(Closed) Am I a bad person?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 5
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

No problem, there are plenty of us who have the same feelings. You are definitely not alone!!

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Plenty of people don’t want children. I’m about to have 2 kids, my best friend in the entire world never wants any. It’s never come between us because I totally get her personality and why she feels the way she does. She wants to travel and have a big career that I never really wanted. She’s not a bad person, but she mentions sometimes feeling “defective” because she doesn’t want children. I think she’d be a much worse person having a baby she didn’t want and would probably resent because she felt some sort of pressure to have a baby because she thought she was supposed to.

My aunt doesn’t have kids either, and neither do my uncles. When I bring my daughter to their houses they always say “I love the visits, but I could never do this every day. I like sleep and quiet time to read. I like being able to get in the car and go out to lunch if I feel like it.” I can definitely see the appeal in that too haha!

Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can;t wait to have kids. But thats me. I respect people who know they do not want kids. I respect them a hell of a lot more than those who have them because its the “next step” and then the kids are not taken care of properly. So no you are not a bad person and I have so much respect for you to know yourself enough to know the answer to this.

Post # 8
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t think I want kids.  I’ve never had baby fever.  I want to travel and have time to myself and enjoy my husband.  I don’t know…we will see what the future brings.

Post # 9
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Not at all! I feel kind of “Meh” whenever yet another person in my life announces that they’re TTC or pregnant, because I can’t relate to it at all. At the same time, it’s frustrating, because sometimes it can feel very overwhelming–like having babies is the ONLY important thing in the world. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed/depressed/disappointed by that, I remind myself of all the things Darling Husband and I are going to do instead of having a baby, and the bad feelings tend to go away.

While we’d like to adopt one child at some point, the whole parenting thing is not for us right now, and we have no interest in having biological kids. I totally get how you feel. It can be extremely awkward at times!

Post # 9
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Not at all! I feel kind of “Meh” whenever yet another person in my life announces that they’re TTC or pregnant, because I can’t relate to it at all. At the same time, it’s frustrating, because sometimes it can feel very overwhelming–like having babies is the ONLY important thing in the world. Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed/depressed/disappointed by that, I remind myself of all the things Darling Husband and I are going to do instead of having a baby, and the bad feelings tend to go away.

While we’d like to adopt one child at some point, the whole parenting thing is not for us right now, and we have no interest in having biological kids. I totally get how you feel. It can be extremely awkward at times!

Post # 10
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You are not a bad person at all. It is perfectly legitimate NOT to want kids. And, with 7 billion people on the planet, you’re probably doing us all a favor!

Post # 11
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsDrRose612: lol you sound like me… one of my bridesmaids found out the other day that she’s pregnant. It was not planned (nor wanted), but she is the type of person that will still keep the baby. It’s causing a lot of conflict for her personally as well as in her relationship with her husband, as he is more into the idea of having a child.

Her pregnancy scare practically became mine; I kept thinking “what if it had been me” and the torment it might cause my relationship with my fiance.  I couldn’t sleep at all and spent several hours crying over it.  At least now I know FOR SURE that kids are not in my future.  The feelings I felt over it really solidified what is truly within me.  It’s difficult to go against the grain of society and the expectations to have children, but you have to look within and stay strong with what you truly want for yourself.  I believe I’ll only have regrets if I don’t stick with what is right for me.  I’m not trying to talk you into one way or the other… I’m trying to push you to take some time to accept what you want for yourself and carry yourself with confidence forward in life, regardless of what you choose. Nobody can make that decision for you – after all, they already have their chance to make choices for their own lives!

Post # 12
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Not at all and don’t let anyone make you feel that way.  People that make you feel bad about your decision are the ones that are being bad.

Unfortunately society has conditioned people to believe that all women need to and want to have babies.  That’s simply not true.  There are plenty of women that don’t want kids and that’s ok.  It’s not bad or selfish, in fact, it’s much better than rushing to have one because of outside influences/expectations/pressure.

Child-free and proud 🙂

Post # 13
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Don’t feel bad. Some of us were born without maternal instincts. We have other things to offer the world. I told my fiance on our second date that I would never have kids, so if that was important to him, we should probably finish our tea and not see each other again. When people doubt that i don’t want kids, I always tell them that I didn’t like children when I was one, which is the truth, so why would I like them now. 

I also get a little sad when my friends have more kids. I don’t tell them that of course.  That is the weirdest thing about my wedding plans.  actually talking to my friends with kids and not getting board because they are talking about heir kids poop or what silly thing they did.  It has been nice to reconnect, and I am sure we will be closer once their kids are older.  I have friends who have teenage kids and they are plenty of fun! so once these little kids grow up, i will get my friends back again.  It’s also nice to call them once in a while and see if they want adult time,  they usually do on occasion.  My friends have been poping out kids for the past 7 years. sure I miss doing stuff with them as often as we used to, but I know in time, they will be back to a place in their life where they want to have adult, kid free fun.  I am 30 now, and i figure by the time I am 40 I will reconnect with my old pals again… until they are grandparents and then, who knows. 

I actually told a couple of our recently married friends that they should really stagger their child bearing so We would always have some friends to hang out with.  I was kidding of course, but they thought it was funny. 

Post # 14
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just wanted to chime in and say there is nothing wrong with it and I am hoping no one in your life makes you feel that way. I love my son, I will TTC another but people who have no kids are lucky. Oh will I ever know what disposible income is? lol! And I don’t think just because you don’t want kids means you don’t have maternal instincts. My friends who don’t want kids are great aunts and uncles. And even though I HAVE a child and wanted kids there are some people/couples who I say ” You do NOT need to raise more kids” hence I feel your dissapointment with some couples having more kids.

Post # 15
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t think it’s wrong at all not to want to have kids.  It’s just one of those things that isn’t for everyone.  

For a long time, I even thought I didn’t want them.  I have sinced changed my mind and have a bad case of Baby Fever, but it doesn’t bother me that anyone else feels they don’t want children of their own.

The topic ‘Am I a bad person?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors