Post # 1
So I have a six year old girl. My husband has helped raise her since she was 1. She sees her dad for the summers and every other christmas. Apart from that he’s non existant. DH is the one at all the father daughter functions, plays, birthday parties, etc.
We now hVe a two month old and yesterday DH was talking to her in third person and says “awe, don’t cry. Mike is here. Ill give you a bottle. ” I said to him “you know she’s your kid and is going to call you dad right?” And he looks at the baby and says “I know… you can call me mike little baby. You don’t have to call me dad.” I was too confused to ask him to explain until later
He says he doesn’t want the oldest to feel left out or sad by the baby calling him dad. The oldest thinks of him as dad but even if only partly there she has a “dad”. Her bio dad is ok with her calling DH anything but “dad”.
So we can perhaps give him a nickname for both the girls to call him like dad but not dad so they feel equal? I don’t know if this would be a good alternative. And what other names could they call him besides dad?
Post # 2
The only thing that comes to mind for me is “Pop” or some variation of that.
Post # 4
Pappa is cute 🙂
Or DaddyMike, but that might not work because ‘dad’ is in it.
Post # 6
My husband and his siblings call their father by his first name and always have. He refers to himself in cards and such as “Papa FIRSTNAME”. It took a bit for me to get used to it, but it’s just the way their family does things. They call their mom Mumma instead of Mom.
SOOOO Mike wouldn’t be unprecendented, and if your husband is comfortable with it, then that’s fine. I like Papa or Pa, too, but really I think you should let the kids decide.
Post # 7
My dad and I have called each other boo or boo boo or some variation since I was a little girl.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
Mrslovebug: Papa, paidre, baba, poppa …
Post # 9
All my friends call my dad Popsicle, it started of at just Pop and then grew lol. I think it’s super funny and gives him that fatherly name without being to fatherly because he has always been a dad figure to them and has always loved them but they still have there own dad. Even I call him Popsicle sometimes. I think something like that could work for your kids becuase like I said it’s fun but then as they grow up they can shorten it to Pop but they will still have that special name for him.
Post # 11
I agree with previous posts about calling him Pop. My FI and I have a nearly identical situation to yours. However, my son’s bio father is almost completely non-existant (Hasn’t called since Christmas and hasn’t visited in almost 2 years. Makes zero effort to be a dad). Once our daughter was born (my son was 6), we started using the term “Daddy” with our daughter and my son asked if he could call FI daddy, too. My son had always called FI by his first name. FI has been in the picture since my son was 2, he is now almost 8. He calls FI “Daddy” and his bio father “Dad.”
I understand your daughter’s bio father isn’t ok with her using the term “dad” which I would respect, but I don’t think the new baby shouldn’t be able to call him Dad. If that is something you both think is best, then I completely respect it, you two are her parents. Having been through the same situation, it can be hard to figure out at first. We never wanted my son to feel left out, but he asked to call FI daddy, and I feel that if that is what he feels comfortable with then he should be allowed to do so. My Ex-H wasn’t happy when he first heard our son refer to FI as “daddy”, but he sucked it up and let it go, he understands that FI is raising him, too.
I have been to counseling for all of it because I was worried about how to handle the situation with my son. It was actually my counselor who suggested to let my son call FI whatever he decides, not to suggest anything. That’s what we did and have had zero issues. Whatever you two decide, it sounds like your DH is a wonderful dad and loves your daughter. I doubt whatever route you take she will feel left out. She knows she is loved.
Post # 12
Another vote for Papa, but Daddy would work too if Bio Dad is only opposed to “Dad”
Post # 13
This should be dealt within the family. Why don’t you ask your daughter what she wants to call your FI? Perhaps she’s fine with calling him Mike and doesn’t want to call him Pop or anything else. If your FI and your daughter is fine with refering to him by his first name, why change it?
Post # 14
In our family my older DD refers to DH as daddy with our younger daughter, as in “look sissy, daddy is home!”, but calls him by his first name when speaking to him directly. Her bio dad is not much in the picture- but I am not about to go erasing his existence for her.
Post # 15
Are you or your husband particularly connected to a culture of heritage or something? Maybe you could use the word for father in another language. For instance I’m Jewish and in Hebrew, dad is “Aba”, so I sometimes call my dad that. Similarly, if you or your husband is Latino/a, you could use “Papi,” or if you have Italian heritage you could use “babbo.”