(Closed) Am I a bad wife?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I understand completely where you are coming from the relationship does not seem healthy at all.

However, it is HIS MOM. And he seems to want to have a relationship with her. And it seems that he might feel torn between you (because you don’t like the way she treats him) and her and so he agrees not to see her as much because he wants to make you happy. But this is just leading him into a cycle of resentment.

I think his relationship with his mother needs to be on his terms and so I do think that you should be supportive of him and go with him to visit his mom, if that’s what he wants. If he wants to go alone then let him go alone.

Good Luck!

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Question: Does he recognize that his mother treats you both badly? I can’t help but think maybe family counselling for he and his mom to figure out what’s going on there, and then for all three of you would help a lot. I know you can’t chose your family, but you can try to manage your relationships with them as best you can. It IS his mom, so I can’t imagine it would be so simple as to say ‘Okay I won’t see her anymore’ and wash his hands of it. I think Future Mrs Martin is right, if you start laying down rules about when he can see her and on what terms, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of resentment.

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Ugh you’re really in a tough spot. Maybe if I were in your shoes I would put in the obligatory holiday visits, but say any other time Darling Husband wants to visit, he goes alone. It sounds like she’s really built a wall and she’s not interested in changing. I think the best thing you can do is be supportive of Darling Husband but I wouldn’t put yourself in the position of commiting to visit her all the time and being miserable the whole time just to make him happy. Has Darling Husband and his brother talked about what’s going on and why she behaves this way towards both of them?

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

PS – I would never say wanting to stay away from someone who hurts you and Darling Husband makes you a bad wife. You’re trying to protect the both of you and I think that makes you a good wife! You don’t want to see him get hurt and you don’t want to be emotionally beat up all the time, I totally get that!

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