btw, I decided that the first dress wasn’t for me because I didn’t feel the "wow" factor.  I also notice that after the first gown, I still went gown shopping.  I still looked at magazines to look at dresses.  The second I bought my dream gown (Melissa Sweet Lia), all of that stopped and now I can’t stop sneaking a peek at my gown in the closet when the mister isn’t home =)  I definitely felt like a bride in my dream gown.

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