(Closed) Am I allowed to say "you're no longer invited"?

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t mean dictate who comes, despite his bad behavior. I’d really just put the drama to the side for now and address it after the wedding. The bride and groom don’t need this right now and he is in the wedding party so you can’t tell him not to show up or pay for anything that was planned. 

Post # 5
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Gonna be honest, its $40… I’d just cover his share and move the eff on, unfortunately 🙁  Yeah, he’s an ass, but it’s just not worth the drama.

Or if you don’t want to pay, I agree with Snurf… he can attend, but if he didn’t pay anything for activities then he gets no part in them.

Post # 6
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Girasole:  And that’s his choice. But you can’t tell him where he can and can’t go if he’s a mutual friend. He’ll just have to sit there and look stupid I guess. 

Post # 7
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I disagree with the PP.  You’re the Maid/Matron of Honor and you’re the one planning and throwing this party.  It’s unfair that he doesn’t pay when everyone else does and it’s especially unfair for you to cover the cost when you’re already paying for the hotel room for the bride/groom (what a nice thing to do! SO sweet!  I hope they appreciate it).  If the money is a problem for him, you’ve already offered to split the cost. 

I think you’re in the right to tell him to pay up or not show up.  Depending on just how comfortable you feel talking to the bride about this (it WAS supposed to be a surprise after all, but clearly it’s not anymore), I would tell her that he might not show up bc he hasn’t paid.  If it’s that important for the bride/groom for him to be there, maybe they’ll just cover the cost – and I would let them.  He’s their friend, not yours. 

Post # 8
Member
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@loving_life:  I think you’re confused.  OP said SHE’S paying for the hotel herself – so the cost is ONLY $40/pp instead of what would have been $70/pp.  AND, she offered to pay half – so the Groomsmen would only have to pay $20. 

Post # 9
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Is what he’s doing morally right?  No!

Is he being mature?  Most definitely not!

But is it worth adding to your friend’s stress by bringing it up? Not really.  Yes it stinks, but get everyone to kick in $5 a piece to cover him and let it go.  There’s nothing you can reasonably do without creating drama and the best thing to do is to grin and bear it with style.

Post # 10
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just saying, if I was the bride and someone started telling me about all this drama between friends over 20 bucks, I’d be pissed. 

Post # 11
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh my gosh! How frustrating for you. First of all, wow.. you are an amazing MOH! Going above and beyond, so I definitely understand your frustration. Unfortunately I would say that he come regardless, in my opinion.. just because of his place in the wedding. But wow.. some people, eh.. I would personally make some jabs in person lol, but not much you can do. Also – don’t feel bad for hounding him about it, you’re doing the right thing! 

Post # 13
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Edited: I’m sorry you’re dealing with this as Maid/Matron of Honor.  You sound like an awesome friend to have 🙂 I hope I didn’t come across as rude or insensitive.  Can you ask the rest of the bridal party if they can do another like, $5 each?  :-/ But again, if not, then yeah he attends and sits on the sidelines looking like the ass he is!!

Post # 15
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Girasole:  He can show up and do nothing if he doesn’t pay his share, he’ll just look foolish and cheap!

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