(Closed) Already clashing with mother about wedding decisions

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You have two choices, sit down and talk to her about it being “your” wedding or talk to your SO about coming up with the money yourself. If you are paying then you get to do whatever you want and don’t have to even entertain what others want you to do. Sorry she is being like that, that kind of attitude makes no sense to me at all.

Post # 4
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I had and am still having the same issue not exactly the same problems but close to it. My mom reminds me that she’s paying for it and if i dont like somethings then i can go to the court house. And i had the same problem with her throwing a fit when dress shoppin and showing her *beep* lol. So my advice that i’ve learned is to tell her that if she dont like my decisions then she doesnt have to pay and she’s not invited bc its my wedding and not hers. If trying to reason with her and talkin about the situation doesn’t work….then that would be my advice. If she wants to be harsh you gotta be harsh or this will ruin all your excitement for your special day.

Post # 5
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Melvin8: HUG

At this point all I can suggest is trying to pay for the wedding yourselves either pay saving up the money, making monthly payments to venues, or taking out a bank loan. Your mom is being insane.

Make a dress appointment by youself and take your closest friends. DO NOT TELL HER. My mom and the bitchy worker ruined my dress experience. It sucks. Don’t let it happen to you. Make it for a week night or an early afternoon. KEEP IT SECRET.

Would you and Fiance be able to pay for a wedding yourselves? There is nothing wrong with two flower girls. I would tell both to be Flower Girl, but their dresses, and try and see if mom on the day of the wedding says anything about it.

You seriously need to tell your mom how much she is runing this for you. Give her a list of what she’s done and then don’t talk to her for a few days to get your head right. STOP talking about the wedding with her. I eventually kept all wedding planning to myself and only give “yes” “no” or “we’ve already got that covered” answers and then said “this is not up for discussion anymore”

Post # 6
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m having some similar problems, except that my FH and I are paying for the entire wedding ourselves!  We are lucky though because we are currently living in a different country and planning everything from here, so I’m just not telling her much about any of the planning anymore.  And we will try to do it all ourselves with no one elses input.

I suggest you have a chat with your mum though – she might not even realise what she is doing (which I think is what’s happening with my mum) and let her know some of your expectations.  Or as other bees above have suggested… start saving and pay for it yourselves, maybe move the date out a few more months?

Post # 7
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think having 2 flower girls, or inviting your friends to your wedding is unreasonable.  I’d also suggest having a talk with your mom, or looking into possibly paying for it yourselves.

Post # 12
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My mom is also kind of being controlling like that, but if you can try paying for the majority of what you can afford that way it takes away from what she can lord over you. Also, try telling her that the concept of dual flower girls isn’t an extra cost and may add to the fun of the wedding 🙂  And if you’re paying for the dress and she knows she can’t say anything nice about you in them, then maybe you should try telling her that constructive criticism is appreciated but hurtful comments aren’t. Alot of moms don’t know the difference when it comes to their daughters, my mom doesn’t :/ That’s why I got my dress by myself.  I just got engaged this past Christmas, and my mom is dragging me down into this mire of hell called “wedding planning” where it’s her way or no way, so we’re thinking about taking all her authority away from her, having it in a small church, pics in the park and then a small sit down dinner somewhere nice.

Post # 13
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Melvin8: I feel so bad for you :-/ What exactly do you want that she hates? You have 11 months to buy small things. Michael’s Crafts has coupons online every week you can use to buy stuff. You can make your favors or buy then in small quanities at a time maybe?

I made little money too so I konw how you feel

Post # 14
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your mother seems to treat you like you are still a child, or at least a very young woman. I suggest a talk over tea/coffee where you let her know that her inability to discuss this kind of stuff rationally is going to hurt your relationship with her.

Post # 15
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Two choices- take her money and play her way, which means, yes, she gets to make the decisions.  Or pay for your own wedding, and she gets absolute zero say.  Money comes with strings, that’s just how it is.  Your mom sounds batty, but unfortunately, when she controls the purse strings, she gets her way.

Post # 16
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

It really sounds like you need to either let her pay and have her way or put it off until the two of you can pay for it yourself.  In my opinion (totally mine), adults who are deciding to get married should be adults and pay for their own wedding.

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