(Closed) Am I allowed to be offended?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you be offended?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 16
    Member
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

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    Candice1990:  I would definitely be upset. Mope a little bit and then try to let it go because it isn’t worth it 🙂 Feel better.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

    The two situations are not equivalent. As you said you aren’t as close to her, you didn’t ask her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor…so why would you expect the same reaction? Perhaps you’re just miffed your Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t cry all over the place, but honestly why would you want to be associated with a reaction that was so over the top and just plain embarrasing? Not to mention posted of FB…

    Post # 19
    Member
    114 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I think it may also depend on how you asked her. This other bride went out of her way to give her a sash and what not. I think she may also like the title, maybe it was showing that she was happy being Maid/Matron of Honor and she wanted to show off.

    Post # 21
    Member
    7639 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

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    Candice1990:  What she did was pretty insensitive to you. It’s ok to be hurt. You can’t really say anything to her of course, so vent away here!

    Post # 23
    Member
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t see the point of being offended, to be honest.  Her reaction is a bit OTT and hasn’t anything do to with you or your relationship with her.  I don’t know, I just don’t see it as a big deal I guess.

    Also, I think it would be seen as very bitchy to kick her out of your bridal party.  It would seem a very “This town isn’t big enough for the two of us” attitude, even if you didn’t intend it that way.  I mean, how many pre-wedding hours does being a bridesmaid require? I can only imagine that if she said yes to both of you, she anticipates having enough time.  

    And that sparks another idea….maybe she didn’t show extreme reaction to your request because she might have already been anticipating being asked by the other bride (whom she’s closer to and would perhaps choose over you if she had too?) and wondered if accepting your request first might interfere with the other brides’s request to be her Maid/Matron of Honor.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

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    Candice1990:  It would probably hurt my feelings a bit too, though I suppose it’s not really something you can get outwardly mad about. (Vent on here though, definitely! That’s what we’re here for.)

    I would assume that there is some circumstance that you don’t know about. Assuming that would make me feel better. Maybe she is/was suuuuper close with the other girl through a hard time or something? That can make friends closer forever, based on my experience. Or maybe she was more surprised by that one. Or maybe the other girl has some crazy all expenses paid thing that she’s excited about. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

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    Candice1990:  It would probably hurt my feelings a bit too, though I suppose it’s not really something you can get outwardly mad about. (Vent on here though, definitely! That’s what we’re here for.) I would assume that there is some circumstance that you don’t know about. Assuming that would make me feel better. Maybe she is/was suuuuper close with the other girl through a hard time or something? That can make friends closer forever, based on my experience. Or maybe she was more surprised by that one. Or maybe the other girl has some crazy all expenses paid thing that she’s excited about. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    6338 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

    Her reaction was over the top and I can’t see myself doing that, but I wouldn’t be offended either.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

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    Candice1990: You said she was pleased (‘which she was happy to do’). That’s about as much as I would expect or hope for from a potential bridesmaid who agreed to take the job on. From my understanding of this stuff, even in Oz, where, if the bridal couple chooses what the wedding party wear they also pay (yes, I am Aussie too), there is a lot of time and monetary outlay associated with being a bridesmaid. Depending on how often she has been one, how close you are etc it’s really nice of you to offer, but also nice of her to agree. Be happy.

    Meanwhile her embarrassing display on Facebook is honestly just that, my best guess is she’s one of these “always a bridesmaid, never the maid of honour” types. Which I guess could sting, a bit like when you’re seven and you realise you are not your BFF’s BFF (your bestfriend’s bestfriend is usually called Katy for some reason I am not entirely sure of). Perhaps for her this is finally that moment where she has been elevated above the other girls, chosen as the BFF, in the most socially acceptable way for an adult to do so. Whatever. 

    Comparison is the thief of joy. Move on.

    Post # 29
    Member
    4697 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’d be more offended by the fact that she was wearing a Maid/Matron of Honor sash than the content of the post. 

    I get feeling slighted but, it really doesn’t matter. She’s still your friend, she’s allowed to have different types of friendships with other people and she’s happy to be in your wedding. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    1496 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’d be offended, for sure. i think you have reasont to be. There’s not much you can do about it though. I’m so sorry that happened.

    The topic ‘Am I allowed to be offended?’ is closed to new replies.

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