Post # 1
Hello all, I’ve been reading up on many on the posts in this board. They really area wonderful help.
I recently got engaged and am in the planning process with my fiance. We are both Catholic though not regularly practicing. We are planning to have our wedding in Chicago (we are in DC) and are struggling with the ceremony portion.
With no church affiliation in Chicago and not regularly practicing, we’re not sure a ceremony in the church is right for us. However, we do want to have the option to baptize children in the future.
Are there other alternatives before I begin researching local and other churches in Chicago?
Post # 3
I don’t believe you have to get married in the church in order to have your children baptized Catholic. I’m pretty sure if you want to baptize a baby in the Catholic church, you just have to show that you are serious in raising the child in the faith; you don’t have to have a Catholic wedding to prove this.
Post # 4
I know from experience that we were asked by our priest to agree to raise our kids Catholic. But, if you want a simple ceremony, you can have a Catholic Sacrament without the full Eucharist. That way it’s not the crazy full on Mass, but you still get the readings and the vows. In MI you have to do at least 6mos of pre-cana prep work and I know that is a lot for some people. I like the wedding prep. Helps remind me that our wedding is about the marriage and us, not just the girly details.
Post # 5
Congrats on your engagement! You can opt to have a secular or non-denominational ceremony for the time being. If you later decide to start practicing/find a church/want to have your children baptized, you can have a convalidation ceremony done by your church.
Post # 6
Also, the 6-month pre-cana work is actually just a few hours’ worth of sessions, which begin about 6 months before the wedding.
I agree, you could either have a small non-Mass Catholic ceremony, or you could get a convalidation later on in the event that you do decide to become practicing church members.
No matter what you do with your marriage, it will not be an impediment to baptizing your kids Catholic, as others have said.
Post # 7
thanks for all of your help ladies!
Post # 8
“With no church affiliation in Chicago and not regularly practicing, we’re not sure a ceremony in the church is right for us. However, we do want to have the option to baptize children in the future.”
– I would recommend that you both start going back to Church. There is so much that you can get out of the mass (i.e. Eucharist/Communion)
– Wanting the option to baptize your child, requires that you too believe and practice. You are asking the Church to provide your children with the opportunity to become Catholic, learn the teachings, and have the hopes of salvation… But are not willing to make the investment yourselves to be of the faith.
Hopefully I did not offend you with my response, as there is no intention to… but I feel you deserve to know the truth. After all, why have your children baptized if you too do not believe. Faith needs to begin at home… strengthened by the Church, and continually nurtured by the internal desire to learn more. The first part seems to be missing…
Post # 9
You should call your family priest [someone must go to church in either his family or yours] and ask this question directly. “If we do not get married in a Catholic Church are we able to raise our children Catholic?
There are priest’s which follow every rule; and others who adapt to the needs of the couple. The problem is that the priest may not be alive when you have kids. So the question is really “what does the church law say?” You will have to go with the mainline word in case when it comes time to Christen your children you can’t find a priest who will let you.
A possibility may be, like someone said, to have a private church wedding [you may get to wear your dress twice! WOW.] And then at a later date, have a Ring Blessing Service for friends and family followed by your reception. The Blessing can ‘look like a wedding’ but you’re already married. The plus side of this is that you can do anything you want; you can have a friend preside over the vows. So, this option is letting you have your cake and eat it, too.
Let us know what you decide! Best of Luck. By the way, I think your thinking is very mature and responsible. Good for you!!
Post # 10
Thanks Momma for your thoughts.
I actually ended up reconnecting with a priest I knew when I was back in college (at a jesuit school).
My fiance and I have spoken with him and he is going to preside over the ceremony and find us a location that suits all of our needs.
After long discussions with my fiance, we decided we did want to get married in the church. It will both fill our needs and make BOTH of our families happy as well. So it’s a win-win.
We’re looking forward to working with our priest to reconnect with our faith and prepare for our marriage.
Post # 11
I am so happy for you. I hope other people find out, as I said, that there is always a clergy who is happy to help you out, if you think about your contacts….which you did. GREAT RESOURCE, your college chaplain. Congrat’s for you and him; and, bravo to the priest. Good for him. I hope you find a site which works.
Post # 12
We DID find a site! After lots of stress. It’s costing us a bit more than we were prepared, but its a beautiful church (so no decorations needed) and they are flexible with what our needs are!
One planning step checked off! 🙂