Am I a b#$*^ for not wanting to cook for my own shower?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3444 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Yes, please tell her. You should not be expected to cook for a group of people at your own shower while feeling exhausted. I’d rather not have a shower at all. Let her know you appreciate the effort but seriously don’t have the energy or desire to cook for an event thats supposed to be hosted by others and put together for you. FWIW tacos and guac sounds awesome! 🤗 Good luck, I can see my mom getting in one of her moods over something like this and muttering about how ungrateful I am no matter how respectful I was during the conversation. 

Post # 3
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

I don’t think you’re a bitch for not wanting to cook at your own shower. That sounds terrible really.

Post # 4
Member
2707 posts
Sugar bee

That makes me tired just thinking about it! Sounds a bit like your aunties wanted to attend your shower more than host it. Tell them that you would love to have a get together, but that you want to focus what little energy you have on spending time with them. After flying in and then cooking all day, i know that I personally would end up just wanting to crash on the couch and stare into space rather than visit with everyone you’ve come so far to see. Tacos and guac sounds like a great idea!  

Post # 5
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Nope there is no way you need to cook for your own shower you’ve just flown out to attend. Buy something (yum guac!) and relax on that couch 

Post # 6
Member
24 posts
Newbee

Errr, I wouldn’t want to cook for a bunch of people during my shower either. A shower for the bride is supposed to held in your honor, meaning you don’t usually have to do the work yourself. I’d definitely go with ordering a few trays of food. You should be able to relax for your own party!

Post # 7
Member
1996 posts
Buzzing bee

I see why you feel like this. Is money an issue? Is that why it was originally potluck, then at restaurant, then cancelled and now being hosted by your mom? 

It sounds like your mom wasn’t planning to host in the first place and is now hosting to save the day. I think it’s a little shitty to just make her cook everything on her own. If it’s within budget to cater it in, I think that is acceptable to suggest. But if that’s out of budget for your mom, I think the nice thing to do would be to pitch in and help out. Try to work with her and make the menu as little work as possible, but I wouldn’t make my mom cook for my whole shower by herself. Especially if she is stepping in at the last minute to host. 

Post # 8
Member
663 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
shortbread654 :  it sounds like there’s a financial issue going on that is causing the cooking request. I would feel bad saying no and would Diet Coke myself until I had energy to help lol. Why don’t you just offer to pay for a caterer or a restaurant from the Mexican place you like?

Post # 9
Member
5397 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
shortbread654 :  If she’s saving the day so to speak I wouldn’t let her cook alone. But also having been in the state of feeling so tired I need to sleep for a month straight, I know energy is in short supply. Why don’t you call the local place and ask how much it costs for guac and tacos for x amount of people. 

Next it’s all in how you word it. Thank you so much for hosting mom, I’m so touched. Now I’ll need to freshen up (day of arrival) I was thinking that X Taco Place would be perfect and then you and I can relax and spend time together before the shower. 

That should go over better than “I don’t want to help.” Plus it shows your appreciation for her. 

Post # 10
Member
7837 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would probably offer to pay for the tacos. It sounds like your mom hadnt really planned on hosting (aka paying), so cooking could be to save money. You arent supposed to host your own shower, but I’d probably say something like “Mom, I love you and Im so happy youre hosting this, but I will not have the energy to cook for it. How about I buy us some tacos from TacoPlace so we can just relax and spend the day together?”

Post # 11
Member
4997 posts
Honey bee

Oh hell no.  I’m old enough now that I have no problems throwing money at a problem and not stressing myself out last minute.  While technically a bride should not be involved in the planning, at this point the deed is done, people are invited, and if it’s the choice between my friends and family eating nothing or whatever odds and ends could get cooked up last minute and stressing myself doing it or breaking standard etiquette just throwing down some cash myself for a party sub or deli platters or takeout – I’m paying someone else to make my food. 

Post # 12
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I vote tacos and guac. And margaritas.

Post # 13
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

I 100% would help my mum cook.

as tired as I am, I couldn’t imagine sitting and putting my feet up while she slaved away cooking and getting the house ready for my shower.

Post # 14
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think it’s a big deal to tell her you don’t want to cook while you’re so exhausted, but I would make sure to tell her nicely since she is now going out of her way to help throw it for you! Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
shortbread654 :  I would cancel the entire thing. Rest, relax, recover and just chill out. Enjoy your mom while you’re in town. Go to a spa – now, that’s money well-spent.

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