(Closed) Already Officially Married and Still No Proposal?!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@etipton09:  So you’re saying that you want a proposal because you’re insecure that he loves you, but you keep saying how amazing he is and all of the wonderful things that he does for you. Is that not enough??

I think you should seek counseling. This may be a situation where you can’t let someone love you until you learn to love yourself.

Post # 19
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@etipton09:  and you are right to want all those things…the free choice is what we all deserve when it comes to marriage. You deserve that..

Post # 20
4812 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Please do go for counseling. I think you are focusing on this proposal issue as a surface issue for much deeper issues. What do you mean you need him to show you are “worth” a grand proposal? He married you, he is still married to you. It is his day to day actions that to me should matter. Where are your insecurities coming from?  I have a hard time believing they are due to not getting a proposal from the man you are married to!

There are counselors who will take evening and/or weekend appointments or other off-hours. Call around.

I never had a “grand proposal”. Mine came sans ring and by a text message as my husband was being wheeled into an emergency room while he was in another city and province. I know many girls here would definitely not dream of a text message proposal! We married a couple months later, still without a grand proposal (or a ring before marriage). I never have questioned his commitment or love for me, he is genuine, committed, engaged and incredibly loving. I am very blessed. My husband does still ask me to marry him on a regular basis, but I always have to either remind him we already are married…or decline as I am already married. It is just lighthearted, rather than serious, as it seems silly to me to have an actual proposal (for marriage) after you are married!

You would be surprised at how many people in “real life” I know who had very undramatic proposals, or who just decided together to get married without a proposal (and yes, who have wonderful marriages)? I think wedding sites tend to attract more grand proposal stories!

Post # 21
7528 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You are already married?  And you would separate from a “nearly perfect marriage” just because he didn’t propose to you three years ago?  It seems like something is missing here because, I’m sorry, that just does not make sense to me.  It honestly sounds like a power struggle.  And you would really take it so far as to leave him over it?  How is that even close to a “nearly perfect marriage?”  Not in my book.  Here is my advice:  Count your blessings.  Focus on your wonderful child and husband.  Be thankful for what you have.  Let go of this silly fantasy idea of a romantic proposal.  The proposal is not important.  The marriage is.

Post # 22
1484 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

A proposal is one person asking another “Will you marry me?”  When you set the wedding date, you asked him to marry you, and he accepted.  That’s like asking for an acceptance letter to a school after you’ve already graduated. 

Let it go. If you can’t let it go, seek help.  Getting separated to force him to propose to you has got to be the silliest thing I’ve ever heard of. 

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