"Alternative" wedding? HELP!

posted 7 months ago in Themes
Post # 2
6448 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

fiancetobee :  Serve Vegan — no one should have to compromise their morals/ethics (I assume) in order to give someone else a hunk of meat. They’ll live.  Make it something that’s very often vegan anyway so they don’t even notice.  I highly recommend finding an Indian caterer.  Who whines about Samosas?

As to the rest, they can club it up at their own weddings.  You do one that represents you.  Have your dancing under the stars.  You should be able to find some music that’s peppy without being clubby. I played a lot of oldies at mine, though dancing wasn’t really much of a plan for us. 

The whole thing sounds great, IMO

Post # 3
283 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you have to compromise on your values (being vegan) just to be a good host.  If you believe eating animal products is wrong and not something in which you want to participate, have a fully vegan wedding.  I love vegan food and am not even close to a vegan.

have a wedding that is you, not trying to mollify guests.  An open bar is NOT a must if you don’t want one, but it does change the type of party you’ll have.  If you want a total dancing party, alcohol helps.  But it isn’t a necessity.

Post # 4
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

This sounds like a fun wedding.  Vegan food won’t hurt anyone, unless you don’t disclose food allergens.  (For example, I am allergic to tree nuts and am always afraid vegan places will have “mac and cheese” made from cashew milk or something like that, so I often avoid eating anything without a clear ingredient list.  Even though I would probably trust a regular mac and cheese without asking.)  I also think that naturally vegan foods are better than foods trying to be something else (For example, a vegetable stirfry or portobello sandwich is better than a vegan hot dog with vegan mac & cheese.)  Have lots of snacks or appetizers because many people worry that vegan entrees won’t be filling or they wont like them. (Even though they are usually fine.) And I can’t imagine a person who wouldnt enjoy dancing to a live band under the stars.  Even if you normally like clubs, that would still be fun.  

Just my thoughts.  I am not vegan but my daughter is allergic to milk & eggs, and my college boyfriend was vegan.  So I am used to making vegan food and having people refuse to try it or scoff at it for no reason.  My sister in law told me my daughter’s “vegan” chocolate bar was gross when it was just normal dark chocolate.

Post # 5
8777 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

fiancetobee :  This sounds like a totally normal wedding to me. They are not all identical, there is a huge range of perfectly acceptable weddings. If you’re vegan, why would your friends or family expect meat? Don’t make a big deal of it or announce beforehand that it’s a vegan wedding, just plan your menu like everyone else does. nbd. Same with the dance floor. You don’t even need alcohol if you don’t want. I wouldn’t consider any of this “alternative”. 

Post # 6
3205 posts
Sugar bee

You can make amazing dishes that are vegan and will taste fantastic. If that’s your lifestyle, I don’t think you should need to compromise it to accommodate friends and family. They can live with dishes that are meat and animal product free for a night.

Also, I’d take dancing under the stars over a “club scene” any and every day of the week. It sounds so laid back and beautiful. I wouldn’t skip the bar, though, because the majority of your guests probably will be drinking. Of course that’s up to you!

Post # 7
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2020 - City, State

If you really want to offer your guests a bar (personally a I think it’s a good idea) but alcohol isn’t a high priority, you can always do beer and wine instead of a full bar. I agree with pps about vegan menu, go for it but go for things that are classic and normally vegan rather than veganified versions of traditionally animal-based foods. If dancing isn’t a priority, just make sure there’s something fun for guests to do if the music isn’t their thing… there are a few ideas here, but I’m sure you’ll think of something perfect for your own wedding!


Cards against humanity and Apples to Apples always go over well, I find

Post # 8
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I think beer and wine would be sufficient… dancing under the stars with a live band sounds lovely. 

Vegan really depends on the guests. If the reception is a thank you to your guests, I’d rather provide mostly vegan dishes with a meat dish than fully vegan unless I knew the majority of my guests would be into a fully vegan night. 

Post # 9
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Melbourne, Australia

It sounds delightful!

My suggestion? Do what you both want to do, the way you both want to do it. It is your day.

The people who truly know and love you will just be so honoured to be there, and happy for you 🙂

I’m not vegan, but it wouldn’t bother me at all if my vegan friends chose to serve only vegan food at their wedding, because hey, that’s them, and the wedding is about them!

A live band and a dance floor under the stars sounds perfect <3

Post # 10
32 posts
  • Wedding: November 2018

Have the wedding you want to have – we dragged our family and friends half way across the world to Miami just so we could have an outside wedding and dance under the stars! We also don’t drink but had an open bar as it was so cheap. Everyone enjoyed it. Certainly helped with the dancing later on 😂 

With the food…we picked our favourites for the canapés (octopus, scallops etc) knowing that no one else but us would be interested…we then chose filet mignon and truffle fries for our entree as the majority would enjoy, even though we’d have picked something unusual ourselves. To this day all the guests can talk about is how delicious the ‘strange canapés’ were and how they couldn’t believe they ate that sort of thing! 

Go with your vegan choices – it’ll definitely be something the guests remember! X

Post # 11
10454 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

fiancetobee :  

There is a Thai restaurant in California that offers a real version and a tofu version of their entrees. If you order Tofu Duck, for example, your “duck” will be fashioned out of tofu and good luck telling which one is real and which one is tofu. The taste is spectacular.

It’s quite amazing what they can do with tofu.

Of course, you wouldn’t mislead your guests and you would be prepared for all of the groaning when they hear “tofu”.

Post # 12
1181 posts
Bumble bee

Perhaps a lunch / brunch wedding would avoid the alcohol issue? 

Ive unknowingly been to vegan restaurants that, for the first 10 mins looking at the menu all I thought about was “that looks yummy, that looks yummy, that looks yummy”, then suddenly realise wait, there’s no meat lol… goes to show vegan food can definitely be delicious and you don’t have to be vegan to appreciate it. I think a lot of people might just not be a fan of “fake meat”. I suggest serving normal dishes that are naturally vegan. 

Post # 13
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Dancing under the stars with a live band is beautiful and everyone will love it! 

I also don’t see what you can’t have vegan food – I eat meat and I would be perfectly happy with this, I don’t refuse to eat vegan food, I love some vegan meals, I just don’t want them all the time. 1 day is quite alright! 

Personally I would have the usual bottle of wine on the table and a toast of whatever you like then a bar where people can buy drinks if they want to. 

This is YOUR wedding. And whilst you want people to enjoy it, it should be a reflection of you. 

Good luck! xxx

Post # 14
98 posts
Worker bee

I think your ideas sound amazing and even if your circle has done club style weddings so far, I think they’ll actually go for a bit of variety. Mix things up! It sounds wonderful really.

Also, do the vegan menu, definitely. People should be open to alternative things as opposed to expect the couple to bend their morals. I think it’s good to try alternative dishes once in a while and what better motivation to go for it than at your friends’ wedding. My only issue would be the same as a PP said, that many vegan dishes use nuts so definitely list allergens at the food.

I do think you should do a bar if you’re not too opposed to itbecause while you don’t need it, it is something that puts a lot of people in a festive mood.

Happy planning! 🙂 

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