(Closed) Alternative to addressing couples as “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith”

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I hate the Mr. and Mrs. thing too. Women have names damnit! lol. I am just addressing everything as John and Jane Smith. I know its improper but our wedding isn’t super formal, and I’m not a super formal person. The only people who are getting Mr. and Mrs. are the older members of FI’s family because I don’t know how traditional they are and they really don’t know me at all. 

Post # 4
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yeah, either do “Jane and John Smith” or “Mr and Mrs Smith” 

Post # 5
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I didn’t want to write Mr. and Mrs. John Smith because I felt like women should be included as well! Our invites were addressed Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith. Some people probably thought that I am etiquette stupid, but oh well!

Post # 6
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I did a bunch of research on this before sending my invites and ending up addressing them like this:

Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith

I hate the idea of leaving out the woman’s name!

Post # 7
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@jaylii9: That’s how I’m planning to do it as well! Hopefully people don’t think too poorly of us 😛

Post # 10
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

We did a combination for Jane and John Smith (primarily for younger couples) and use Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith for couples we thought might expect more of a formality.

I agree with you ladies – just b/c I’m married, doesn’t mean I took over my husband’s first name.  Barf.

Post # 11
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Not that I’m a big fan of this specific etiquette… but you are “suppose” to not break the male’s name.  So, we are addressing married couples as “Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith”… so the woman’s title and first name comes first and then the man’s full name.  I completely agree that I hate the idea of a woman not getting a first name… but I figured I’ll keep with etiquette somewhat by doing it this way.

 

Post # 12
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Oh yeah.  I think we actually did what @Steak said and put Mrs. Jane first.  Although I think I did it more b/c I wanted the women’s name first than b/c I knew it was proper etiquette 🙂

Post # 13
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We are doing John and Jane Smith (& Family, when applicable).  Our wedding is not a truly formal black tie affair, so we didn’t feel it was necessary to do an ultra formal address.  Plus a lot of our female friends went the hypenated last name when they married, so they get an independent listing anyways.

Post # 14
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

The ‘proper’ way to address if that’s what you want is like this:

Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith (you’re not supposed to separate the man from his last name).

If the woman kept her maiden name:

Ms. Jane Roberts and Mr. John Smith

If the woman hyphenated her name:

Ms. Jane Roberts-Smith and Mr. John Smith

Other forms:

Drs. Jane and John Smith

Dr. Jane and Mr. John Smith

Mrs. Jane and Dr. John Smith

etc…

 

I also thought it was not appropriate in this day and age to leave out a woman’s name and looked this up thoroughly. Most likely? No one else will notice other than you or other brides who looked this up though, no matter what way you do it.

Post # 15
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I kept it simple “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”

Post # 16
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Just be aware that some of your older guests may remember the old rule that “Mrs. Jane Smith” should only be used for a divorcee.  When we polled our guests, we discovered that the chances of insulting someone by using “Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith” were about equal to insulting someone by using “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.”

We figured out how each couple wanted to be addressed, and used that.  If you don’t know, you’re less likely to offend people with “Jane and John Smith” than with any other version.

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