(Closed) Alternatives to father walking me down the aisle? Something else for him to do?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
6949 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I had my dad walk me down the aisle, but no one said anything about “who gives this woman…”  Although the tradition it stems from is outdated, I didn’t find anything wrong with having my dad walk me down and give me a hug.  It was more like a “I”m so happy for you today” than anything else.  In the same way, my husband wanted to walk down the aisle with his mother, which was so sweet.  Because of her health, a few years ago I’d have worried she wouldn’t even be there that day.

That being said, my husband’s father “officiated” for us.  We had his spare brother walk my mom down the aisle, but your dad could easily do so as well.  Moms often do a unity ceremony – I don’t think that has to be religiously based – but a dad could participate in that, too.  Or he could emcee the night, even (assuming he’d want to).

Post # 3
Member
2317 posts
Buzzing bee

I am also planning a secular ceremony. Have you talked to your father about it? He may have some ideas. He may have been looking forward to walking you down the aisle.  Maybe you can change the wording of this part of the ceremony so instead of “who gives this woman away” to something more like ” As a representative of the family I, her father, give our blessing of this union” 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  Lokie85.
Post # 4
Member
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

What about taking those words about giving away the bride out all together?

if you still don’t care for the concept what about a reading?

Post # 5
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
datura:  If your mother is in your life you could have both parents walk you down the aisle, less giving you away and more standing by you as you transition to this new stage in your life. 

Having him do a reading during the ceremony is always an option. If you don’t have a ring bearer, he could be the one to present the officiant with your rings. 

Post # 6
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m curious about this as well. I’m a fully independent woman who never, ever relied on my pain in the ass father, and this is my second wedding so I’ve already been “given away”. But he’s a whiny little bitch so we’ll have to do something just so he doesn’t throw a temper tantrum and threaten to call the cops or ban me from his house (I wish I were kidding)

anywho. Following!

Post # 7
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

The reading doesn’t have to be religious in nature – I have seen some great suggestions in other threads from “The Giving Tree” to “The Velveteen Rabbit.” I also saw a ceremony where they did some kind of ring blessing where they had the rings passed around and had each guest hold the rings in their hands and imbue them with good wishes. Maybe if you include some kind of “extra” like that in the ceremony, he could take part in that?

Post # 8
Member
721 posts
Busy bee

My dad waits with my mom in the aisle, and I and my then-fiance walked together to the aisle.

Post # 9
Member
35 posts
Newbee

I was strongly against being given away as well. I walked solo down the aisle and then once I arrived at the end and stood next to my fiance our officiant asked “Who presents this man and this woman to be married?” and both sets of our parents stood up and said “We do.” It felt like a good compromise to me, although I’m pretty sure my father was stilled pissed about it. I didn’t really care — You leave our family when I was just 3 years old and I only see you twice a month for the rest of my life? You forfeit the right to walk me down the aisle. 

Post # 11
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

I’m planning to ask both my parents to walk me down the aisle and either not having the officiant say anything or changing the wording. Then it’s not patriarchal and my parents get to be involved.

Post # 12
Member
406 posts
Helper bee

I’m with you, I’m not into the “giving the bride away” thing. However, my dad is traditional, and he would feel very disrespected if he didn’t walk me down the aisle – which rubs me the wrong way, if I’m being honest, but he paid for part of the wedding, so I have to pack up my feminism for a bit. Since Fiance and I wrote the ceremony, we decided to have the officiant ask, “Who blesses this woman in marriage?” This way, there’s no ownership, and yet the more traditional folks will get the warm fuzzies about having my parents approve of my Fiance.

As I said, it’s not my first choice, but rather an acceptable compromise.

Post # 13
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I just got married in March, I was not a fan of anyone walking me down the aisle And no one did. My family all sat together in the first row, I walked down the aisle and before standing at the front with my husband gave my parents a hug And told them I loved them. 

My dad didnt make an issue about it at all, but I did do the father daughter dance with him because we used to dance together all the time in our living room and have some favirite songs, so I felt like that was our special thing. 

 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Could he walk down the aisle runner? Kind of clearing the way for you?

typically people only “present” others if they paid for the wedding. 

Post # 15
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Could he and your mother give you a hug right before the aisle starts? That is kinda of like saying “we are sending you off on your day?”

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