(Closed) Am I a bad friend?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

A little bit, if you had planned to attend the shower, and flaked out on it for the tickets, then yeah it’s bit of a burn.  I hope you intend to make it up to her somehow.

Post # 49
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@RunsWithBears:  The OP said it wasn’t really a gift giving party, so in my mind this was not a planned out gift. The giver gave her tickets the day before a game…seems like if he really wanted her to go he would have given them much sooner. Don’t think it is rude to the gift giver to not use them because he didn’t plan it out. In my head if someone gave me tickets to a game the day before I would think it was just because they couldn’t use them, not that they necessarily wanted me to have them.

Post # 51
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@peanuthead:  yeah she was such a great friend, she is not even in her wedding party…

Post # 52
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

OK, a lot of debate on this one, but it’s pretty clear the OP is in the wrong. My reasons:

1. Receiving tickets as a present for an event the next day is really weird. My guess is that the giver had the tickets in hand for some reason, couldn’t make the game, and thought, “hey why not give them to so and so for their engagement party I have nothing else to give them”. It is presumptuous to ASSUME that they would be able to attend the next day. Hey, great if they can, but I can’t imagine the giver of these tickets would be OFFENDED to find out the OP had a previous committment.  It is incredibly dumb to give next day tickets for any type of event as an engagement gift. Either the givers are clueless or these tix were regifted.

2. It would have been completely FINE to tell the gift-givers that their gift was very generous and that while you wish you could attend, you have a pre-existing committment since they gave you ZERO notice. It would be also be completely FINE if the OP’s Fiance took a friend to the game. Yes, it was a gift intended for both of them, but they were for the next day. They are lucky either of them were able to make it considering the tickets were given with no notice.

3. It doesn’t matter that the OP is not in the bridal party (or kicked out after this whole thing, whatever). Irrelevant. She is a friend who is important enough that OP asked her to be her Maid/Matron of Honor.

3. When you RSVP for an event, you should attend unless their is an emergency. Baseball tickets which fall into your lap at the last minute is not an emergency, no matter how expensive they are, and no matter how much you would rather go to the baseball game than attend the event you RSVP’d for. Getting sick is an emergency. Having to take care of a sick child is an emergency, etc.

4. It’s irrelevant if she’s not spending a lot of money per head.  You RSVP’d.

5. It’s irrelevant that the Maid/Matron of Honor was flaky in the past.  That doesn’t mean you should be flaky in return.

The OP’s actions told the Maid/Matron of Honor that the OP thought the baseball game was more important than the shower. Period. Not cool.

I do think the Maid/Matron of Honor is overreacting though by not speaking to you. Very dramatic and high school like behavior.

Post # 54
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@Cryssieshine:  

 

Ohhh okay good.  That makes more sense that she didn’t just give them to you not knowing if you could go.  

 

Post # 55
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

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@Cryssieshine:  Is there a reason she needs to get her dress so super-early?  I didn’t order the dress for my sister’s wedding until like 4 months out.

As for your poll, I would just never give someone a ticket gift that I wasn’t a billion percent sure they could use.  And I’ve always been taught not to skip something you previously committed to in order to do something “better.”

ETA: I also kind of had the feeling from the start that the tickets were kind of a regift or something the giver could not use.  Because why four tickets if it was for you and your FI?  Who else did you take?  Why the next day, etc?

Post # 56
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think what you did is pretty rude and hurtful. If I were your Maid/Matron of Honor I would be pretty mad at you too. And I can understand why they aren’t even speakign to you – it’s not really something you can ‘work out’ because you can’t go back in time and attend the shower and by choosing the game over her shower you basically told her that she’s not important to you. It’s kind of like a slap in the face.

The success of a shower or any wedding event is totally dependant on people showing up. As a bride you learn who your true friends are by who actually makes it there because let’s be honest we all have better things we could be doing.

If I were you I would be a little annoyed at the person who gave me those tickets. It wasn’t a very thoughtful gift at all and ended up costing you a friend!

Post # 57
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@Cryssieshine:  People are giving their opinions, which is what you had asked for.

I think it was very wrong to not attend due to last minute tix to a baseball game. I find it rude. Unless there is an emergency, illness, etc. I think it is rude not to attend a function once you said you would come.

Post # 58
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I definitely would have gone to the game.  It’s not like you missed her wedding or are in her wedding party.

Post # 59
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

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@RunsWithBears:  It’s not like someone came up to her and said, “Hey, I have some extra tickets, do you want to go?” and she took the tickets.  She was given a generous gift worth hundreds of dollars for an event that the gift giver intended both her and her Fiance to attend.

Hmm…she was given FOUR tickets for a game that was the NEXT DAY.  To me, that sounds like the people who gave her the tickets had tickets they couldn’t use, not that they went out and spent $500 so the OP (and two friends they don’t know???) could go to a last-minute game.  I mean, who spends that kind of money on tickets they aren’t sure the recipient will be able to use?!

Post # 60
Member
47436 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@Cryssieshine:  You are getting objective answers. None of us has any vested interest in this situation. Just because I don’t agree with what you did, doesn’t make my response any less objective.

If you’ve had enough responses, you can always ask a mod to close the topic. Post a request in the Support section- upper left of the boards.

Post # 61
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Miss Apricot:  Maybe, but the OP said that the gift giver checked with her dad, so I’m led to believe that wasn’t the case.  I guess the difference in that statement is that if someone asks, she can turn down the tickets.  But since they werre a gift, it’s hard if not rude, to turn down a gift.

The topic ‘Am I a bad friend?’ is closed to new replies.

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