Post # 1
I’m wondering if anyone has experiences you can share? My father is great, so it’s not about that, but I am a very staunch feminist and I really hate the connotation of my father “giving” me to my husband. I would like to honour my father in some way though, and I don’t want him to feel left out of the wedding.
any ideas for something else he can do? i thought maybe reading something, but we’re not religious and I’m not sure how that will fit in at the ceremony portion of the event (secular wedding). We will obviously be having some speeches at the reception, but it might get a bit much if all of our parents make speeches!
Post # 2
I had my dad walk me down the aisle, but no one said anything about “who gives this woman…” Although the tradition it stems from is outdated, I didn’t find anything wrong with having my dad walk me down and give me a hug. It was more like a “I”m so happy for you today” than anything else. In the same way, my husband wanted to walk down the aisle with his mother, which was so sweet. Because of her health, a few years ago I’d have worried she wouldn’t even be there that day.
That being said, my husband’s father “officiated” for us. We had his spare brother walk my mom down the aisle, but your dad could easily do so as well. Moms often do a unity ceremony – I don’t think that has to be religiously based – but a dad could participate in that, too. Or he could emcee the night, even (assuming he’d want to).
Post # 3
I am also planning a secular ceremony. Have you talked to your father about it? He may have some ideas. He may have been looking forward to walking you down the aisle. Maybe you can change the wording of this part of the ceremony so instead of “who gives this woman away” to something more like ” As a representative of the family I, her father, give our blessing of this union”
Post # 4
What about taking those words about giving away the bride out all together?
if you still don’t care for the concept what about a reading?
Post # 5
If your mother is in your life you could have both parents walk you down the aisle, less giving you away and more standing by you as you transition to this new stage in your life.
Having him do a reading during the ceremony is always an option. If you don’t have a ring bearer, he could be the one to present the officiant with your rings.
Post # 6
I’m curious about this as well. I’m a fully independent woman who never, ever relied on my pain in the ass father, and this is my second wedding so I’ve already been “given away”. But he’s a whiny little bitch so we’ll have to do something just so he doesn’t throw a temper tantrum and threaten to call the cops or ban me from his house (I wish I were kidding)
Post # 7
The reading doesn’t have to be religious in nature – I have seen some great suggestions in other threads from “The Giving Tree” to “The Velveteen Rabbit.” I also saw a ceremony where they did some kind of ring blessing where they had the rings passed around and had each guest hold the rings in their hands and imbue them with good wishes. Maybe if you include some kind of “extra” like that in the ceremony, he could take part in that?
Post # 8
My dad waits with my mom in the aisle, and I and my then-fiance walked together to the aisle.
Post # 9
I was strongly against being given away as well. I walked solo down the aisle and then once I arrived at the end and stood next to my fiance our officiant asked “Who presents this man and this woman to be married?” and both sets of our parents stood up and said “We do.” It felt like a good compromise to me, although I’m pretty sure my father was stilled pissed about it. I didn’t really care — You leave our family when I was just 3 years old and I only see you twice a month for the rest of my life? You forfeit the right to walk me down the aisle.
Post # 10
Thanks for all the suggestions so far – please do keep ideas coming. There will definitely not be a part of the ceremony which asks about presenting people to be married – I don’t think this is something we do around here unless it’s a very religious wedding, or if it is, I’ve never heard it at the weddings I’ve been to.
I havent spoken to him to him about it yet because I’d like to come with ideas for alternatives when I do discuss it. He’s also not super traditional and so he won’t be offended, but I like to focus on solutions rather than problems.
Post # 11
I’m planning to ask both my parents to walk me down the aisle and either not having the officiant say anything or changing the wording. Then it’s not patriarchal and my parents get to be involved.
Post # 12
I’m with you, I’m not into the “giving the bride away” thing. However, my dad is traditional, and he would feel very disrespected if he didn’t walk me down the aisle – which rubs me the wrong way, if I’m being honest, but he paid for part of the wedding, so I have to pack up my feminism for a bit. Since Fiance and I wrote the ceremony, we decided to have the officiant ask, “Who blesses this woman in marriage?” This way, there’s no ownership, and yet the more traditional folks will get the warm fuzzies about having my parents approve of my Fiance.
As I said, it’s not my first choice, but rather an acceptable compromise.
Post # 13
I just got married in March, I was not a fan of anyone walking me down the aisle And no one did. My family all sat together in the first row, I walked down the aisle and before standing at the front with my husband gave my parents a hug And told them I loved them.
My dad didnt make an issue about it at all, but I did do the father daughter dance with him because we used to dance together all the time in our living room and have some favirite songs, so I felt like that was our special thing.
Post # 14
Could he walk down the aisle runner? Kind of clearing the way for you?
typically people only “present” others if they paid for the wedding.
Post # 15
Could he and your mother give you a hug right before the aisle starts? That is kinda of like saying “we are sending you off on your day?”