Post # 1
Hey all! I was wondering if I am alone in these feelings… I have been engaged for three months now, to my boyfriend of 6 years. With 9 months left to the wedding and a busy upcoming 3 months at work, I am feeling really anxious about fine tuning my wedding planning, wanting to make sure everything gets taken care of ahead of time, etc. So, it feels like when my fiance and I get together, all i can talk about or ask him about are wedding related details.
We have the venue, DJ/MC and my dress, but I am still working on designing my own invites, flowers, programs, etc. We also still have to figure out the cake, music selections, slide show, bridesmaids dresses, you all know the list goes on and on… My fiance has been joking around with me lately that he is scared that I don’t really want to marry him, but I just really want a wedding! (of course, he doesn’t mean this… at least I hope not!) I feel really bad so I tried to scale back on bombarding him with questions about his opinion on different things (or at least limiting it to 3 questions per date), but I am starting to feel like something must be wrong with me! Is it horrible that the last things I think about before I go to sleep are my DIY projects, color schemes, guest list, etc. and not HIM specifically? haha. I promise I don’t do this to my girlfriends (esp. because most of them are still single) but I think I am turning bridezilla on my fiance because I have wedding-on-the-brain! Is this normal?
Thanks for any reassurance of my sanity that you can provide! 😉
Post # 3
OMG! I am completely feeling you cuz ever since I got engaged in November, wedding is all I can think of. I am off on 3 weeks vacation until Next Monday and I’ve been planning ever since even tho our wedding isnt until next summer in 2009. I cant even tell you how many times my Fiance and I argued cuz I felt as if he didnt even care about the wedding. Everytime I tell him something about the wedding, the majority of his response is "Oh okay." I really wanted him to ask for more details. I even accused him of not really wanting to marry me anymore.
Normally I would sleep at 12:30 am but now I find myself awake until 6 am just thinking about the wedding and browsing diff vendor sites. Its like an addiction or something. I too feel as if I have no one to go and discuss how I feel because my other friends are not yet engaged. I didnt want to be one of those moms who cant stop talking about their kids for ages.
So if you’re bridezilla, then I must be bridezilla’s mom, haha! Let’s have a drink! =p
Post # 4
I think that for most guys, they care more about MARRYING you, and not about the actual wedding. As well, speaking from experience, my Fiance seems blasé when he’s actually unsure of how to answer my questions.
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2011 - in the woods
What if you two have a day a week that you don’t talk about wedding preparations at all when you’re together?
Post # 6
Or a night a week that’s designated wedding. Like Thursday nights – then you can save everything up and get all the questions out off the way at once. Plus he’ll be prepared and know it’s coming.
It’s true most guys aren’t really into all aspects of the wedding – they don’t care about color schemes – flowers – or ______. But some things do interest them – cake tasting, food tasting, music etc. When the times comes to make those decisions – why don’t you delegate some things to him? They are things he might actually enjoy – and you’ll feel good that he’s involved and caring 🙂
I let my husband pick our dinner menu – I knew this was something he’d feel passionate about 🙂 We had an iPod wedding too – so I put him in charge early of creating playlists of songs he liked. We have totally different tastes in music – so this was a way he could really put his touch on the day. I delegated the honeymoon to him – at least all the preliminary researching distinations and such. He could spent all night researching stuff on the web!! We took his research and made the decision of where to go together 🙂
Most of my opinion and "I did this", "I did that" conversations happened with my mom 🙂 I would just run the final decisions by him.
Funny my brother had given my hubby a book called "What the Hell is a Groom and What’s he Supposed to do?" I was shocked with he devoured it. And his favorite part was a sports analogy. Basically the groom is the kicker. He’s not the coach, he’s not the quarter back – he just hangs out on the sideline waiting for his big moment. That’s the wedding day – when he shows up and does his thing 🙂 (that might not be word for word – but I think I have the meaning correct) (I didn’t read the book – so I’m not necessarily promoting it!) Not all grooms fit into this category – there are some that want to be involved in every decision – but you need to discuss that with your groom so your expectations of him matches his desires 🙂
Don’t let yourself get too stressed/overwhelmed! Enjoy the planning process!
Post # 7
don’t worry I am in the same boat as you but Fiance has been dealing this for a year and a half. Whenever there is a lull in the conversation the first thing that pops into my head and comes out of my mouth is wedding related…
Post # 8
I don’t think you’re bridezilla or crazy. It’s the biggest party/event many people will ever throw and there are a lot of details to hammer out. Honestly, there are a lot of people out there who don’t know what’s expected/going to be asked of them when it comes to a wedding, so it’s all so overwhelming.
Post # 9
This is absolutely normal and you are FAR from being a bridezilla. It is tough when you have so much going on around you. You hardly have time to really sit down and think about what you want while trying to realistically envision everything to get a good idea.
Post # 10
sunnybride, you are hilarious! hha. if you are in the oc/la area, we should def have a drink. that way our FI’s can have a break! and I wouldn’t mind hearing about all your plans 🙂 haha.
thanks, everyone. it’s a great idea to limit myself to one night/week or something of that sort. if only i could have the willpower to stick to it! i am definitely enjoying the planning process, but i hate to make a decision for the both of us. and Fi says it is my day, so ultimately my decision, but he always gives his opinion, and a lot of times, it doesn’t necessarily match with my own. 🙂 luckily, no real arguments yet. it’s more like me getting sad that he doesn’t completely agree with my color scheme, ideas, etc. and he says, well, you asked for my opinion, but what you want it good too! go for it! i guess it doesn’t help that i am majorly indecisive. 🙂
thanks again, ladies! it is wonderful to know that i am not alone!
Post # 11
You just as much of a nutter as I am – *Ha Ha He He their coming to take me away, to the funny farm…*
It’s normal. At least it better be or I have miss a lot of therepy sessionsHA! Details are important to you, maybe not so mcuh to him (stinkn’ men…who needs em?! Oh yea….we do. Dang it!) I do the same thing, wedding wedding wedding…..but if I wasn’t running details past him I know eventually he’d be like – "So, uham I just showing up or can I have a say in it too?"
It’s impossible to get them to voice stuff, so what I did was hand Mr Sweeney one of thoe fancy, handy lists of To DO’s and their times lines. (Print off at knot.com or I thinkthey have one every issue of bridal mags) I handed him a pen and said "Here. Check off the stuff you really care about having a major say in andput a star next to thing I can do on myown and you could seriously care less about"
It worked out great, I jabbered less (yea right, you’re thinking – is that possible?) and I knew what he actually cared about insdtead of wasting time telling him things he didn’t want to know.
Where did I put the rest of that energy you might ask? Here! Silly! Oh and my blog.
GL – it will slow down and you’ll be fine. Don’t be a Panicy Pamela – that’s my gig around here..hjahahahahahaha! (kidding!)
Post # 12
For us keeping it simple was the key. He wants to be involved but not to the level I originally thought, after getting those blank glassy stares a few times we came up with a better system. I do the legwork then present him with the options of what I like and he makes the final decision. Usually I call it multiple choice time
Post # 13
shortcake- yes that is true for most guys. They honestly just don’t care about the details. For example: My FH and I were at Hobby Lobby over the weekend picking up paper for the backer/matting layer of our invites… I asked his opinion about three different shades of pink… yes seriously. And his reply- "it’s pink… dark, light, shiny, whatever. It’s pink. I don’t care, pick your favorite" to which I kind of had a mini bridezilla moment that had been brewing for a few weeks because everytime I asked him about what he likes, he said "whatever you wanted" or "I don’t care". Well I hear "I don’t care about this crap, this wedding, etc"… I didn’t know if I wanted grey or khaki, cause damn that’s why I asked him!!!! We say, "tell us what you like" because we want to give you a nice wedding and have a great, thought out day. He hears, tell me what I want to hear, which is "I’m not picky". My FH has gotten the point and just makes the selection- I don’t need a reason, I just need him to agree with my choice and make me feel better about making that decision. But he still refuses to wear a tie with any pink in it. At least he made a decision about something.
Jilian- I LOVE that analogy, and I am going to text that to FH right now as he isn’t home b/c working nights (cop) for two more weeks then on to days! whoo!
But are you crazy? bridezilla? Nope. You’re normal, like all of us on here. But I agree with the op above, set a specific day of the week or something to do wedding talk. And ask him what he wants to be a part of, then you know what he really doesn’t care about. And tell him in advance that if you ask him to choose between two somethings (cake, flower centerpieces, chairs, tablecloths, etc) to just make a decision, rather than saying he doesn’t care. Because what we are really asking when we ask their opinion is do you like my choices, which is better? Not "do you like this???" LoL. even though that is the question actually asked. Men are so literal. LMAO. I just came to that realization when I was typing that! HAHA! So tell him in advance that when you are asking "Do you like this????" It means "reaffirm my decision, make a choice between what I’m showing you, and give me a straight answer even if you have no clue what a gerbera daisy is versus a shasta daisy".