Post # 32
I think if you don’t sit down and talk with her, then how are you guys ever going to be together again (group or seperate) without things being completely awkward? I can see why you wanted to avoid the conversation, but true friends are honest with each other and it sounded like she wanted to share her true feelings with you. I’m not saying they’re right or that it wouldn’t be an (annoying) pity party, but since she brought it up bluntly (“I want to talk about the wedding”) there really isn’t a way around acknowledging it. I thought your email sounded great, but unfortunately it wasn’t enough for her and she didn’t want to let it go. It might just be time for this friendship to phase out.
Post # 33
Sounds like you need to call a Waahmbulance for your “friend” and stop paying attention to her online drama. Or stop paying attention to her at all – sounds like it would do you a world of good.
Unfollow her online journal and don’t bother talking to her about this.
She didn’t want your side of the story – she wanted you to tell her she was right.
Post # 34
Personally, I would answer every one of her complaints in a list form. Like
1. We ordered room service on the fly. We did not plan this.
And then at the end I would write:
Now, I have a question for you. Why are you doing this? My wedding is done and over with. I did my best to make sure that you were included because I love and care for you. I had many friends or family members whom I would have loved to participate but could not directly include. I picked you. Yes, I realize that this all leads to you wanting an apology for not being in the bridal party. But that is not going to happen.
If you still have an issue with the level of your involvement, then there is nothing more I can do to make you feel better. This is the last I will speak about this. And I hope that you respect our friendship enough to not make our conversations public.
Post # 35
Not worth it. She sounds like a drama llama.
Post # 37
Post # 38
@fauxfatale: Your email to her was perfectly generous, and I would just ignore her response, honestly. I agree with PPs that sometimes it’s just not worth it to feed into someone else’s issues in order to try to clear things up. Until she’s able to act like an adult about it, she’s not really worth your time and energy.
Also, I fear I may have a similar situation… I KNOW a friend of mine had been expecting me to have her a Bridesmaid or Best Man in our wedding, and she similarly complains about how she doesn’t get asked to be in weddings, etc., but it’s because she’s a dramatic mess. She’s my friend, but I couldn’t handle the stress of her being in the wedding, so she’ll be invited, but only as a guest. So far she has asked about some of the details but didn’t bring up whether or not she is a Bridesmaid or Best Man (though I think she knows now that she is not because I mentioned that the girls picked their dresses already). I’m expecting some drama about it at some point in the next year as we get closer to the wedding.
Post # 40
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
@fauxfatale: She’s obviously not worth the energy. If she wants to cause drama let her do so in her own world. It’s not her wedding or HER day. It’s yours and your husbands. You did what made sense to you as a couple… it has absolutely nothing to do with her!!
My boyfriend wasn’t even a groomsmen for his childhood best friends wedding. He lives 15 hours away and his friend knew that it would be a lot for him being far away. At the end of the day it didn’t matter because he was just so incredibly grateful to have attended his wedding and been part of his special day.
If a friend doesn’t have that perspective they’re not your true friend, they’re selfish and you obviously made the best decision possible.
Post # 41
@fauxfatale: I agree that it probably won’t solve much, because you probably know how the convo will go. With that said, I would probably give her the benefit of the doubt that it sounds like she is trying to do the mature responsible thing saying she wants to understand your side and meet up wiht you in person to talk.
If you go and she bitches you out – well then nothing is changed. But if you don’t go and she really did have good mature intentions you might miss out on an opportunity to make things better and that would really give her the fire needed to put ALL the blame on you. (“She wouldn’t even meet with me to talk about it.” “She’s such a bitch”, etc.) I would try and not give her that extra fuel.
Post # 42
@Blonde17Jess: It does sound similar. I think I could have headed most of this off if I had been up front with her in the beginning.. but honestly, once I decided not to make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man, this was a done deal. At least I am dealing with this now and not during wedding prep. I couldn’t have handled it (I am not great with confrontation and stress, which is why we had a planner to begin with). If there’s ANY way you can head things off at the pass, do it. If not, be prepared for this type of stuff down the road.
Sigh. Now that I’ve planned a wedding, I will NEVER criticize a bride again for ANYTHING she or her groom does for their wedding: no plus ones? Hideous Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses? Boring music? I DON’T CARE. It’s not about me as a guest. It’s about their wedding. (BTW I gave everyone a plus one, had an open bar, even paid for childcare. I really went above and beyond to make my guests comfortable. Luckily, I’ve heard nothing at all negative about the wedding besides from her. It just hurts to put so much effort into something and then get this barrage of negative criticism.)
Post # 43
@fauxfatale: i would cut her out. you don’t need people like that in your life. what does she bring to the friendship? it sounds like she brings nothing but negativity and drama. she sounds selfish and not someone you can lean on when you need support. not worth the drama!
Post # 44
@peonyinlove: “i’d tell her – ‘there is no ‘side of my story’ – i was honoured to ask you to do a reading at our ceremony – we chose something very special and were happy that you were the one to read it. we loved having you at the rehearsal party and did everything we could to make you feel included. i’m sorry that you are upset about your involvement in our wedding.'”
^^ That right there, and perhaps (in a nice way) mention that if SHE has issues with resentment and whatnot, perhaps they’d be best vetted with a therapist/counselor to help her understand her feelings since these feelings are hers; not yours.
Post # 45
@fauxfatale: I have a question. Does the group you mentioned consist of 4 people? Yourself, the two bridesmaids and this friend who was left out? That would explain the hurt feelings.
Post # 46
I don’t know if there is a polite way to suggest this, but personally, it sounds to me like she needs professional help for her anger and depression issues. It has already spiraled to a very bad place where she is a toxic person. She needs the help before it gets too out of hand. Jsut my .02 cents. I am not sure how to handle it though. I would also dread seeing her because she is such a drama queen.