@LovelyLaura8: It gets to be mechanical after a while. I wake up, I do my chores, go out if I need to, care for our dog & cat, soon I’ll be tending to my small garden, do whatever needs to be done and then I wait for him to be done with work and either text me or come on Skype. I count down every nanosecond because that’s one less moment of time he’ll be away from me. I do not count weeks as “weeks” anymore, I find it easier to count fridays. “I only have to endure three fridays.” It makes it a lot easier to deal with as opposed to, “21 days to go.” The worst was when he came home from a deployment, was home three days, and left for another deployment. He used to enjoy going away (“On the road” as he calls it), it’s relatively easy work and he gets paid hazard pay & flight pay, so he gets paid well. But now that he’s got a wife at home, it’s a lot harder.
When I entered into a relationship with him, I knew it would be hard. I didn’t realize it was this hard. I moved 1,200 miles to be with him and he wasn’t home two weeks before he had to deploy. I was left alone in a state that I had only visited once, with no friends, no family, and I didn’t know where anything was.
It’s a smidgen easier now.. I mean, like I said, I see his deployments as “three fridays” and if I stay busy the time passes quickly. The nights are the worst. I cannot sleep in our bed — I have never slept in our bed when he is gone. It’s too hard, the sheets smell like him and there is this constant emptiness and void of warmth. So, instead I sleep on the couch or in the guest bedroom with the cat and our dog.
I’m not a sad woman, truly. I get sad when he’s gone, and I cry like a child all the way home after I have to leave him at work to deploy. My heart aches and I just want to scream and cry, but I’m not sad. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, but I am definitely hit hard at night as I crawl onto the couch. I miss him terribly, but those moments I do get to talk to him make it so, so worth it. Sometimes if they’re landed somewhere to repair or refuel or what have you, I’ll get a tiny text from him saying hi, or that he loves me. I cherish those. My husband is deployed now. He wasn’t supposed to be, but apparently he is the only man in Oklahoma who could replace somebody who was deployed and got downed for whatever reason.
So, he’ll be home this Thursday, he’ll be home for 11 days, and then he will be gone for 3 weeks. They won’t be subtracting his time deployed now off of “his” deployment time. He won’t be home for his birthday. It’s difficult to plan things because there could be, at any time, an emergency somewhere that he’ll be called away on.
I wouldn’t change my life, though. Sounds crazy, right? I mean, this is a man I am head over heels for. When we started dating, I could not say, “I love you more than the breath in my lungs but I can’t handle your job.” I had a choice: Either learn to run with him, or let him run by me. The latter was not an option.
Take comfort in that your situation will end. My husband is determined to make Officer, and even then there is no relief from his deployments. For the next two or four years, I will be married to a man that I will see for probably twelve weeks out of a year. My only comfort is that I will have him for two weeks in June because he took off that time so we could celebrate our wedding back home with friends and family. That’s probably the most I’ll have him this year.
Stay busy. Don’t dwell on thoughts of being alone. When you have him, hug him tight and don’t let go til’ you have to. Seek comfort in friends and family, go out if you can and go out often. Being around other people will make you feel less lonely and will definitely take the edge off, and you’ll see time fly by (“Time flies when you’re having fun!”) Maybe take up an excersise routine? Something to occupy your brain.
I read a lot. Reading definitely helps me.