Post # 1
My husband is in the military, and is being deployed in March. A few months ago we decided we wanted to be married before he left, so we got married in the courthouse, and only our close friends know, and of course the military. We know we want to have a wedding when he gets back from his deployment, but our families have no idea we are already married. Both of our parents will be visiting for Thanksgiving, so we want to tell them the big news that we are engaged..but we are already married. Our parents are very happy with our relationship and know that we are serious about eachother, so we don’t think it will be that big of a shock to them.. The only thing is that my parents have never met him, and I have never met his..Any suggestions?
Post # 3
Just be honest with them and tell them you’re married already. Yes they will probably be shocked, but they’ll get over it. It’s always better to be honest with your family.
Post # 4
honestly, even if they are supportive of your relationship, it’s quite another thing to be supportive of a secret marriage, especially if they’ve never met your hustband. you should be prepared for some shock and potential anger. i think it is going to be a hard thing to do, but i also think it is unavoidable, unless you want to be secretly married in the long run. just go in knowing that it isn’t going to be easy.
Post # 5
I think you should just tell them the situation and it was a last minute thing and want to celebrate with them when he comes back and have an actual wedding. Thats what I would do. I dont think you should lie to your parents. Thats family!
Post # 6
Yea, I’m thinking they will be alright with it. I mean my mom asks about him all the time, and they talk on the phone every now and then. I think our parents have been waiting to hear we are engaged, his mom asked him a couple weeks ago if we were going to take the next step before he deploys, so that was a relief haha. We can’t wait to tell everyone the big news, the only thing we aren’t looking forward to is the possible shock.
Post # 7
Yeah, the only way I can see this turning into a huge thing is if they find out from other than you guys. They might be kind of hurt that they weren’t involved at first, but I think they could get over that with time and the excitement of doing it “for real” (air quotes just a way to emphasize the whole wedding shebang… not to imply you’re not really married… you know what I mean, hopefully).
Post # 8
@atalante: Yea that’s very true, but I really don’t think that will happen. My parents live pretty much on the other side of the country, as well as his. So it’s not like we’ve been purposely keeping it from them, we just wanted to do it in person. I’m sure they will be happy about us wanting to have a “real wedding”
Post # 9
One of my friends did this, and they never told the families because her mom is crazy religious and would see it as living in sin without a church/religious wedding). No one knew except me (maid of honor) and our other two best friends…and really, no one needed to.
Post # 10
my brother called home a few years ago and said ” … oh by the way I got married two weeks ago”. we were all shocked ( i myself had never met her and my parents met her once) We didnt even know they were that serious. My mom was hurt but my dad was livid. I never heard my dad use so many curse words in a sentence (and he was a sailor for 20 years and now is trucker, if that tells you anything). But you know what We all got over it. and it didnt even take us that long. Your family will understand and if they dont tell them its for the benifits 😉
Post # 11
I think that what you tell your parents is totally up to you. I agree that your parents may respond very differently if you tell them you are engaged rather than married, but you know them best.
I went to school with a girl who, on Spring Break, married her now husband at the courthouse. They had a set wedding date for that summer (so about 3-4 month later), but because of immigration issues, they legally got married sooner and kept it from their families. She had her ceremony a few months later and acted like that was her “official” wedding day. She didn’t regret her decision at all. She actually loves the fact that she gets two anniversaries and one of them is her “secret” anniversary.
Sometimes we just need to do what’s right for us!
Post # 12
Congratulations on your marriage! I think it’s best to be honest with both sets of parents about what’s going on rather than lying and calling yourselves only engaged. Yes, it might be a shock, but hopefully if your parents are truly supportive, they’ll understand why you did what you did and be excited about celebrating when your husband returns from his deployment.
I don’t mean to be a Debby Downer, and I sincerely hope that your husband returns home safe and sound at the end of his tour, but you also do need to consider what would happen if something were to happen to your husband. You are now his next-of-kin and would be the one notified, but his parents probably assume that they are NOK for their (in their minds, unmarried) son — it seems like explaining your secret marriage would be one more thing you wouldn’t want to have to deal with under those circumstances. In my mind, it’s better to do it together, now.
Post # 13
Good News Everyone!
We ended up telling out parents early, we were going to wait until Thanksgiving, but decided why the heck not. And they were so unbelieveably happy about it 🙂 so now we are going to start planning the big wedding. I feel so relieved that everyone was excited about it.