(Closed) Always talk through problems, and enter your marriage with full commitment. :(

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Woah, poor John…

I think sometimes people are so focused on the wedding that they don’t think about the actual marriage. Very sad ๐Ÿ™

Post # 4
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I feel so bad for your FI’s cousin. Maybe she is will come around and try couples counseling but it sounds like she is done. I’m sure there are other issues going on that “John” did not mention. Like you said it was all one sided. Who knows maybe she tried talking to him about things and he just didn’t realize it. I hope things get better for him soon.

Post # 5
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Its really sad but a reality for many couples. I will honour our marriage everyday.

Many people dont know about the five love languages or that communication is the 90% reason why couples split, they dont talk about their feelingsa, expections or fears. I really hope ‘John and ‘Jane’ work things out. We did a premarrital class earlier this year and we had to write a letter to each other, not just a love letter but telling each other our vunderabilites, expections and fears, it was hard, I got teary while writing mine but so glad we did. I found out some things about him in his letter that I never knew, and it forced me to share some things I had been too nervous to bring up.

Post # 6
2755 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@mexicanabeibi: I agree. That’s one reason why I’m actually glad we’re having a long engagement – nothing is being rushed, so I know that it’s happening for the right reasons.

Poor John, indeed. I hope that he gets an explination, I really do.

Post # 7
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Thats really sad.. Its always surprising to me when people divorce or leave eachother so soon after the wedding..   Sounds like they had poor communication and she just bottled up all her feelings inside until she just couldn’t take it. Thanks for sharing, it’s a good reminder and hoping the best for them.

Post # 8
4594 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I think this is a lesson for us all.  So many people rush into these things without discussing the future beyond the wedding.

I’m sorry to hear that about your FIs cousin. I hope you have a lovely marriage.

Post # 9
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

this sounds alot like my FI’s cousin (let’s call him John, as well.) and his (ex?) wife. They were together for around 7 years and got married in May. In September she told him that she wasn’t happy and moved in with her friends. She went to court for the divorce on Monday, I think.  John is completely devestated.

I’d like to say I didn’t see it coming, but I did. John’s wife put her friends and partying in front of everything, and it seemed like she was only using John for his money. They had been together since they were 14 and never had the chance to see what (or who) else is out there. When the wedding rolled around in May I could tell she was more interested in the show of the wedding than the marriage. I hoped I was wrong, but unfortunately I wasn’t.

So as OP said, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure a marriage is what you want and not just a wedding. Things aren’t going to always be easy, but when you make such a huge commitment to someone you need to stand by that commitment. If you’re not ready or don’t think it’s the right thing to do, DON’T do it.

Post # 11
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I understand he’s hurting, but you should take his advice with a grain of salt. It’s what happened to him in his relationship, it has nothing to do with you and your Fiance. It sounds like a perfect example of a girl who just wanted a wedding, then once they were married well.. they were married. So she wanted out.

No one is immune to breakups, divorce or problems in a marriage. But every situation is different, so you shouldn’t let one bad situation upset you too much. Help your cousin with his healing process and keep planning your wedding!

Post # 13
5091 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Oh my God, I feel so bad for your FI’s cousin.  ๐Ÿ™  This is awful.  Thank you for the reminder.

Post # 14
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

What a sad story. You never think that the abundance of joy you see on a couple’s wedding day can turn into the sadness that it does sometimes.

Post # 15
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If John is interested he should look into an annulment. When a marriage fails in a matter of months it is likely it wasn’t a valid marriage in the eyes of the church (it sounds like she didn’t have a full understanding of what she was getting in to, and both parties have to “get it” for the marriage to be binding for life).

It doesn’t mean anybody did anything wrong. Just that she wasn’t emotionally mature enough to say “no I don’t want this” before the wedding.

If she wasn’t mature enough to say no then she wasn’t mature enough for her yes to truly mean yes.

Just a suggestion. He deserves a chance to move on with his life.


Post # 16
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

That is heartbreaking!

The topic ‘Always talk through problems, and enter your marriage with full commitment. :(’ is closed to new replies.

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