Post # 1
We have been engaged for just over a month and started talking about wedding plans just a week ago.
But are so torn between all the options. We know that a large wedding and reception is off the table, but are torn between a small wedding, eloping, eloping and then having a small party/reception etc.
I am a travler by nature, and part of me wants to save the money and take a trip. Our budget for the small wedding and small party/reception is small, about $5k, and while I know it is totally possible to do (with a little help from getting a free venue), I am still not 100% sure about any of it.
I’ve said for a long time that I wanted to elope, but am now realizing a celebration is important to me….Who am I? lol I didn’t see this coming.
How did you decide what to do? Were you torn?
Post # 2
We’ve ended up with a big wedding. £10K and 100+ guests. I’m kind of now – largely because of the finances if I’m honest – wondering whether we ought to have eloped, but I know we’ll have a fantastic day.
For us, one of the deciding factors was who we wanted to be there. Grandparents for example who wouldn’t be able/willing to travel abroad. We could’ve had a small wedding, but I have a large family and in the end we got a good deal on the venue we chose so we can accommodate everybody. The other costs we’re incurring – such as dresses, suits etc – probably wouldn’t have been much different for fewer people.
If I were you, I’d make a start towards planning all three weddings. Once you start looking around you’ll hopefully get a feel for what you want.
Post # 3
I’ve been team elope my whole life and Fiance used to always say “whatever you want babe…”, until we actually got engaged and started really talking about it. he knows a big ceremony is a NOPE but immediate family is just too important and his mother would lose it if she couldn’t be there. so our compromise is courthouse ceremony, then party after with everyone at the house. it’s not my first choice but we’re each trying to make the other happy.
Post # 4
I always wanted to elope too until we started actually talking about plans. He felt like his mom in particular would be sad if we didn’t have a ‘real’ wedding. The more I thought about it the more I felt like this was a unique chance to get our families and friends together and do something special, so we’re now doing a small 50-60 person wedding with our immediate families & close friends only. I still think elopements are lovely, but now I’m looking forward to having an intimate wedding. We’ll probably take a simpler honeymoon as a result, but we’ll have a lifetime for trips together and only one wedding.
Post # 5
You guys make very good points.
My family is small and easy going. They don’t expect anything big or lavish and don’t feel bad if I run off to elope, or have something small. Honestly, they’d be down for a pot-luck. But his family is different. They are a big group of people, and they tend to invite everyone under the sun. And I think his family would be hurt if we run off to elope.
It is a once in a life time thing. And I do like the idea of celebrating with the people who matter most to us. But it wouldn’t be some huge party. It would be maybe 40 people, wine, iPod music, no to little dancing etc.
I have a possible venue that is free, I just have to buy the wine from their tasting room at two glasses per head. It this pulls through, it is really hard to say no.. you know?
I do already have my dress though so.. that is good to go 😛
Post # 6
We eloped. It is what we both wanted. I never was one to sit around dreaming of my wedding. We were more focused on our honeymoon. 😉 It wasn’t a hard decision for us at all.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise
While I’ve always wanted to have a wedding, FH has stage fright, so was never stoked on the idea. He has always said he would do whatever I wanted, because it was so important to me, but I wanted him to have the kind of day he’d enjoy too.
Ultimately, we decided on a tiny destination wedding. People here have corrected me calling it a Langiappe Elopement, because it won’t be sudden or a surprise. It will however, be kind of a secret.
I have several people in my life I absolutely must have with me on my day (my daughter chief among them). FH has a few really close friends he’d like to celebrate with as well. We both have strained relationships with family – though his is a bit more fraught – such that we’d prefer they not attend.
We’ve basically decided to tell family we’re eloping, then invite the handful of folks we really want to have meet us there. There won’t be a wedding party to speak of and the guest list will only be about 25 people. We’re going to keep it very low key and just have brunch after in the hotel where we’re having the ceremony.
I’d encourage you to think about how you’d feel if it was just the two of you, versus a really small group of people to share your day. You can always tell his folks it’s immediate family only, and keep it small. The budget you cite seems totally workable for a super intimate ceremony.
Whatever you decide, don’t feel guilty. It’s ultimately about you and FH and you should decide together what will feel best. Anyone who isn’t happy for you shouldn’t be taken too seriously.
Post # 8
Guilt is part of it. And fear of regretting the choice to elope. We have traveled a lot and have a pre-planned trip to Greece in early April 2018 (booked before i knew he was going to propose), so I doubt that we would even honeymoon until the following year. Which would be fine too, we have been blessed with the ability to travel by saving every dime we get lol. We make okay money, but live in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S, so rent takes over half our monthly income. Holding off on traveling for a honeymoon wouldnt kill us lol.
Sorry, I am just talking this all through in my head. I, of course adore my fiance, but he isn’t much help right now, mostly becasue he had dental surgery and can’t deal with me haha. I like to plan plan and the way I process is by talking and it can be annoying which is no fun when you are in killer dental pain lol 😛
I think I am cleaning towards a small party/reception. 40 people, wine and dessert, or wine and brunch, or wine and catered via buffet style if I can afford it. Cupcakes. Music via iPod. No speeches unless parents and others really want too.
His family may think it is unconvential, but that is okay, I mean we arent’ that conventional to begin with.
Post # 9
I would do a wedding ceremony and simple reception in front of about 40ish people like you said.
Post # 10
If I were you (based on what you’ve mentioned in previous posts) I would do a small cake/punch/wine thing and use your trip to Greece as your honeymoon!
Post # 11
Is there any difference between calling it a “reception” or calling it a “party or celebration”? I just feel like there is a lot attached and expected from the word reception… thoughts?