Post # 1
Hi fellow pregnant bees. I am writing this in hopes that some of you feel like me and can reassure me that I’m not going to be a terrible mom!
I am 19 weeks and my pregnancy so far has been a breeze. I honestly have nothing to complain about. I don’t dislike being pregnant but I don’t necessarily like it either. I guess I feel kind of indifferent. Kind of like it’s just a means to an end that I could take or leave. I do feel like the time is kind of dragging on, I can’t believe I am not even quite half way! This making a baby thing takes FOREVER!
While I am of course very happy to be having a baby after actively TTC for several months, I don’t feel very attached to my baby at this point. I can feel it move now and sure, it’s kind of cool, but I’m not exactly giddy with excitement. I’m proud and happy to see the baby when we have ultrasounds, but I still feel kind of detached from the whole thing (stange because it’s growing in my body, right?).
I have a friend who is 6 months pregnant and she is absolutely gaga over her little girl. She tells me that she talks to her daughter all the time and that her baby is so perfect and she loves her soooooo much. I feel guilty that I just don’t feel that way. It’s kind of surreal still I guess, and I feel like maybe I’m not as excited as I should be? Like I should be head over heals in love with this baby already….But I’m just not.
Anyone else feel this way or am I some sort of heartless future mom?
Post # 3
I’m not pregnant, but I would have to say with 100% certainty that you are not a bad future mom:) Every woman experiences pregnancy differently and the fact that you’re not “gaga” over the pregnancy means only that you’re not there YET! I’ve followed your posts/responses on WB for the last little while and you’ll be a great mom- you always give other bees amazing advice:)
One thought- after the MC, do you think you might be (even unconsciously) guarding yourself from becoming too emotionally attached? Just a thought.
Post # 4
I’m not pregnant, but I have to say that all women are different. The moment you hold your baby in your arms, it will all change 🙂
Post # 5
I will likely be the same way. Although I am very excited to have a baby someday, I am just not a super emotional person.
Post # 6
I’m not pregnant either and likely will never be, but from what I understand from reading things or hearing friends talk, what you’re experiencing is pretty normal!! Sometimes it’s hard to attach yourself or feel a certain way about something that isn’t exactly “real” to you yet. Like a PP said, it will be different when you’re holding the baby you waited 9 long months for!
Post # 7
I was the same exact way. I liked being pregnant, but really I just felt like me in a different shaped body. I didn’t feel any love or attachment… the whole thing felt so abstract. It really IS abstract when you think about it. You are ” supposed” to love and adore this person you have never met. Honestly even after he was born it took me a good 2 days to really have that Ah ha moment. Like ” Oh, here is this baby that was meant for me” I felt so guilty that I didn’t feel the instant love everyone talks about, but ya know what? Not everyone does. By nature I am slow to warm to people and things so it was silly for me to build this big thing up in my mind when it just wasn’t my nature. Take things at your own pace, it will unfold how it is meant to be. My son is the LOVE of my life so clearly my lack of being gaga early on changed oh so quickly 🙂
Post # 8
I was like that when I was pregnant it didn’t quite feel real until I really started getting a huge baby bump. FI really helped he always spoke to the baby and the baby started to kick a lot more it started to feel more real. After he was born I had an overwhelming feeling like my life was over I feel terrible about it but after a few hours everything started to feel real and the way it was supposed to be.
Post # 9
Its a processs and different people react differently.. some people to dont feel connected to the baby at all until he/she is born.. just give yourself time
Post # 10
I am 15 weeks and it still feels surreal. I am attached to my baby but not in a talk to my tummy kind of way. More in the “if something were to happen I would be absolutely crushed” kind of way. The ultra sounds are really cool and I totally am amazed that there is a little being inside me but at the same time it doesn’t always feel “real”. It is a very different state of being.
It doesn’t mean you are going to be a bad mom, some of us just need to see it to believe it. Maybe once your little one is bigger and you are feeling it a lot more then you might get a little excited and if not then whatever. I am sure when that baby comes you will be over the moon. I have lots of friends who didn’t enjoy being pregnant. They liked the out come but the 9 months before they just weren’t a big fan of lol.
Post # 11
I don’t think you are a bad future mom at all! I am so sick and tired that I feel miserable with everything surrrounding my pregnancy and while I’m thrilled to be expecting, I am no where near as excited as Darling Husband is. He is constantly asking me when I’m going to get excited. I got an email the other day from parenting magazine with daily pregnancy tips and it was saying how I should be bonding with my baby. I felt like a bad mom just to be reading it because I haven’t bonded and feel like I am just going through the motions.
Post # 12
@chastenet: Do I even need to respond to this? lol. You know I’m right there with you! I just want it to be OVER and I’m exactly 19 weeks today too. I can’t believe I’m not even halfway. I love my little girl, but seriously, I’m so so tired and I hate this.
I thought you were team green, but do you think it would help you become more attached if you found out the gender? For me, it helped A LITTLE when Darling Husband and I were finally able to start calling her by the name we picked out.
Post # 13
Aw, don’t feel bad. I’m 39 and a half weeks, due any day now and other than telling him to “get out!” multiple times a day, he still just kind of feels like this alien living inside me beating the hell out of my insides every day to me. I can’t wait until he’s born, but I’d be lying if I said I was madly in love with him already. Maybe it’s because the whole idea of another human inside me is still pretty surreal, who knows?
It takes some women a little longer than others to forge that bond with their children. That doesn’t make them bad mothers. Cut yourself some slack, you’re going to be ok.
Post # 14
@chastenet: I was the same! I was ok with being pregnant, didn’t love it, didn’t hate it. I was very excited when I found out I was pregnant, for sure, but I never felt that attached to the baby. I knew women who said they felt like mothers from the day they found out they were pregnant. Not me. I felt protective of the baby, but I wouldn’t say I felt love towards the baby while pregnant. Everyone is different.
I also knew women who said the moment they laid eyes on their babies after birth they were in love. I know fewer women who will admit that they didn’t feel this way, and that the love was a feeling that grew over the first few months. The thing is – its the ones who have that instant bond, instant love that talk about it all the time while the rest of us stay quite for fear that we are “bad” mothers because we don’t feel the same way. I think I felt love for him after birth, and I remember being so happy he had arrived – but I think my love was less of that overwhelming instant stuff and more a love that started a birth and has just continued to grow and grow.
Whether it is during pregnancy, at birth, or sometime the months that follow, I am sure you will eventually fall completely in love with this little person you are making 🙂 I love my son so completely and I also love spending time with him.
Post # 15
I’m at 21 weeks and have just started to get excited. Pregnancy has not been fun for me and honestly, I just want my baby at this point. lol. But what has started getting me excited is finding out that it’s a little girl and just yesterday at an ultrasound, they gave me a 3D picture. She is just 15oz but I could see her face – her nose, mouth, chin, etc. It changed everything for me. I am also feeling her move more and we are beginning the process of registering and picking out things so it’s becoming a bit more real and fun. But honestly, seeing her face changed something in me because I too was feeling like something was wrong with me because I wasn’t feeling how I thought I was supposed to. It could come, or it might not, and if it doesn’t that won’t change how excited and connected you will be to your actual baby. Glad you’re having a good pregnancy. 🙂
Post # 16
@chastenet: I was there. And it didn’t really get better until I hit 24-26 weeks. I thought my 20 week u/s would somehow make me feel more “connected” and when I didn’t I had a bit of a breakdown. After lots of tears and 2 therapist visits, I’m feeling much better. So, don’t worry if you don’t feel connected right now. You might later. And even if you don’t, I don’t think it will be strange because really, it’s a little weird thinking that you’re growing a HUMAN inside your BELLY.