Already Torn: Elope, Small Wedding, Elope+Party etc

posted 3 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
1293 posts
Bumble bee

We’ve ended up with a big wedding. £10K and 100+ guests. I’m kind of now – largely because of the finances if I’m honest – wondering whether we ought to have eloped, but I know we’ll have a fantastic day.

For us, one of the deciding factors was who we wanted to be there. Grandparents for example who wouldn’t be able/willing to travel abroad. We could’ve had a small wedding, but I have a large family and in the end we got a good deal on the venue we chose so we can accommodate everybody. The other costs we’re incurring – such as dresses, suits etc – probably wouldn’t have been much different for fewer people.

If I were you, I’d make a start towards planning all three weddings. Once you start looking around you’ll hopefully get a feel for what you want.

Post # 3
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

I’ve been team elope my whole life and Fiance used to always say “whatever you want babe…”, until we actually got engaged and started really talking about it.  he knows a big ceremony is a NOPE but immediate family is just too important and his mother would lose it if she couldn’t be there.  so our compromise is courthouse ceremony, then party after with everyone at the house.  it’s not my first choice but we’re each trying to make the other happy.

Post # 4
2728 posts
Sugar bee

I always wanted to elope too until we started actually talking about plans. He felt like his mom in particular would be sad if we didn’t have a ‘real’ wedding. The more I thought about it the more I felt like this was a unique chance to get our families and friends together and do something special, so we’re now doing a small 50-60 person wedding with our immediate families & close friends only. I still think elopements are lovely, but now I’m looking forward to having an intimate wedding. We’ll probably take a simpler honeymoon as a result, but we’ll have a lifetime for trips together and only one wedding.   

Post # 6
2747 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We eloped. It is what we both wanted. I never was one to sit around dreaming of my wedding. We were more focused on our honeymoon. 😉 It wasn’t a hard decision for us at all. 

Post # 7
2311 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

View original reply
arriaza415 :  While I’ve always wanted to have a wedding, FH has stage fright, so was never stoked on the idea. He has always said he would do whatever I wanted, because it was so important to me, but I wanted him to have the kind of day he’d enjoy too.

Ultimately, we decided on a tiny destination wedding. People here have corrected me calling it a Langiappe Elopement, because it won’t be sudden or a surprise. It will however, be kind of a secret.

I have several people in my life I absolutely must have with me on my day (my daughter chief among them). FH has a few really close friends he’d like to celebrate with as well. We both have strained relationships with family – though his is a bit more fraught – such that we’d prefer they not attend.

We’ve basically decided to tell family we’re eloping, then invite the handful of folks we really want to have meet us there. There won’t be a wedding party to speak of and the guest list will only be about 25 people. We’re going to keep it very low key and just have brunch after in the hotel where we’re having the ceremony.

I’d encourage you to think about how you’d feel if it was just the two of you, versus a really small group of people to share your day. You can always tell his folks it’s immediate family only, and keep it small. The budget you cite seems totally workable for a super intimate ceremony.

Whatever you decide, don’t feel guilty. It’s ultimately about you and FH and you should decide together what will feel best. Anyone who isn’t happy for you shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

Post # 9
5291 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
arriaza415 :  I would do a wedding ceremony and simple reception in front of about 40ish people like you said.

Post # 10
567 posts
Busy bee

If I were you (based on what you’ve mentioned in previous posts) I would do a small cake/punch/wine thing and use your trip to Greece as your honeymoon!

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