(Closed) Am I A Horrible Person?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

No, you’re not a horrible person at all.  I would probably feel the same way.  (((hug)))

Post # 4
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think you have a case for not wanting his child to be at his wedding. I understand it would be difficult but I’m sure there’s something you can work out. What about the grandparents or aunts/uncles watching him? Why would he not be returning to his mom before the honeymoon part? Because your Fiance wants to spend time with him? How is he getting there in the first place if there’s no one to take him back?

Post # 5
Member
7339 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You have the right to feel this way, I think I would feel the same way as well. I would just let your Fiance know how you feel about all of this. Maybe he’ll surprise you with his reaction.

Post # 6
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Seems like a trip like that, when (presumably) the child’s mom isn’t there and Dad will be fairly occupied otherwise, will probably be pretty stressful on the child. Maybe your fiance’s parents/family members could look after him at the wedding, and take him home when they go back? I can definitely see how your Fiance would want his son there, but unless the child really really wants to go and is OK traveling without his mom (if he is anything like me at age 5 then that’s doubtful), it just sounds like a recipe for confused/stressed kid.

Post # 8
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@rosworms: I would remind him that he wanted the honeymoon to be about the two of you. Unfortunately this is a tough situation. I can understand him wanting his child there, however there is enough time before your wedding to make choices regarding this. Would it be possible for his parents to return with the child and return him to his mother so that he could be there for the ceremony but not the whole trip? I think there might also be some resentment on your part that you wanted to start a family and he said no and now that his child is involved his thoughts have changed. I know I wuld be angry about that personally.

Post # 10
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@rosworms: 

Here’s what I’d suggest: have your Fiance talk to the ex and see if he can pay for her to fly with the son down to FL and drop him off for the wedding, then fly back to pick him up after the wedding, before you begin your honeymoon portion of the trip. Or, pay to fly her down and put her up in a hotel for a night or two so she can stay down there and when the wedding is over, fly back up to PA with the son. If your Fiance agrees to pay for her roundtrip ticket and she’s not out any money, she might agree to it, especially since, and I mean nothing personal by this, she’s never met you and you’ve never met the son, so if I were her, I wouldn’t be feeling the most comfortable about sending my child off on a vacation with someone he’s never met and I’ve never met. That way, the son still gets to come to the wedding, you still get your child-free honeymoon (which I think you deserve) and everyone’s happy. 

Post # 13
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@rosworms: 

Would she even have to know where the wedding is? I mean if he meets them at the airport, drops her off at a hotel, brings the kid to you guys for the wedding and then drops him and her back off at the airport, she wouldn’t even have to know where the wedding was. But, I guess he probably won’t budge on that if he feels sure she’ll ruin it. 

Has she even agreed to let the son come along for the entire trip yet? Or is this a plan your Fiance is just sort of working on but hasn’t discussed with her yet? She might say no! 

Post # 15
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@rosworms:  You’re not horrible for wanting to have a honeymoon without a child.  However, I think it’s unreasonable to ask that his son not be there for the pre-wedding activities and ceremony (if someone could assist…although it wouldn’t be the most ideal time to meet him for the first time). I really like your suggestion about going a year later as a family! 

P.S. I don’t want to sound harsh, but I would stop referring to him as “the kid”…this young boy will become your step-son in the near future.  Wink 

Post # 16
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Does he not understand what honeymoons are for?  I understand him wanting to include the child somehow (even though he’s not been around) so how about this? The two of you fly to Pennsylvania and do something special and meaningful with the child in Pennsylvania.  For lack of a better term, a mock ceremony if you will, in the morning then spend the whole day doing fun kid stuff to celebrate the “new family”.  Give the child back to his mom then the two of you fly to your Destination Wedding as planned.  It will cost you more in airfare and you will have to be creative to plan what you can do in Pennsylvania, but you would have had to pay more for the child to come with you anyway. This way the child is not left out of the new union and you get your private honeymoon!

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