- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I’m upset with my Maid/Matron of Honor and I’m trying to figure out if I am being an ungrateful brat who needs a slap upside the head. Some background – My Maid/Matron of Honor and love each other, but are very different people. She is a little uptight, doesn’t like to drink, can’t be around swearing or “inappropriateness.” She is straight, but hates being around guys and has a hard time even going to parties where her married friends bring their husbands, and says of these parties “I just want the men to leave us [women] alone. Why do they have to be there? Why can’t they go in the other room?” I think this opinion is weird but have learned not to probe. I, on the other hand, hang out almost exclusively with guys. Like, I have my Maid/Matron of Honor, and one other female friend. I have a crude sense of humour, like to go out and drink with my buddies, and have a bit of a potty mouth. I don’t have girlfriends because I don’t like drama. I do love my Maid/Matron of Honor because it is nice to have someone to talk to when I do need to have emotional talks, and I try to give her support in return. She is a good person and I watch my behavior around her so I don’t upset her. We do not have ANY mutual friends, and don’t really get along with each other’s friends.
So, when I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, I was hesitant to have her throw my bachelorette. Even among her group of friends she is known for throwing horrible and/or boring parties. But I knew her feelings would be hurt if she couldn’t plan it. She asked me what I wanted, and I started by politely asking if we can have alcohol (her parties are usually dry). She said of course. And then I told her, “since I’ve been talking about getting engaged I’ve been saying that I don’t want a bachelorette. What I really want is a bachelor party. I want to be able to hang out with ALL of my friends. I don’t want it to be girly. Something fun like paintball would be cool, or even something really laid back like going to a couple of bars or playing beer pong at someone’s house.” When asked, I provided a large guest list. Most of the females were family members or friends wives. I told her I knew the family members couldn’t come but I was inviting them so they knew I was thinking of them and that the party would probably be pretty small.
Flash forward to a month and a half before the wedding. I had no idea when the party was. I asked, and was told it will be in two weeks, on a Friday night, in the town most of my friends live in. I live and work 40 miles away from them, and while I’m happy to travel to see them, Friday night traffic is gridlock and it takes about two hours to get there. I was not given a choice as to when the party started, and it will be a stretch to get there on time. No invitations were sent out, and I mentioned that it was getting close and people would need to plan. Almost a week later I get a facebook invite. I find out that it is a theme party, and we are expected to dress up according to the theme and then go visit my “old haunts.” We are starting the evening at a bar I’ve never been to, and ending it at a bar I hate. The party is set to end at 11pm. Only three of my guy friends were invited, and they were told to only come meet us at the end of the night. She invited one of her friends I’ve never met before. Many of my guests were not invited at all. At that point, I felt like my head was going to explode.
Since I don’t have girl friends the only people to RSVP are my Maid/Matron of Honor, the other girl I hang with, and my MOH’s friend. After bitching to my mom I calm down and call my Maid/Matron of Honor to tell her that honestly I am disappointed that my guy friends can’t come. Her response? “Well, I’ve never heard of a bachelorette with guys, so I didn’t know what to do.” I’m thinking, “Um, I asked that this not be a traditional bachelorette? I asked that we do something guy friendly cause that would make me happy?” She quickly revised the facebook page to include the guys in the whole evening. But everyone had seen it already and no one knew about the change… My party is tonight, and I found out from my brother last night that my guys still thought they weren’t invited and I had to send out an email to clarify.
Onto my missing guests- I thought she just accidently screwed up because she isn’t tech savvy, but when I looked at the list of people she didn’t invite I realized that all of them were people that she doesn’t like. One of them was my mom, who I didn’t really want to invite but whose feelings would be hurt if she wasn’t invited. The other was my brother, who is the person in the world that I am closest with. I’m sorry that she doesn’t like him, but it was important for me to have him there. She shouldn’t be choosing who is and isn’t allowed to be with me on my special night, right? It’s not like there’s some crazy feud between them, or that they get in screaming fights. She just doesn’t like their personalities.
I know that she is doing me a favor, and I should be grateful. But my bride brain says “This is my last chance to party with my buds as a single lady! I don’t get a do-over on this!” And most of all my feelings are hurt because I feel like she didn’t take me into account when planning. It seems like this night is all about her and what she wants and who she likes and how cute her theme is. But I don’t know if I’m reading too much into things. I don’t know if this sadness and hurt is all a results of being three weeks out from the big day and overemotional and stressed and overwhelmed. And I’m dreading what’s going to happen tonight. What do you think? Am I crazy?