Always feel insecure compared to my beautiful friend?

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 19
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

There’s a difference between knowing that someone is objectively/conventionally good looking and being attracted to them. There’s sometimes overlap, sure, but don’t doubt your FH that he is more attracted to you and only wants you.

And your exes are jerkwads, good thing you’re not marrying them! 

Post # 20
Member
1958 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

overthemoon2018 :  I’d be pretty upset too if my partner mentioned that about an ex and I can see why you feel insecure. Does your partner do anything/say anything to help your insecurity?

Post # 24
Member
1958 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

overthemoon2018 :  But will make comments (or not stop comments) about his hot ex? Do you believe him when he tells you  this? Or is it undermined by his other comments? Has he said anything specifically about your friend, or just his ex?

Post # 26
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee

Chances are excellent that your friend has insecurities of her own to contend with and she may not enjoy all the attention she garners. Life is not fair and there are always going to be people with extra looks, intelligence, money, power, influence. I was the one with extra looks, and believe me, life was not always smooth sailing and some truly weird shit happened to me. The hurtful part was the attitude I got from some women. In some cases I could detect anger, particulatly if their SO was acting weird around me. In many cases these were people I was meeting for the first time, so it wasn’t my personality they disliked. So don’t be upset at your friend. But most of all don’t focus on other women’s looks at all, and make an effort to love yourself. Your problem is that you don’t, and you can work on that.

Post # 27
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Oh yeah, I felt this way about one of my long time friends. Every single time we went out together (when I was single), dudes would be chatting with me and then only to find out they just were using me to get information about my friend! It was annoying for sure- I felt like I was invisible for a long time. She can be a bit of an attention whore though and the older I got, the less I gave a shit. My SO tells me all the time that he thinks I’m beautiful and he could sit there and just stare at me, which he does sometimes, and it creeps me out haha. My point is, is that I know she has her own issues and she’s not perfect. No one is. I’ve learned to admire other women’s beauty- but I don’t let it consume my thoughts of thinking how much more beautiful they are of me.

Post # 28
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

overthemoon2018 :  I get how you’re feeling. I had an ex that was the type of guy that seemed to drool over other girls (not one friend in particular but manyyy girls). It definitely made me more insecure about my flaws – like you, large pores and all that (I never leave the house without makeup). Sometimes its hard for me to believe my husband is really attracted to me allll the time, and I question if he’s attracted to people that I find “prettier” but honestly, he’s not. Its just my lack of self-esteem which I’m working on.

Think about it this way, not everyone finds the same features attractive. So just because SOO many ppl find your friend attractive doesn’t mean your fiance does. There are probably certain men, maybe a celebrity that it seems like everyone you know finds attractive but you just don’t think so! So believe your fiance when he says he finds you the most attractive, he would not have proposed to you if he thought your friend was prettier. 

Post # 29
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I had a friend in high school and some of college who was the blonde gorgeous one in our girl group of friends. All the guys liked her. it was pretty frustrating and at times made all of us insecure. But once I graduated college i realized pretty quickly how big the world is, and how the guys who want to date her aren’t the kind of guys i wanted to date anyways. 

She didn’t have a lot to give other than her looks so guys didn’t really want to date her, they wanted to bang her. In a way I felt sorry for her. Eventually she got herself kicked out of our friend group for being a super shitty friend to one of us during a time that friend was going through having a broken leg, and her father being almost about to die. When she was so uncaring to our friend going through that, none of us wanted to be friends with her anymore. 

Haven’t been friends with her for about 8 years and now that we are in our mid 30’s her beauty isnt’ so impressive anymore. She also isnt’t doing much of anything, isn’t married yet and lots of our friends aren’t in touch with her anymore. I guess you could say she peaked? Because now men our age want women that are marriage material, not just looks. 

When your older you get to a place where you realize that men aren’t looking for the girl to just bang anymore, that evens the playing field more than you might think. And im not trying to put down people who are good looking, just trying to point out that looks might get a girl in the door with more guys when younger, but once your a bit older people get smarter and just having looks isn’t going to cut it anymore. 

I felt the same way about cool kids in high school. College happened and guess what? The world opened up so wide everyone could tell that those kids weren’t cool at all. Getting older has its drawbacks, but one thing it does do is clear out a bunch of garbage we thought was important lol. 

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