(Closed) Although I expected it, the "no's" kind of hurt….

posted 6 years ago in September 2012
Post # 3
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know exactly how you feel. It really sucks.

One of my closest friends declined because her husband couldn’t get the day off work. This is the same friend I helped move until 2am on a weeknight when I had to be at work by 8 and drove to the airport at 3 am on another occasion.

One of DH’s aunts had RSVP’d yes, then a week before the wedding called and said that she was going to attend her neice’s dance recital then attend someone else’s anniversary party instead. It was the only member of FIL’s family who would have attended.

At the time it really hurt, but on the day you will be surrounded by a lot of people who love you, and you won’t even get a chance to spend a lot of time with each guest.  

Congrats, and hope you have a wonderful day!

Post # 4
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@missbumblebee:  No one from FI’s side RSVPed for my shower!  I didn’t expect everyone to make it, but that’s kind of hurtful.  I’m really close with some of them too.  I’m shocked.  I can only imagine the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I also get a little sad about some of the declines we’ve been getting. Most are declines for reasons that cant be helped, but it still kind of is upsetting. But I’m trying to just keep in mind that the people who will be there really love us. And many of the people that are coming are really making a huge effort to get there (fiances family is flying from the other side of the world, we have friends that are driving 15 hours to come, etc). And it will be such an awesome weekend no matter what.

Post # 6
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh people arent nice sometimes. My uncles wife decided not to come to my wedding and never bothered telling my mother or I about it. We went to Italy for there wedding (which was a little bit of a nightmare). We were just happy my dad could make it and his cancer treatments where worked around the wedding date.

Post # 7
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know what you mean, OP.  I decided not to put an RSVP on our invite (we only invited 100 people) because they’re all very close friends and family and we will have spoken to/will be speaking to all of them before the big day.  Since mailing the invites, we’ve heard from quite a few people who can’t make it including BOTH of my step-dad’s siblings, my FI’s brother, my FI’s closest cousin (his best friend), among a handful of others.

I completely understand why they can’t make it, but every time I hear of someone not being able to come, my heart sinks a little. 

Post # 8
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

my best friend and one of my bridesmaids cannot come, she got into a great grad program 10 hours away that starts two days before our wedding it is a completely valid reason but I cannot help being upset that she wont be there 🙁

Post # 9
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I haven’t gotten RSVPs back yet (I’d have to send them out to get them back!) but I think I’ll feel exactly the same way.  There are a lot of people that we are inviting because we’d like them to be there but know realistically that they probably won’t be able to.  Even knowing all that and not expecting them to be there, I think I’ll still be sad when those no’s come in.

Post # 11
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I felt the same way.  Alot of the reasons that people couldnt make it aren’t even legit reasons – “I couldn’t find a date” (you don’t need a date to attend, especially if there are going to be other people that you there without dates) and “I am starting to pack for our move” (move isn’t for a while).  The hurt feeling eventually goes away…trust me!

Post # 12
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m feeling the same. I’ve only gotten a portion of RSVPs back so far, but more than half are declines. All the declines are family members, some of who complained at Christmas when I said at the time we didn’t plan to have our wedding in America and they were upset they wouldn’t be able to come. So at great expense, we’re having our wedding in America. We’re travelling halfway around the world to come to them and they can’t even be bothered to take an afternoon off work and drive 30 minutes. I mean, why would I not feel offended by that? Especially because they all know this will be my last trip back to see them for the foreseeable future. Naturally, it makes me feel like they just don’t care.

Post # 13
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

my best childhood friend said no to my wedding and no to being my Maid/Matron of Honor becuase she should be in school ( bull*&^%) my wedding is august 25th next year and she even said no before we picked a date. i picked my FI’s little sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and she is more excited then i am. yes it really really hurt for her to say no before a date was picked but i’m more then happy with my current Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 14
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@missbumblebee:  I imagine I would be disappointed too, if I were having a big wedding (we plan to elope). Just try to think of it this way… your wedding is extremely important to you, but it’s ok for others to not place as much importance on it. It’s not a reflection on how they see you as a person or how much they care about you. For some people it’s simply just ‘another wedding’. Obviously it still sucks, but as long as these people are in your life and show you they care in other ways, then really it is only just one day of many that they will spend with you. Just try and distract yourself with planning and focus on the good times you’ll have with the people that will be there 🙂

Post # 15
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My uncle also isn’t coming. His wife and children are, but since we have bad blood with that side of the family, I’m pretty convinved they aren’t going to show…leaving us with the tab for several no-shows at $150 a pop.

Some “no’s” are shocking, but mostly, we really need like 30 people not to come so we are excited every time we see them…especially if they weren’t on our presumed “not coming” list!

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