Post # 1
My only living grandparent, my dad’s mom, called me up at work yesterday and we had a 10 minute phone conversation. She said she and her boyfriend would not be coming to my wedding because they don’t get around as well as they used to and the weather in their state is unpredictable. (They live in the midwest, I’m in Florida.) Then she mentions offhand that my dad and his girlfriend might not be coming either because of money/job issues.
It’s a month before my wedding and as much as I’m trying to act like her not coming is no big deal (she had previously told me “don’t hold your breath”), the sudden news that my dad might not be coming either has just totally set me on edge. I am not the kind of person to get upset over things, truly, I am a no-drama kind of person avoiding conflict. But this is just.. ugh. I am my dad’s only daughter and my grandmother’s only granddaughter, and I had planned to have him and my mother walk me down the aisle…
Post # 3
try talkin to ur dad and find out whats goin on
Post # 4
I think you are allowed to be upset to an extent.. however.. I’m guessing your wedding is rather far away. If you really want him there maybe you can offer to help?
My father is very short on cash, so I will be renting his hotel room. Usually, this is not done.. but I would like him there. Sometimes you have to do, what you have to do.
Post # 5
Yeah, I’m going to talk to him I guess tomorrow. I guess if it is money problems keeping my dad from coming, we will be paying his way, but he has known for a long time now, a full year, about our wedding date… : And he hasn’t called to tell me anything about not coming, last I knew they planned to drive…
Post # 6
It is a long ways, but I have travelled back at my mom’s expense almost yearly or at least bi-yearly for the past 15 years and they have never once visited me in my home state or even offered to come down until now. It’s really not a terrible hassle to travel.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t get upset based only on hearsay. I would speak directly with your father to find out if his plans have changed. It’s possible that your grandmother misunderstood or is unclear as to your father’s plans.
Post # 8
@jamiesaltkill: it’s difficult when the wedding is not local. unfortunately not everyone can travel. i would definitely talk to your dad and see if you can find out what the issue is. if it is financial, perhaps you can assist him.
Post # 9
I guess I just always imagined that there was no way they’d miss their only daughter/granddaughter’s wedding. My grandmother isn’t exactly hurting for money either, so it seems like she could offer to help my dad out too. I don’t know. I guess I’ll know more when I talk to my dad tomorrow.
I’ve just been trying to make an effort the last several years to keep up with them and build a relationship with my dad even though I wasn’t able to be close to him growing up due to distance and my (then) step-dad etc, but I can’t help but feel snubbed or like I’m not that important or something. Additionally, it’s already a small wedding with a max of 50 guests and probably more like 35, so it hurts more to think that it’s just not going to be like I imagined or wanted or planned for. Not only will not very many people come, but the people who are closest to me aren’t even making it a priority.
Maybe I am being selfish about it, I don’t know.
Post # 10
I’m in the midwest too, and the weather here is unpredicatable in winter. I think alot of people were fooled into thinking winter wasn’t so bad because last year was so mild and warm. But we have already been snowed in a few times already.
I think you have a right to be upset, if you have always pictured certain people there, and suddenly they drop this news. I think it was wrong of her to mention your dad, if he is not coming, he should tell you that himself, rather than g-ma starting a terrible rumor and upsetting you.
Post # 11
I would talk to your dad about financial issues… are you able to help out?…. and as per unpredictable weather, that sucks 🙁
My mom told me that her mother (my grandmother) might not come to our wedding (its 4.5 hours away from where she lives) because she doesn’t want to leave her 3 cats
Also, my dad told my mom that he doesn’t want to walk me down the aisle/have a first dance with me becuase he doesn’t like being up in front of everyone and being embarassed.
The grandmother thing I am not too concerned about.. you like your cats more than me? Cool. I’ll send you some pictures I guess.
My dad thing? I am going to tell him that is he doesn’t walk me down the asile/dance with me it will be MUCH MORE EMBARASSING because everyone will ask him why he didn’t.
Post # 12
Yes it’s normal to be upset when people can’t make it. I also agree the best person to talk to about this is your Dad. As for your grandmother cut her some slack. It is incrdibily difficult for older folks to get around and travel like they used too. My grandpa is very old and while his mind is sharp is body isn’t. He missed quite a few of his grandchildrens weddings due to the fact that they were out of state. It takes a massive toll on his body.
Post # 13
You’re allowed to be upset as long as you’re not upset at them. You will just have to be understanding about your grandmother’s situation, but I would talk to your father and find out for sure what’s going on there. Perhaps you could help pay for your father’s travel expenses and that might make it possible for him to come after all? My husband and I are disappointed that his brother, his sister-in-law, and his nephew could not come to our wedding (especially since they were all supposed to be in the bridal party), but they live in another province and my husband’s sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer a month before the wedding. My husband is especially disappointed because they had to miss out on all the family photos and it’s the first time that his family would have been together in over a decade. It really sucks when close family can’t make it to a wedding, but it’s just one of those things that we have to accept and try to be gracious about. I’m sorry you have to go through it too.