Post # 1
My fiance have been together for almost 8 years and engaged since 9/1/07. We never intended to have the traditional wedding. We wanted something small and intimate so we planned to get married in Jamaica on 5/7/09, just the two of us. No big deal right? Wrong!! He has lived in Texas for the past 7 years and I have been in South Carolina. He went to TX for graduate school and eventually landed a job there. Our plan was that he would return to the east coast before or shortly after we married. Well the economy is not exactly working with us as he is having trouble finding a job and neither of us can afford to quit a job to move. After much debate (internal) I am feeling that we should not get married in May because we will continue to live in different states and I just don’t think that we should start our marriage that way. I really don’t want to wait any longer to get married because we are not getting any younger (I’m 29 and he’s 30) and we would like to start a family soon. It almost feels as though this is never going to work for us. We absolutely love each other and know that we are meant to be together, we just don’t know when that’s going to be. Should we get married and live apart or just wait a little longer? Please Help!!!!
Post # 3
Is there any way for you to move to where he is? I am a firm believer in "Love never fails." I am sure you guys can find a way to make it work. I wish you the BEST of luck.
Post # 4
We have thought about my moving to Texas but don’t think it is wise in this economy to leave a job. We are both doing fairly well financially.
Post # 5
I’m worried that you two would still be apart indefinitely even after marriage. One of you is going to have to move eventually. Are you waiting for the economy to improve before you move, and if so, how long are you intending to wait? What if the economy doesn’t cooperate? How long will you wait then?
Unfortunately you can’t control the economy, and I think waiting for these outside factors to fall into place (economy, grad school, jobs, etc.) is part of what’s hurting you. If you are doing pretty well financially, can you save money to finance a move for one of you and cover a period of unemployment? You mentioned starting a family; did you intend both of you to work during that period? If not, a one-income lifestyle might be not so far into your future, and this would be without the expense of a baby at first. In terms of job hunting, it is much easier to find a job in the city in which you’re living. Companies don’t want to hire people who have to relocate. Network with people at your current jobs to find out who they know in your respective cities.
It might not be the most responsible thing to leave a job in this economy, but there are some decisions that are going to be hard to make no matter when you make them and you have to evaluate if it’s worth it to you. There is no best time for this. Since you are unhappy apart, I think you need to make concrete plans to be together before you worry about getting married. Good luck to both of you 🙂
Post # 6
If it really is just the job factor holding you back from getting married, then I say go ahead and get hitched!
My aunt & uncle lived apart for almost a full year after their wedding while she tried to find a job where he lived. They’ve been haapily web for 10 years now.
And a good friend and his wife currently live in two seperate cities while she finished off her PhD during their first year of marriage.
It can work!
Post # 7
I quit my job and moved 2,000 miles across the country to be with my guy. It took me seven months to find a new job, but guess what? Not only are we happily and physically together again, but my new job pays me more than double what my old one did! (I moved instead of him because he makes more and has better benefits than I did.) We did the long-distance thing for about two years prior, so I know what it can be like. I would recommend setting a time limit on how long you are willing to wait things out before making a decision on who moves. Develop your game plan and be sure you are both on the same page. If you are both doing well financially, then one person supporting the other for a while should be worth it since you’ll actually be together then.