Post # 1
Okay, I’m going to start with a little backstory here. My best friend and I have been best friends for as long as anyone can remember, since we were little kids, over twenty years. Granted, we have’t always gotten along and we’ve had our differences, she is still my Maid/Matron of Honor and I am hers a few months later. This is where things get tricky.
Her Fiance sucks, to put it bluntly. He is a very heavy drinker, I would say alcoholic. He makes decent money, but he is very reckless with it. They both live at her parent’s house, when they should have enough saved up to move out and he is totally taking advantage of everything. And to top it all off, he treats her like absolute crap! He goes out an dlies to her, he doesn’t come home and we all have reason to believe he is cheating on her (and he has in the past!). He is not nice to her friends, includng me and he has yelled at me and called me names before. I have every reason not to like him and I am genuinely concerned that she will be so miserable in a marriage to him.
We are all supportive of her and we try to make her see all of this, but she is so blinded by the fact that they are “high school sweet hearts”. He makes me sick and I feel so bad for her. I have brought it up to her in the past and it just results in fights and she always says she “can’t understand why I can’t be happy for her.” He has come between our friendship before and we have tried to work it out, but I cnnot bring myself to like him or accept that she is settling for him.
Now my question for you guys is, how do I make a Maid/Matron of Honor speech at this wedding that I wish would not happen? Should I tell her that I cannot make a speech? She knows I really do not approve of him and their wedding already.
I appreciate you guys that read my whole rant, now please do not tell me that I should’ve said no to being her Maid/Matron of Honor, because I am doing that for her and I love her like a sister. I have talked to her about the relationship and how unhealthy it is and that got nowhere, so that’s not worth it either.
I really just need some outside advice! Thanks!!!
Post # 3
Has she asked you to make a speech? If so, just give a short generalized speech about how you’ve known her for so long and she’s practically a sister to you, and wish them all the best.
Post # 4
I would make a short, nice speech about how you’re happy to share in this special time in her life, and say congratulations. Make it more about her, less about them.
Post # 5
@sheridd2: My fiance is a best man in a wedding where he and the bride don’t even speak. She is completely crazy on so many levels, the whole family knows it, and I’m dreading the wedding. Anyways, for his speech he plans to focus primarily on the groom and his relationship with him/how long they’ve know each other etc., and wish the couple the best. Keep it short and sweet, it’s really all you can do.
Post # 6
@peonies2: thanks! Good luck to your Fiance and you at the wedding. It sucks to be in this situation
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
You’re in a tough spot. Honestly, I don’t know that I could bring myself to attend a wedding that I don’t support, let alone be the Maid/Matron of Honor. You’ve got more guts than I do.
That said, I’d probably make the toast all about my friend. Tell a story from your shared past and wish her all the best in the future. Just don’t do what happened at one of our friend’s wedding. The Maid/Matron of Honor just didn’t approve of the groom. The groom had done nothing to deserve this disapproval, but the Maid/Matron of Honor hated him nonetheless. So the Maid/Matron of Honor, who was a bit sauced, gave her toast and said that she really didn’t know why anyone bothered to come to the wedding because the couple would be divorced in 6 months anyway. The bride was livid, and that was the end of it. The bride and groom have been very happily married for 5 years now and are trying for their 2nd child. I’d say that Maid/Matron of Honor is currently eating her words and kicking herself for ruining a lifelong friendship.
Post # 8
@peonies2: Id stick with that plan too
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
I was in a similar position as my best friends Maid/Matron of Honor. I had known her for 20+ years at that point and while I found out even worse things about her now husband after they were married I never really warmed up to him and to top it off he was awful the day before the wedding! He showed up late to the rehearsal, over 1.5 late to the rehearsal dinner – meaning that post rehearsal he just took off for 1.5 h! Then during the rehearsal he accused her of “checking out the best man” because she was looking at him while he was talking to a group of us?! After the rehearsal, he got in his car and took off! No one could find him or contact him for almost 12 hours!! My friend was in a panic calling him and texting him all night. Finally his Bridesmaid or Best Man found him asleep in his car park in front of his mother’s house. He called my friend at 5am to say he had just “fell asleep and lost his phone” it was so difficult to be happy for her at this point and up until the ceremony she wasn’t even that happy because of what he put her though the night before.
For my speech I focused solely on my friend and what type of person she is and how much our friendship meant to me. I also read a poem that was the inspiration for their theme.
They’ve been married 1.5 years now and he’s still controlling and jealous. He’s gone so far as to accuse her of sleeping with family members! It’s disgusting but she won’t leave him. I’m just there for her when she needs me (don’t hear from her often) and hope they either work through his issues or she gets out.
Post # 10
Just think of how much it will mean to your friend… And as far as telling her he’s no good etc she probably knows that. But now its too late, because either you keep (being a good friend) and telling her why you believe it true and the marriage is over (then of course it’ll be ‘your fault’) or you just bite your tongue sometimes, and wait for her to either work on her relationship, or leave him (hopefully before 2 kids and a mortgage)
weve all been there with the drop kick boyfriend’ try be a gf and a shoulder to lean on instead 🙂