(Closed) Already unhappy

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was just thinking about you. Hope you are ok.

Post # 48
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You need to look him in the eye, stand tall, and tell him you’re not putting up with that…my man is there for me emotionally and the reason why is bc I tell him what I need…they’re thick headed sometimes, friend.

Post # 49
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Another vote for totally overreacting. 

I’ll never get the whole jack and jill bachelor party thing.  The whole point of one of those parties is to celebrate your last night being SINGLE with your friends.  If you’re with your Fiance, you’re kind of defeating the point of the party.  Was this a decision you made together?  That could help in evaluating his behavior.  It also struck me that you gave back the ring and were upset that he didn’t chase after you when you went outside.  It all seems very dramatic and attention-seeking.  The bachelor party is one of the few areas of wedding planning the guys get excited about.  Asking that he forgo that and ignore his friends because you’re not feeling well is a little selfish on your part, to be perfectly frank.  I’m sure all of your friends were there too, any of them would be perfectly capable of taking care of you if it really came down to that.  I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but I honestly think you’re losing some perspective with all of the wedding planning stress. 

Thinking of calling the whole thing off 3 days after the wedding based on what you posted seems like an extreme over the top reaction to me.  Take a little time, create some space and look back on this in a month or so.  You’ll likely look at it totally differently from the way you’re looking at it now.

Post # 50
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I want to apologize if this comes off a bit harsh, it is not my intention to hurt your feelings at all. I’d also like to add that I believe your feelings are valid and you are entitled to feel upset. With that said, I don’t this is a big enough reason for divorce/annulment.

Here’s the thing: In your vows, you promised to love each other for better or for worse etc. So,  you can’t jump ship at the first sign of rockiness!

I imagine that when he proposed and you said yes, that there was something there that made it seem it would last forever.  (I don’t want to imagine that you thought “Yes, but I’m out as soon as you seem different.”)  So, there is a side of him, that you don’t like. You need to work it out with him.  Talk about it and see how he can behave in the future when he is around you and his brother.  It’s a great chance to practice and work on communication. Divorce or annulment just seems like you’re giving up on marriage before you’ve even started. 

Post # 51
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Looking at this rationally, you basically had a fight at the bachelor/ette party, which appears to be down to both of you wanting to be a bit selfish – you for storming off and expecting him to follow, and him for wanting to be alone with his friends, and so ignoring you. So? Can’t you just talk it over, decide that in retrospect the joint thing wasn’t a great idea, and you both behaved a bit badly? And forgive each other?

At the wedding, I think your view has been coloured by bad feeling about the party. I mean, I don’t know how weddings are done in the US, but in the UK the speeches/toasts are continuous – while everyone’s sat at the table, the FOB, groom and Best Man say their bit. I can’t really imagine a situation where the bride would go and change during that…forgive me if I’m missing something? Why did you change when there were still “official” parts of the evening left to go? And why is that your husband’s fault? 

I don’t think I’ve been to a wedding where the couple spend most of their time together – there’s usually too many people to talk to! People you’ve invited because you want them there too…I hardly saw my Fiance at our engagement party – there’s not one single photo of us together! – but I don’t infer from that that he doesn’t love me. 

I’m really not trying to be mean, I just think you need to take a careful look at what actually happened, and gain some perspective. What was your husband feeling during all this? How does he feel about it now? Is there anything he’s angry at you for? Try and put yourself in his position.

I fall out with people I love, and I hurt them, and they hurt me, but part of loving people is that you work through it, and get past it. 

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