Post # 1
Hi ladies (and gents), there has been a lot of drama surrounding my wedding, and now my shower as well. I don’t live in the same state as my mom and all of our close family friends. When a few of my “aunties” decided to hold a shower for me I said I was touched and bought the $200 plane ticket to fly out, coming in early on Friday and leaving at the crack of dawn on Sunday.
Because of unforeseen events, the shower went from being a potluck to being at a restaurant to being canceled and then uncanceled and now it’s at my parents’ house with my mom ending up as one of the hosts. She wants to cook all the food and is expecting me to help when I get into town the day before my shower.
Here’s the thing: I’m frigging exhausted. My work schedule has been insane, planning this wedding has been insane, there’s been loads of drama with my family and my fiance and I both have had medical troubles this entire past year since we’ve been engaged. I just want to lie on a couch for a decade. I was really hoping my shower would be the one thing that was no hassle (seeing as I’m pretty much just supposed to be a guest) but it’s become a HUGE headache and now I’m apparently even supposed to cook for a bunch of people now the day I fly in.
My question: am I a bitch if I tell my mom no, I really don’t want to cook for my shower? I’d honestly much rather we get some trays of tacos/guacamole from the local hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint and have a casual lunch. Is it ok to tell her this?
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
Yes, please tell her. You should not be expected to cook for a group of people at your own shower while feeling exhausted. I’d rather not have a shower at all. Let her know you appreciate the effort but seriously don’t have the energy or desire to cook for an event thats supposed to be hosted by others and put together for you. FWIW tacos and guac sounds awesome! 🤗 Good luck, I can see my mom getting in one of her moods over something like this and muttering about how ungrateful I am no matter how respectful I was during the conversation.
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re a bitch for not wanting to cook at your own shower. That sounds terrible really.
Post # 4
That makes me tired just thinking about it! Sounds a bit like your aunties wanted to attend your shower more than host it. Tell them that you would love to have a get together, but that you want to focus what little energy you have on spending time with them. After flying in and then cooking all day, i know that I personally would end up just wanting to crash on the couch and stare into space rather than visit with everyone you’ve come so far to see. Tacos and guac sounds like a great idea!
Post # 5
Nope there is no way you need to cook for your own shower you’ve just flown out to attend. Buy something (yum guac!) and relax on that couch
Post # 6
Errr, I wouldn’t want to cook for a bunch of people during my shower either. A shower for the bride is supposed to held in your honor, meaning you don’t usually have to do the work yourself. I’d definitely go with ordering a few trays of food. You should be able to relax for your own party!
Post # 7
I see why you feel like this. Is money an issue? Is that why it was originally potluck, then at restaurant, then cancelled and now being hosted by your mom?
It sounds like your mom wasn’t planning to host in the first place and is now hosting to save the day. I think it’s a little shitty to just make her cook everything on her own. If it’s within budget to cater it in, I think that is acceptable to suggest. But if that’s out of budget for your mom, I think the nice thing to do would be to pitch in and help out. Try to work with her and make the menu as little work as possible, but I wouldn’t make my mom cook for my whole shower by herself. Especially if she is stepping in at the last minute to host.
Post # 8
it sounds like there’s a financial issue going on that is causing the cooking request. I would feel bad saying no and would Diet Coke myself until I had energy to help lol. Why don’t you just offer to pay for a caterer or a restaurant from the Mexican place you like?
Post # 9
If she’s saving the day so to speak I wouldn’t let her cook alone. But also having been in the state of feeling so tired I need to sleep for a month straight, I know energy is in short supply. Why don’t you call the local place and ask how much it costs for guac and tacos for x amount of people.
Next it’s all in how you word it. Thank you so much for hosting mom, I’m so touched. Now I’ll need to freshen up (day of arrival) I was thinking that X Taco Place would be perfect and then you and I can relax and spend time together before the shower.
That should go over better than “I don’t want to help.” Plus it shows your appreciation for her.
Post # 10
I would probably offer to pay for the tacos. It sounds like your mom hadnt really planned on hosting (aka paying), so cooking could be to save money. You arent supposed to host your own shower, but I’d probably say something like “Mom, I love you and Im so happy youre hosting this, but I will not have the energy to cook for it. How about I buy us some tacos from TacoPlace so we can just relax and spend the day together?”
Post # 11
Oh hell no. I’m old enough now that I have no problems throwing money at a problem and not stressing myself out last minute. While technically a bride should not be involved in the planning, at this point the deed is done, people are invited, and if it’s the choice between my friends and family eating nothing or whatever odds and ends could get cooked up last minute and stressing myself doing it or breaking standard etiquette just throwing down some cash myself for a party sub or deli platters or takeout – I’m paying someone else to make my food.
Post # 12
I vote tacos and guac. And margaritas.
Post # 13
I 100% would help my mum cook.
as tired as I am, I couldn’t imagine sitting and putting my feet up while she slaved away cooking and getting the house ready for my shower.
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s a big deal to tell her you don’t want to cook while you’re so exhausted, but I would make sure to tell her nicely since she is now going out of her way to help throw it for you! Good luck!
Post # 15
I would cancel the entire thing. Rest, relax, recover and just chill out. Enjoy your mom while you’re in town. Go to a spa – now, that’s money well-spent.