(Closed) Am I asking for too much? I don't know what to do.

posted 4 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 46
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

beverlykay:  Do you guys have any plans in the near future to not be in a LDR? Is there an end in sight where you will eventually be together in the same place or closer proximity? If not honestly I would probably end up being super honest with him and say he has to just deal with texting/email/ some other form of communication or else it won’t work. That’s just me though. If you don’t communicate more than a few times a week you don’t know what is going on in their day to day life and to me that sounds horribly sad! Isn’t that what a relationship is? Sharing your life with someone else everyday? GL I hope he can get it together for you.

Post # 47
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

ok let me just say to offer a counter point to the PPs who say you have to communicate everyday with your SO…. I disagree! Especially if you are just dating and don’t have any kids to exchange updates on. I mean what do you need to talk about multiple times a day? 

I LIKED only talking several times a week when we were dating. It made our convos more meaningful. We had more to say. I liked the anticipation of talking with him. It also freed up time for me to live my life without checking my phone all the time to see if he called/texted.

i have friends that text their DHs all day long. that works for them, I’m just saying I dont think you have to do that to stay close. hell there was a time when I had a LDR with a cowboy and he didn’t have a cell phone and we exchaged LETTERS once or twice a week. But since I don’t know what he did every minute of every day, I guess we werent close, right? I feel like that’s the vibe I get from some PPs. 

The important thing to me is OP shouldn’t be initiating every line of communication, which to be fair, if SO thinks OP is always going to call or text he  probably doesn’t have a reason to make contact. 

going a couple days to see if he makes contact, that’s fine I guess. But from what I’ve learned about men is you have to be direct and say what you want. yes he should just do it, but he’s not a mind reader. I’d tell him how I feel and say what is acceptable communication for me to feel close to him. Then see how he handles that. 

Post # 48
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee

Lol i love how everybody is saying “a man in love will…” like that’s the only way man can love.  That’s silly and irrational people.  

My biggest concern is his quick temper.  Why would he get annoyed or pissed at longer messages?  Is there a reason this is touchy for him?  Do you text him non-stop, with non-essential information?  

I don’t think he’s amazing based on his quick temper.  I don’t think anyone can be perfect.  I would say that he needs to compromise on at least some type of consistent communication.  You should reduce your expectations about texting.  I get that you live it, but expecting him to love it too is unreasonable.  Both of you compromise because this is pretty silly if you ask me.  

Post # 49
Member
3036 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

beverlykay:  I’d say “snapchat” counts as texting. Pretty much the same thing to me. Although, I don’t use snapchat… so i’m not sure why you couldnt send photos via text just the same.

Post # 50
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It doesnt sound like youre in a relationship

Post # 52
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

beverlykay:  I despise texting. Isn’t a quick phone call much easier?

Post # 53
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Tell him you feel that he’s taking you for granted in a way that doesn’t seem like you’re attacking or criticizing him. If he’s used to being chased, this could be the norm for him.It might not even occur to him that this is a serious problem. If he’s a reasonable man who loves you and you show him that the way things are is hurting you, there’s no reason he wouldn’t agree to make a change.

Post # 54
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

My now Darling Husband and I were long distance for 9 months. I was on the east coast and he was in Europe. We texted all day every day and facetimed daily. I think communication is key for a LDR to work. Good luck!

Post # 55
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

I´m also in a LDR with a busy SO.  I found a solution for that: tell him he can pick either 5x30min or 3x1hour skype per week. Each sunday you sit down and pick a skyping schedule that works for you both that week,and write it down as an apointment. If he is into you he has to understand that he must  make time for you in order for this relationship to work. He is picking the skype dates according to his schedule so he should have no excuses to talk to you during that time. And if he starts failing, not having time for you or having other priorities, then he isn´t worth the effort. And you don´t need to tell him all the storys wight there…write them down and tell each other everyhting when you are skyping face to face, he will appreciate the storys more and you will have more to talk about. I´ve been doing this for 10 months without seeing my SO and it works or us…right now we just skype 2x 1h per week and we always make an efford to send “good night” and “good morning” messages. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  LDEscape.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  LDEscape.
Post # 56
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I wonder if he doesn’t want someone else to see your texts?? …anyways I’m also in a LDR and we facebook each other throughout the day, never call because Fiance always hated talking on the phone but he doesnt mind skype so that’s what we do. We used to skype everyday but I’ve been way too busy with my masters to talk to him even once a week… :s So maybe it’s just that he’s really busy? well I hope it’s this and nothing else :/

Post # 58
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

thesummerangel:  Long texts are a pain because you can’t multi task while you are doing them whereas you can talk on the phone for a long time and do other things. Texts eat up too much time.

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