(Closed) Am I a selfish friend? What's going on here?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think she is being a tad unreasonable. Maybe that’s not the right word for it. If she was normally hyper about going anywhere with the baby, I could understand it. But apparently this baby is already a little well-seasoned traveler. I am sure your friend has a very full life, but she can’t leave her baby with Daddy a few hours? But I would let it go.

Maybe a visit when the baby is a bit older or during the summer? If she keeps making excuses, it would be very telling.

Post # 19
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think anyone is to blame.  You’re both very busy and your at different points in your lives right now.  Truth is that you’ll probably never be as close as you once were but when you do get together it will be like you were never apart.  That’s how it works as we grow and change.  It will be okay.  🙂

Post # 20
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

A lot of the different answers you are getting here is because parenting styles differ from person to person.  Some parents (my sister, for example) finds their child does much better on a strict eating/napping schedule and a 7th month old would may still be on a schedule of napping every few hours.  Other parents don’t schedule their kids at all, so might have no problem leaving the house for several hours to hang out with a friend.  Neither way is wrong, but it’s a difference that is real.  One style means that no, that parent will not be up for taking 2-4 hour trips away from home, and that’s okay.

I would hang out less until either one of you or both of you are less busy.  There’s nothing wrong with not seeing a friend for a few months.  Heck, my favorite brother and I lived in the same town for years and we would OFTEN go a few months without seeing each other, because we would both be busy, or would have opposite scheduels, etc.  It didn’t mean we loved each other any less, it just meant we were busy–and we always picked up at the same level when we DID hang out.

I have several mommy friends (and I’m expecting myself) and we always go a couple of months without hanging out.  It’s better for all of us, because we all have so many responsibilities.

Post # 21
2 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

i have two kids, a 4 yrold and a 10 mo old. My baby is a huge mama girl, but i still go places. I think she should meet you halfway and try more. If shes that busy? get a sitter and her baby daddy should pich in.


Post # 24
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Buttercupmcgee:  She probably does want to see you more so don’t let that confuse you.  🙂

Post # 25
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I read your post and skimmed the comments. Here’s what I think:

Like most have said- you two are very busy. I say, take a step back and do most of your “hanging out” via phone (or skype) until you two can actually meet up. Tell her on the phone that you want to see her but there’s no good way to make that happen right now- you are not going to sit on the train for 1hr+ and she’s not willing to leave her baby or take baby out of the house.

Just out of curiosity, where are you two? I lived in long island city and my sister lived in bay ridge and taking the train there was a nightmare!

Post # 26
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Buttercupmcgee:  I don’t understand why you didn’t help with the shower….I have a Maid/Matron of Honor just quite planning my shower because she got mad at me for asking her a question about it and now I am left planning my own shower…so I never understand when people get overly sensitive about things like this…I would have still helped.

anywho…as for her being unreasonable…I say no… I don’t think you (or I) know what it’s like to have a kid so I would just try to imagin the crying the tirdness, the fussiness…time consuming. 

My best advice to you is to be always gracious if she really is your friend…a really good friend could go away for a long time and still come back to you like nothing really happened. Everyones life takes different paths and it’s hard to maintain friendships….so it’s up to each person to decide if the friendship is worth holding on to even if you can’t see each other…

Post # 27
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Buttercupmcgee:  First, I don’t blame you for backing out of the shower deal – I would have too.  It was rather ungracious of her to accept your offer to host a shower and then change things. 

As for now, I don’t know if she’s being unreasonable or not and I also don’t by into the “I have a baby – I’m busier than you could possibly be nonesense” but I don’t really hear her saying that.  It just sounds like your BOTH in places (and locations) where getting together is just going to be difficult for awhile.

If I were you, I think I’d write back and say something along the lines of even though it may not be possible for the two of you to get together for awhile / very often, you do want to keep in touch.  Maybe you could arrange Skype coffee dates or phone calls for awhile.

The baby won’t always be 7 months old and your schedule won’t always be as hectic as it is now either.  If you can both hang in there until things calm down and be supportive and understanding, you should be fine.

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