(Closed) am i a selfish DW bride?

posted 10 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
6 posts
  • Wedding: May 2007

I don’t think you’re selfish. I got married in Kaua’i last year. Airfare was cheaper and from farther (from Newark NJ). I would call the airline and see if you can get a group rate for air. It’s usually 10 people with the same flight for departing and returning. Sometimes they give the host a discount. It doesn’t hurt to check with a travel agent either to see how they can help with a group. Don’t commit then send an announcement email to gauge the interest. You’d be surprised how many join you for your wedding and use it as a vacation excuse.

We had 28 people join us in Kaua’i most from NJ.

Good luck!


Post # 4
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

Fares will likely fall as you get closer to the date– they seem to reach their low point usually somewhere between 3 and 4 months in advance in my experience, with peaks on either side. There are several sites out there that will allow you to track fare trends for destinations and let you get a better idea of when to buy!

I use Yapta.com to track the changes on fares from various airports to our Destination Wedding and many have dropped over $200 since I started tracking them 4 months ago (we’re now 3 months out). 

Post # 5
15 posts
  • Wedding: September 2008

Airfare to Hawaii has actually become really expensive lately.  My cousin is changing her Destination Wedding from Kona to Jamaica because it’s going to be about 1/3 of the price for guests to attend.

If you keep it in Hawaii, you might want to consider incorporating some "help" for your close family/attendants into your budget. That way you don’t have to feel guilty if Grandma can’t afford the trip. 

Post # 6
18 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009

You aren’t selfish and shouldn’t feel guilty so long as you don’t get upset over guests being unable to attend.

Post # 7
31 posts
  • Wedding: November 2008

Don’t feel bad – essentially, you’re asking your friends/fam to come on a vacation with you. If they can’t make it, they can’t make it… no biggie. That said, if there are a LOT of people who can’t  be there and you still want to mark the occasion with them, maybe you can have a party when you get back? It can be as simple as having people over to your place for drinks… (Plus, it’s another opportunity for you to wear your dress again 🙂 ).


Post # 9
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Davndee, I responded to your post on another board, I think.

I totally agree with Miss Purple. It is a vacation for your guests…there just happen to be a wedding happening the same week at the same place. That’s how I see it. "If they can’t make it, they can’t make it…no biggie". Have a backyard BBQ or whatnot when you get back to celebrate with those who couldn’t make it. Make sure to provide photo albums so guests can see what they missed.

Post # 10
25 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am certainly feeling the same guilt/heartache over airfare to Hawaii. And I live here so it isn’t really a destination wedding.

The best advise I have received is to do what feels right for me. And a wedding here is just so right. A friend recently had a destination wedding in Tahoe and she had 60% of her guest list that couldn’t attend. But she said she didn’t even miss them. She and her now-husband had a perfect day with the people that could be there.

Of course, fingers crossed that the airfare magically drops before my big day! 

Post # 11
3 posts
  • Wedding: September 2008

Airfare to Hawaii has become more expensive. Aloha and ATA shut down.  So the other carriers are charging more. In March, as I was finishing our Save-The-Date Cards for our Destination Wedding, the airline craziness started. I was hestitant to continue with our Destination Wedding, but my fiance and BMs encouraged me to go forward. Hawaii is our ultimate wedding. We appreciate the people who are making a vaca out of it. We are planning on doing a few special things for our guests, ie. a hike, good take home favors, fun Out of Town bags, and a picnic day. 

Check out Hawaiian Airlines Wedding Wings. It used to have a 5% discount for wedding guests but I can’t seem to find it or they have removed it. 


I also talked to off2hawaii.com. There are some pretty good deals if you look into vaca packages. I called for more specific help.

Hang in there, it will all work out:)

Post # 12
4 posts
  • Wedding: May 2009

You can also try farecast.com  It is website that helps you gage when to buy airline tickets and when to wait. 

Post # 13
11 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

I am struggling with the same thing.  We are actually thinking about offering to help immediate family with some of the expenses (some family members need it more than others, but regardless I feel like we should offer to help).

Any suggestions on what is appropriate?  Pay for all hotel, flights, a certain $ amount?  

Also, I feel so new to all of this, but is anyone offering to pay for the dress attire that people will wear that day, i.e. bride’s maid dress, mob, groom’s men?

We are looking into travel agents, they should be able to get better deals due to their buying power – will let you know.



Post # 14
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

If you can accept that not everyone will accept your invitation, you are fine.  Do not feel guilty!  If you get enough flack for the Destination Wedding, maybe hire someone locally to put your shindig on a webcam or something and give your fam and friends that couldn’t make it the link to watch, so they’re still part of the big day!

Post # 15
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - The Grand Old House, Grand Cayman

Don’t feel guilty!  People that really want to come will come.  If you tell people far enough in advance, it will give those on a tight budget time to save.  When we were planning our Destination Wedding to Grand Cayman, I obsessively checked airline prices and sent emails to everyone I knew was interested to let them know when I found a deal.  Prices tend to fluctuate a lot, so don’t get discouraged!

Post # 16
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Sigh.  I am having Destination Wedding guilt.  Only one person has expressed negativity over the location of our wedding.  Future Brother-In-Law said flat out that attending our wedding in Hawaii would be "terribly inconvenient" for him.  I thought this was extremely rude, especially since Fiance paid his brother’s way through grad school.

Fiance is paying for FMIL/FFIL, and we will probably end up subsidizing some of the other guests’ hotel costs.  Also planning on buying my MOH’s dress (we’re only having one attendant each).  Apart from Future Brother-In-Law, those closest to us are pretty financially secure, and seem really happy for us.  The wedding is not until next spring, leaving people plenty of time to save if they need to.  Still, it’s hard not to feel guilty.

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