(Closed) Am I about destroy their opinion of me?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh hunny, absolutely not – I’m sorry to hear about the things you’ve dealt with, but “Cleaver-esque” is not real life – and working through your issues, especially with people you trust, is going to make you feel so much better, and help you to heal… and if they’re even worth trusting, they will be there for you! Hugs!

Post # 4
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

7Seven is correct on all counts 🙂

Post # 5
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with 7SEVENJ9 – how in the world would you look like an idiot in this situation? In everything that you posted here, you were the victim! These things were done to you by very bad people…and  your husband was your knight in shining armor that helped you move past that at the time.

I think you totally need to get this stuff out and find closure with it. It’s not as if you broke up with a guy and still couldn’t get over it…you were raped on multiple occasions. That’s absolutely something that you should bring to light with these people to help you heal from it! I don’t think their opinon of you will change for the worse…if anything, it will change for the better. You’re a very strong person to have gone through life for this long and having this bottled up inside of you. Take them up on their offer of help and you’ll find that they will be able to help you heal.  

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@MrsFuzzyFace: If you don’t allow these folks to help you, would you consider talking to a counsellor who specialises with woman who were victims of sexual assault? You could always politely decline their help and do that instead. I think you do need to face this in order to get past it…keeping it bottled up isn’t going to help you with the healing process.

Post # 8
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think it’s really brave and insightful of you to realize that you need to talk about and move past this stuff in order to really be your best self.

There is no “that girl.”  There’s just you.  The things that happened or were done to you in no way reflect on your personality, values, or morals.  Anyone who thinks badly of you because OTHER PEOPLE did terrible things needs to have his or her head examined.

Point being, the people at your church may see you differently insofar as they will know more about you, but I can’t imagine it will make them think less of your character in any way.

Post # 9
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@MrsFuzzyFace:  If a girl came to you privately and said she’d experienced all that you have and is now struggling to cope would you think she was attention seeking?

Post # 10
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I wish I could give you a gigantic hug! For your own sake, and the sake of your children…..it’s important to deal with this! I’m sure that this is/will effect your day to day behavior…..and that will effect your daughters.  You want them to grow up to be strong, healthy women…..and for that you happen….you need to have internal peace! Also for your own sake, this is WAY too much to carry around…..you must be emotionally EXHAUSTED!

I am SO SORRY that you went through all of this!

Post # 11
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am so so sorry to hear what you have gone through! I have been through some unfortunate situations myself and they make me so angry and hurt when I think about them.

I think talking it out with them is a great idea. Especially if they have noticed that you’re bothered by something and have offered to help you through whatever it is, I would graciously accept their offer if you feel comfortable/inclined to speak about it with them. You will by no means come across as an idiot. You were the very unfortunate victim in those situations. I think your friends will be very supportive and open to helping you deal with the emotions you have associated with your past.

Post # 14
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Why not see someone who you don’t know socially?  You don’t want to find yourself holding back and not discussing absolutely everything.  Also, while I am sure your husband is supportive of you going to therapy, he may be more comfortable if it is a more private situation for you as well.  Either way, I hope you get the support you need.

Post # 15
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If anything it will strenghten opinions, I think so anyways. Imagine the person you thought was “perfect” really wasn’t? And that this person is actually has a lot of bad sh!t in the past. However, this amazing person is now coming forward to deal with this, and this person may now be able to help others, and this person is using her past to be a better person.

Just because someone isn’t perfect like you thought doesn’t make them bad it makes them NORMAL.

By the way I’m always suspect of “perfect” people I think they cover up bullshit. Which you are doning (no offense). I’d be thankful that you’re coming out in a sense, I think it makes you a BETTER person.

Post # 16
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t know who the “their” is in your question, but no one decent would have a bad opinion of you because of what you wrote here.

It sounds like you still have a lot of shame and self-blame about what happened to you.  What happened to you was Not. Your. Fault. Not at all.  Not even one tiny little bit.

And you know what? Even if it had been in any way your fault (which it wasn’t), you would STILL deserve to heal, to have a good life, to forgive yourself, to be loved and treated with kindness. 

I don’t know whether these people are the ones to talk to about it – I think if you feel so comfortable and trusting with them, they might be perfect; but I could also see it being easier to talk with an outside therapist.  But either way, you should work through this with a professional. 

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