(Closed) Am I a bad friend? (long)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1938 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You are NOT a bad friend. Your friend is putting you in a VERY awkward situation by asking this of you! Don’t feel bad for telling her no! 


Post # 4
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@JaneyJane:  You aren’t a bad friend. That is too big a favor to ask of ANYONE. What is she planning on doing with her kids while her & her Boyfriend or Best Friend crash on somebody’s couch? I mean… that just isn’t responsible at all. You gave her the best advice- she needs to be gracious to her mother and save up to move out. If she can’t afford to move out with her boyfriend while living with her mom, she’s not going to be able to afford it while living with you either!

Post # 5
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@JaneyJane:  You should NOT feel guilty about telling your friend to be an adult. She needs to grow up and get along with her mom if that’s where the rent is free and all she can afford, not bum off her other friends so that she can shack up with her boyfriend! And if it upset her, sometimes the truth hurts but that’s life!

Post # 6
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@JaneyJane:  Yeah, you did what I would have done.  Being a good friend does not include sacrificing your home, space and peace of mind because your friend can’t get it together.  And unless she learns how to stand on her own now, she’ll be making phone calls similar to this one for many years to come….whenever I get a call like this I always replby with, “I’m so sorry to hear you’re having a difficult time, I’m always here if you need to talk but I am confident you will figure this all out.”

Post # 7
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Did you give her the option of staying with you if it is just her?

Post # 8
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You’re not being a bad friend and it is 100% within your right to say no. She is a grown woman — she needs to get her shit together and get a home of her own. No way would I want to enable her into being able to prolong that any longer, especially if she has her own children.

There is also absolutely NO way I would let a man I had never met before (who also doesn’t have his shit togetehr enough to live on his own as an adult) into my home.

This isn’t meant to sound judgmental — it’s just a fact that being unable to live on your own as an adult, especially if you’ve chosen to have children, leads to many problems. Taking on someone in this situation (or TWO someones) into your own also leads to many problems. Getting on her feet is the priority here, not finding a way to live with her boyfriend. I would help her find a job, not move her in to my marital home.

Post # 9
3226 posts
Sugar bee

No. I would never EVER have a random stranger live with me. It’s rude o her to ask.

Post # 10
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You are NOT a bad friend! That is WAY too much to ask someone!

Post # 11
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You did the right thing.

Post # 12
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

She wants to move in to your house with her boyfriend and no financial plan? Eff that. Being a friend does NOT extend to having a random dude living with you because your friend asked you to. Your friend really needs to grow up. I know it’s tough to say no, but think of it as that if you don’t enable her, you’re helping her learn how to be a responsible adult.

Post # 14
314 posts
Helper bee

HELL NO. She decided to make HIM HER RESPONSIBILITY then let her. I have a neice that just pulled this on my sis and robbed her own Aunt, my sister, after my sis let her and her boyfriend live with her. True story. My sis and I just hung up because she’s getting a security system installed thanks to them. 

Don’t let her do this. She wants to house him and take care of him and all that’s going to do is bring her down. Let her find this one out herself. 

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