(Closed) Am I a bad person…..advice?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Nope.  Not a bad person.  She just needs to be an adult.

Post # 4
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Mrs.Jansen:  It’s her fault she doesn’t have a job!  Three months is MORE than enough time for her to find a job and even save a little money!

Post # 5
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Where are her parents?

Post # 6
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Nope you are a saint to let her live there rent free and giving her 3 months is more than enough time to get a job. She needs to grow up and get a job and take care of herself!

Also congrats on the upcoming little one!

Post # 7
598 posts
Busy bee

@Mrs.Jansen:  Don’t feel guilty. You were doing her a favor by letting her live in your home for pretty much nothing. Now the time comes where you are having another child and you need to make room, therefore changes have to be made! She is 19 years old and should be out looking for a job anyway if not in school. Sacrifices have to be made. You’ve helped her out enough. She has to try and take some responsibility because you have to do what you have to do especially since you are going to be having a newborn.

Post # 8
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

QUITE THE CONTRARY…you are a completely amazing, selfless person for opening your home to her in the first place.  She is 19, and unless disabled, or whatever has the capability to get a job – even if it is fast food, or whatever.  And who knows, maybe she has spent her time there scouring for a job, etc, but that is not on you guys, only her.

On top of that, you are giving her 3 more months of absolutely FREE living to work something out?!  What an incredible gift 🙂

Seriously…pat yourself on your back.  She is an adult, and has to figure it out, while you prepare that room for your innocent newborn, whom absolutely needs 100% nurturing, love and a roof over his/her head!

Post # 9
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

No, you’re not a bad person. You’re a saint for letting a deadbeat 19 year old take advantage of your and your husband’s generosity for so long!

Post # 10
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Nope!  Actually, this could very well be the best thing for her.

Post # 12
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No, kick her out. She needs that push to get her motivated. You have more imortant things in your life right now than worrying about her.

Post # 13
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Nope! As far as I’m concerned, you’re an amazing person for taking her in and basically paying for her basic expenses. She should move home with her parents.

Post # 14
3150 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@Mrs.Jansen:  you will be helping her. Right now she does not have to live as adult thanks to your kindness. Maybe you can help her prepare over these next 3 months. Even if she’s annoying you don’t want to her to fail!

Post # 15
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’re not a bad person for admitting you don’t have the space or the finances to support another adult in your home.

Based on this thread and a really similar one here (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/renting-to-a-friend-ventfrustrated) I’d like to say that whenever you take an adult friend into your home, you should do so as a gift, and expect that they won’t pay rent, clean house, buy groceries or any of it. Assume you’re giving them an open-ended free vacation.  Hopefully they will prove you wrong, but too many times that’s exactly what you get. 

If you go into things fully accepting that you’re gifting them a free place to live and all the food/housekeeping/car rides/etc then you’ll be pleasantly surprised when they give you rent money or stock the fridge. And if you’re not in a position to have someone under your feet indefinitely,  then you shouldn’t make the offer.  It’s just like how you should never lend money to friends; if a friend needs money, consider it a gift, and be delighted when they pay you back, but know when you hand that money over, there’s a very good chance you will never see it again.

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