Post # 17
@fresitachulita: wonderful advice. thank you so much!You are right It isn’t the proposal, Im just the type of person that needs a solid, obvious sign that he loves me. i will not come out of this 100% happy even with a proposal and I know that and I am trying to deal with it. At this point I couldn’t have been more clear about how much this means to me and if he wants to stay with me than he would go out of his way to prove that I am worth one of those grand proposals people talk about. Its hard to aknowwledge all of the nice things he does for me because he is a very emotional guy and he usually cries every time i talk about this matter. I do not yell or fight, Im just asking for help and at this point screaming for help. I don’t want to be unhappy about this anymore. I desperatly want to seek counseling but his work will not under any circumstances let him off work. so I don’t know how we’re going to be able to get some.
Post # 18
@etipton09: So you’re saying that you want a proposal because you’re insecure that he loves you, but you keep saying how amazing he is and all of the wonderful things that he does for you. Is that not enough??
I think you should seek counseling. This may be a situation where you can’t let someone love you until you learn to love yourself.
Post # 19
@etipton09: and you are right to want all those things…the free choice is what we all deserve when it comes to marriage. You deserve that..
Post # 20
Please do go for counseling. I think you are focusing on this proposal issue as a surface issue for much deeper issues. What do you mean you need him to show you are “worth” a grand proposal? He married you, he is still married to you. It is his day to day actions that to me should matter. Where are your insecurities coming from? I have a hard time believing they are due to not getting a proposal from the man you are married to!
There are counselors who will take evening and/or weekend appointments or other off-hours. Call around.
I never had a “grand proposal”. Mine came sans ring and by a text message as my husband was being wheeled into an emergency room while he was in another city and province. I know many girls here would definitely not dream of a text message proposal! We married a couple months later, still without a grand proposal (or a ring before marriage). I never have questioned his commitment or love for me, he is genuine, committed, engaged and incredibly loving. I am very blessed. My husband does still ask me to marry him on a regular basis, but I always have to either remind him we already are married…or decline as I am already married. It is just lighthearted, rather than serious, as it seems silly to me to have an actual proposal (for marriage) after you are married!
You would be surprised at how many people in “real life” I know who had very undramatic proposals, or who just decided together to get married without a proposal (and yes, who have wonderful marriages)? I think wedding sites tend to attract more grand proposal stories!
Post # 21
You are already married? And you would separate from a “nearly perfect marriage” just because he didn’t propose to you three years ago? It seems like something is missing here because, I’m sorry, that just does not make sense to me. It honestly sounds like a power struggle. And you would really take it so far as to leave him over it? How is that even close to a “nearly perfect marriage?” Not in my book. Here is my advice: Count your blessings. Focus on your wonderful child and husband. Be thankful for what you have. Let go of this silly fantasy idea of a romantic proposal. The proposal is not important. The marriage is.
Post # 22
A proposal is one person asking another “Will you marry me?” When you set the wedding date, you asked him to marry you, and he accepted. That’s like asking for an acceptance letter to a school after you’ve already graduated.
Let it go. If you can’t let it go, seek help. Getting separated to force him to propose to you has got to be the silliest thing I’ve ever heard of.