Post # 1
So my brother is getting married this summer and I’m one of the bridesmaids. The bride picked out the bridesmaids dresses and though it is not may style or color I sucked it up and bought it saying that it will look great. However, she bought her actual wedding dress after we had bought the bridesmaids dresses and her wedding dress ended up being quite different than what she originally had in mind. I LOVE her wedding dress. It is gorgeous. It is fairly fitted and all lace. However, the bridesmaids dress is a tiered organze ball gown. To me they don’t match, I can’t recogcole them together. She asked me several times after everything was bought how I like everything and I lied and said that everything was good, not wanting to rock the boat.
However, while shopping with a friend for her wedding I was stuck again by how much the two dresses didn’t go together and over the past couple weeks got to the point where I had to say something. SO I contacted my brother for his opinion, not wanting to say anything to the bride unless he thinks it’s something she would want to know. If she has not or does not have the concerns I’ve been having and loves the dress combination, I am perfectly fine with wearing the dress, but I just haven’t been able to get this out of my head. I had thought about this for at least a week before I contacted my brother and I felt really at peace with the idea of asking his opinion. But now that I have, I’m starting to doubt what I did and feel guilty. Should I have kept my mouth shut? My brother said he would think it over and maybe contact the other bridesmaids to see if they’ve done any alteration to their dresses (if they have there could be no exchangeing of the dresses anyway) I don’t know the other bridesmaids and neither have seen the bride’s dress in person like I did so I couldn’t ask their opinion.
So the question is, am I a bad bridesmaid? Should I have just kept my mouth shut or gone about bring up my concerns in a different way (i.e. saying the truth when ask)?
Post # 3
You should have kept quiet. It is not your place. If the bride loves her dress and the BM’s dresses really that is all that matters.
Post # 4
@Sassygrn: but the bride asked her opinion…
Post # 5
Hrm, I don’t think you’re a bad bridesmaid. I think if she asked your opinion originally, you should have said something like, “I’m not sure they will look good together because our dresses will be so much poofier than yours. Maybe we can try them on together and stand next to each other to visualize it or google imagines of other brides in fitted dresses and poofy bridesmaid dresses?”
Honestly, it’s a huge mistake to go buy bm dresses before your own wedding dress, I’m surprised she did it. Lot’s of brides end up in something completely different from what they envisioned.
What’s done is done – you already told your brother. I think that’s the best you could do now and there’s really no going back anyway. But, either way, I don’t think you did a terrible thing. Personally, if I already said something once and she didn’t ask for my opinion again, I would have kept quiet.
Post # 6
@Kit_Kat_01: Also, you could use David’s Bridal’s “dress your wedding” tool (just google it) and see if you can find similar styles and piece them together to see how the wedding party will look.
Post # 7
So long as it’s done in a polite way (i.e. “I’ll go along with whatever you say but this is my opinion” – which is exactly what you did), then I think it is the right thing to do. The bride has asked “several times” which to me means she’s having doubts herself. That’s part of what a true friend does: gives an honest opinion. I also like how you’ve gone to your brother first since you’re closer to him.
Post # 8
I think it was good that you went to your brother instead of her with your concerns.
Since she already asked you if you were happy with the dress and you said yes, she might not want to hear about it now.
I know once I’ve made a decision for the wedding and it’s too late to change it, the last thing I was to hear is cirticism. I’ll welcome it before anything is set in stone, but unfortunately it kind of sounds like the whole dress situation is a done deal.
I think, right now, you need to just grit your teeth, smile, and reassure her that her choices are the right ones. This is her wedding so more than likely, she’s more concerned with each of these elements than you are. She’s probably questioned all of her choices up to this point a million times.
For now, just keep telling her, “I’m perfectly happy to wear the dress, or to switch to a new one depending on what you want.”
Post # 9
I think you’ve done the right thing. It’s not like you were disgustingly rude to the bride about it, I think you’ve handled the situation decently enough by allowing your bro to take care of it. He may not say anything, which is the end of the story. You and he knows her best and how she would respond so its not really the place of a stranger to judge how to handle the situation without knowing what the bride is like. I’m fairly easy going & was throughout the planning stages so would welcome the comment, other brides get totally stressed and would have an annurism.
In saying that though, I actually think the poofy dress contrast might actually look really nice. The bride sure will stand out from her maids. I’m gona go see if I can find a picture. The bride may also think it will look great and completely disagree with your opinion.
Post # 10
I think it sounds fine – I’m constantly hassling my bridespeople for their opinions on wedding matters, and I love it when they say what they genuinely feel. I don’t want the generic “It’s your wedding, do what you want!” if secretly they’re thinking “Oh god, please don’t make us wear that/serve that food/do the chicken dance” or whatever.