(Closed) Am I a loser from planet loser?

posted 4 years ago in Logistics
Post # 2
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Haddonfield, NJ

It’s funny, both my Fiance and I felt that way about each other. I was all family and he was all friends – we each envied what the other had! We also only have a best man and maid of honor. Numbers don’t matter. Your 10 matter to you, and that’s who you want there. It ain’t quanity, it’s quality! 

Post # 3
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

My family is very small, and on top of that they are all variously estranged from each other, so I will probably only invite about 6-10 fo them. On top of that, I have maybe 3-5 friends that are just *my* friends and not mutual friends of Fiance and I. We have been dating for 7 years and most of my closest friends are friends we have made together. On the other hand, Fiance has a huge family and also a ton of friends from home/college that he wants to invite that I don’t know at all. If I had to guess, I would think that probably 75%+ of our guests will be there just for him, another 20% will be there as friends of both of us, and 5% will be there just for me. I don’t think it’s weird. Don’t worry about it.

Post # 4
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

inkytoes:  quality not quantity. 🙂

 

My SO and I have already talked about the guest list for our wedding (even though we arent’ even engaged! lol) and most likely he will have about 30 people total and I will have about 80. Pretty uneven. But I just have a huge family and a good number of long time friends who are like family. Where he has a small but super close family and only a handful of very close friends from his childhood. He knows a ton of people in general but not many would make the cut to be invited to our wedding. I know less people actually but have a larger tight knit group of girlfriends. I wouldn’t feel like a loser 🙂 don’t worry about the number, just worry about having those you love and that love you back at your wedding.

Post # 5
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Eh.. I always prefer quality over quantity.

I’ve never been the type to have tons and tons of friends nor form close relationships with people I work with. Are the 70 people actually close friends?

Our guestlist was 50 people, we only invited people who we both knew and had active relationship with at the time of invite.. We didn’t invite people we used to work with, nor people we used to be close to. Both my husband and I have a small group of close friends (and small families) so that did make things easier though.

Post # 7
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2016 - Sacred Heart Catholic Church

My fiancé has a very large family, we have a total of 12 (that is including aunts, uncles, and cousins).  I literally have no friends besides my sister and fiancé.  We will be very uneven.  We just plan on having open seating, no bride sIDE and groom side.  

Post # 8
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

inkytoes:  Normal!!

My family is very small, whereas his is large. Also, my parents know people but not as many as his family knows. They’re from a smaller city and his dad is well known in that community, so their guest list was a lot of family friends. Darling Husband knew them all too, so it wasn’t like they were just adding people to a list just because.

I’d say our gust list was 10% me and 90% him. But, that’s just how it was.

Post # 9
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I dislike when people say quality not quantity. I get the sentiment but to me it somehow implies that someone with a big family or a lot of friends is someone who doesn’t care about them and just wants to be around a lot of people. Could be true, but often times not the case. 

That said, inkytoes, IMO this doesn’t really matter. We have 150 guests and I have about 65-70% of the guest list, because I have a HUGE family. As long as you are not forced to cut anyone out who matters to you to accomodate his, I think it’s perfectly fine. 

Post # 10
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Everyone is different, SO worried he would have nobody to invite but then I started listing all his family that I know would come out for him and my list was mostly friends, as I know a lot of my family may not make the trip. We both kind of felt crappy about our respective situations but it is what it is! 

Post # 11
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Don’t feel bad. I was in a similar position. Darling Husband has a significant group of really close friends, but I don’t really have that many really close friends. I’m just not that social a person, but it’s ok. You will still have fun at your wedding regardless of how many of “your” guests will be there. 

Post # 12
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

MrsMore14:  not the case. I think when I say it i mean that you shouldn’t just want more people for the sake of having more people. If you naturally have a lot of people (like me, I have a large family!) that’s one thing but to add people just to make that “quantity” larger that’s no good. So I don’t think it means that having a large circle of family and friends is a bad thing, I think it means that as long as your relationships are of quality, no matter how many you have, that’s what matters. Not the number of people in total that make up your circle.

Post # 13
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Our Backyard

beckybee787:  My guest list is pretty similar to yours. 

I felt bummed too but I’d rather have a five great friends then fifty acquaintances. When narrowing down the list I ask “would I invite this person to my home for a meal” and that usually clarifies who needs to be there and who don’t. 

He is obviously more sentimental then me since 90% of the list was his additions. If it makes him happy to have them all, then that’s fine with me. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  MrsGauthier.
Post # 14
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

stardustintheeyes:  Thanks for clarifying. I think I’m particularly sensitive about it because a lot of people make comments like “Why are you having such a big wedding?” etc (which by the way is pretty small compared to many of my family weddings!), and people tend to assume that it’s because I want a huge princess wedding, when in reality, that’s really far from the case 🙂

Post # 15
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

MrsMore14:  I get it. when I was originally planning a big wedding to my ex, I had a lot of people assume I was having one of those weddings where we invite everyone we have ever known and put on a big show. When really it was just all family and close friends. I just happen to have a rather large family.

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