(Closed) Am I a terrible FI?!

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I like to know what time to expect my Fiance home for the same reasons, and it’s just considerate. I think that the “curfew” and those friends in general are separate issues. It sounds like an awkward situation, and even though they claim they will back off, when it comes to deeply held beliefs like those, they never will. I think you need to cut them out anyway, or at least present a united front. I hate to say it, but if your Fiance stays buddy-buddy with them and hangs out without you, they may be trying to put a bug in his ear, and that would annoy more more than him coming home at 2:00am! Good luck. You two definitely need to talk about this more.

Post # 4
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sorry I agree with your Fiance.

I think you have to give him his freedom to do what he wants to do. I think it is common courtesy for him to say “I’ll be home late don’t wait up” but I don’t think he needs to be home at a certain time and especially a time dictated by you. To me that really has a curfew vibe to it as well.

My Fiance and I give each other approximate times we will be home when we are out alone and then if we are going to be later we text the other to let them know.

I think it is very important for couples to do their own thing every now and then and he obviously enjoys hanging out with this couple.

Plan a fun alone night for yourself. Take a bubble bath and read a good book and then get to bed early if you would like.

Post # 5
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I always ask FH when hes going to be home, I like to know so I can plan around it.

I dont even know what to say about the other part about them.

Post # 7
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Eek this is a tricky situation *hugs* I completely agree with Amaryllis that you two need to discuss this situation more and come up with a united front. 

1) You two do need to establish boundaries about what is respectful behavior and what is not.  Ask him how he would feel if you were out with friends who had previously voiced disapproval about your relationship until 1 AM.  Chances are, he wouldn’t be too fond of the idea.

2) You also need to decide how you will handle this couple – if you will cut them out or see what happens.  You know the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.”  If they display similar behavior one more time, they need to be gone – period.  True friends do not run around passing judgment and threatening to end friendships if someone does not do exactly as they would do.

Post # 8
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I find it kind of odd your Fiance wants to hang out with that couple two nights in a row and stay so late both times. There’s no one I really want to see two nights in a row, except Darling Husband 🙂 I think it is common courtesy to let the person you live with know when you will be home (I usually ask Darling Husband to text me when he is on his way, and I do the same for him). I’m glad your friends have apologised and I hope they prove themselves to be better friends from now on.

Post # 9
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’d want to know when to expect him home too, just to not worry, but I wouldn’t put a time limit on it.  These friends are a little odd… what’s it to them if you guys are married first??  Do your parents even try to force that upon you.  As long as he’s strong and true to what you guys have decided and don’t listen to their nonsense, I guess don’t see the harm in them hanging out either. 

Post # 10
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t really care what time my Fiance gets home, I just want to know if I should wait up for him. I try to keep it light hearted, I’ll text him “Still alive?’ or “Need me to bail you out?”

 

Also, you need to either forgive your friends and move on or try to distance yourself from them. Either decision needs to be made with your Fiance. It sounds like you still have reservations and he doesn’t.

Post # 12
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Um this couple is sounding stranger and stranger. I thought you said in you earlier post that they weren’t that religious? They are overstepping personal boundaries and honestly it sounds to me like they are trying to convert your Fiance. I would put my foot down now and not let this go any further.

Post # 13
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

My Fiance called me about ten minutes ago and asked if it was okay if he stayed out late tonight. I asked what time, and he said 11:30. HAHA I feel old right now..Its a bit of a different situation though. Wed is typically our day and we dont schedule or do anything without the other person without okaying it beforehand. Im sick so he went out to his friends tonight.

I think it is up to each individual couple to figure out what works for them. Through trial and error we have figure out that what works for us is asking if changes in our routine are okay. Typically they are, but I know if I had said no, I’d rather you come home and watch a movie with me, he would have done that too and been okay with it. And neither one of us likes going to bed without the other one (and we value the time we do have together since I spend a lot of the summer traveling for work).

I have friends who are on both ends of the extreme (controlling vs. easy going). I would talk to your Fiance about what you expect out of each other and the relationship in terms of spending time apart or with friends vs. being at home or being together.

I agree that the “curfew” and the friends are two separate issues. It sounds like you are still a little angry with them or leary to trust them, and I would be too, but your Fiance has forgiven them and is ready to move on. You probably can’t stop him from seeing them, but I would explain your feelings and reservations about this couple so you are on the same page.

Post # 16
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

if your Fiance says he’s gonna be late for some reason i dont think that you have to give him a curfew and say he has to be home by 1am or a certain time unless your actually going somewhere as soon as he gets back. setting curfews for guys can just backfire n make them want to rebel against it.. if he feels restricted he will want to stay out even later, but if you relax about it he will be coming home earlier than u expect.

the friends who are pushing u to get married- hmm i dont get them at all, why is it so important to them? you should respond to their facebook msg with GET A LIFE YOU TWO

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