(Closed) Am I a bad bridesmaid?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
6887 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You should have kept quiet. It is not your place.  If the bride loves her dress and the BM’s dresses really that is all that matters. 

Post # 4
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@Sassygrn:  but the bride asked her opinion…

Post # 5
6739 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Hrm, I don’t think you’re a bad bridesmaid.  I think if she asked your opinion originally, you should have said something like, “I’m not sure they will look good together because our dresses will be so much poofier than yours.  Maybe we can try them on together and stand next to each other to visualize it or google imagines of other brides in fitted dresses and poofy bridesmaid dresses?” 

Honestly, it’s a huge mistake to go buy bm dresses before your own wedding dress, I’m surprised she did it.  Lot’s of brides end up in something completely different from what they envisioned.

What’s done is done – you already told your brother.  I think that’s the best you could do now and there’s really no going back anyway.  But, either way, I don’t think you did a terrible thing.  Personally, if I already said something once and she didn’t ask for my opinion again, I would have kept quiet.

Post # 6
6739 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Kit_Kat_01:  Also, you could use David’s Bridal’s “dress your wedding” tool (just google it) and see if you can find similar styles and piece them together to see how the wedding party will look. 

Post # 7
7639 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

So long as it’s done in a polite way (i.e. “I’ll go along with whatever you say but this is my opinion” – which is exactly what you did), then I think it is the right thing to do. The bride has asked “several times” which to me means she’s having doubts herself. That’s part of what a true friend does: gives an honest opinion. I also like how you’ve gone to your brother first since you’re closer to him.

Post # 8
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think it was good that you went to your brother instead of her with your concerns.

Since she already asked you if you were happy with the dress and you said yes, she might not want to hear about it now.  

I know once I’ve made a decision for the wedding and it’s too late to change it, the last thing I was to hear is cirticism.  I’ll welcome it before anything is set in stone, but unfortunately it kind of sounds like the whole dress situation is a done deal.

I think, right now, you need to just grit your teeth, smile, and reassure her that her choices are the right ones.  This is her wedding so more than likely, she’s more concerned with each of these elements than you are.  She’s probably questioned all of her choices up to this point a million times.

For now, just keep telling her, “I’m perfectly happy to wear the dress, or to switch to a new one depending on what you want.”

Post # 9
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you’ve done the right thing. It’s not like you were disgustingly rude to the bride about it, I think you’ve handled the situation decently enough by allowing your bro to take care of it. He may not say anything, which is the end of the story. You and he knows her best and how she would respond so its not really the place of a stranger to judge how to handle the situation without knowing what the bride is like. I’m fairly easy going & was throughout the planning stages so would welcome the comment, other brides get totally stressed and would have an annurism.

In saying that though, I actually think the poofy dress contrast might actually look really nice. The bride sure will stand out from her maids. I’m gona go see if I can find a picture. The bride may also think it will look great and completely disagree with your opinion.

Post # 10
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it sounds fine – I’m constantly hassling my bridespeople for their opinions on wedding matters, and I love it when they say what they genuinely feel. I don’t want the generic “It’s your wedding, do what you want!” if secretly they’re thinking “Oh god, please don’t make us wear that/serve that food/do the chicken dance” or whatever.

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