(Closed) Am I asking too much!?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@HappilyEverAfter54: Well I don’t think you should find a new Bridesmaid or Best Man over this but it does kinda stink that price isn’t even bad…  some people just don’t have that kind of money to spend on a dress… a $150 necklace won’t recover that money. However, I do not know her financial situation so I cannot make any judgements.

Post # 5
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That’s kind of surprising that your maid of honor, of all people, is complaining about a $100 bridesmaid dress. But I have to ask, why do they need matching shoes? I’ve only ever been told a color.

Anyway, maybe your Maid/Matron of Honor comes from a circle where the bride buys the dresses for their bridesmaids… Or is she really hard-up for money? If she’s only making minimum wage, that would take 20+ hours of work to pay for… In any case, it seems strange to me, like there is something underlying. (jealousy? something you’re not telling us?)

Post # 6
Member
849 posts
Busy bee

I think you’re being totally reasonable, if your Maid/Matron of Honor had a problem with $120, she should have been more specific when you asked, because I think most people would consider that not too much.

What I would do, because I’m a person who likes to avoid conflict at all costs :p is just ask her how much she is ok with spending and then cover the rest. Which is kind of sucky :/ but the easiest option I guess. Could you return the necklace and get a different gift that puts the budget back in balance?

Post # 7
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@HappilyEverAfter54: hmmmm that is strange… have you two been having problems recently?

Post # 9
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I mean this in the nicest way possible and can speak from experience….you have over a year until the wedding so I would just let this go and see how things play out.  Lots of things can change between now and next June (like her financial situation, what the bridesmaids want as dresses, etc).  I guess the important question is, are you willing to potentially start a fight over $120?

Post # 10
Member
4159 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is it possible to purchase her dress as the gift rather than the necklace (if you’re able to return or regift the necklace that is)

Post # 13
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t understand the notion of ” have(ing) the very elegant pictures you

(I) sooo badly want at the expense of the relationship. Even if you have other friends in the most elegant gowns will that replace your feelings about your Maid/Matron of Honor.

You say she is making more money at this job but you never really know someones financial situation. She may have a lot of debt and need to get it paid off.

If this dress is that important to you then maybe get her maximum and top it up to the 120. Simply say to her “Jane in order to guide my search for dreSsed what is the max you can spend” lather rinse and repeat as necessary.

Post # 14
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

When I was having money issues, i would avoid any questions about prices for anything! Maybe she has something going on? I would ask her if she would like you to buy her dress and shoes as her gift. I know some bees would disagree with the dress being a gift, but I would have loved for my friend to have just purchased the dress that I was never going to wear again, instead of making me pay for it and buying (or in my case, making) me a necklace that I would never wear again.

Sometimes I think its funny, that the dress you wear that day isn’t considered a gift but the jewelry to wear with the dress is considered one. Any bees that were given jewelry have you worn it since the wedding? Bees that gave jewelry, have you seen your girls wear the jewelry you gave them since the wedding? I’m just curious. I am very simple with my jewelry and tend to wear the same pieces. My friend made the jewelry we were going to wear, but forgot and years later i still never got it. But from the way she described it (comparing it to the little cheapo gift bag jewels we put on the bridal shower favors) I never would have worn it again and most likely would have put it in the dress up box at school for the kids lol.

OP, I wouldn’t be too upset. You should definately talk with your friend and see if shes ok!

Post # 15
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i came on this thread expecting that you’d be asking something way too much, but honestly, i don’t think you are. $80 is on the lower end of typical bm dress costs, and you tried to be conscientious and ask your bms for a price cap, and your moh just wouldn’t even talk about it–that’s really weird! i also asked my gals for a price cap, and they were all happy to give one. i went over a couple of their limits bc my moh and sil fell in love with a more expensive dress (that i loved too) but then i paid for the extra cost, and they were totally happy with that. is it in your budget to cover the moh’s dress cost? or at least, cover it now and then have her pay you back however much she can? or like, if you’re the same size, you buy it and it’s your dress, but she borrows it for the wedding day? if it’s really just a money issue, i don’t think it’s worth harming a friendship over. but if she’s dragging her feet on anything related to your wedding, then there might be a larger issue going on.

Post # 16
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@MissCallieJean: I don’t consider jewelry purchased specifically for another person’s wedding a gift. That’s a part of the “costume” I have to wear for the bride’s big day. I purchased the dresses for my BMs and they have to purchase their own shoes and jewelry. I don’t care if it matches or not b/c the dresses and flowers are what will be tying the “look” together.

OP…$120 is not that much to pay for a dress and shoes. I think the price is more than reasonable. I would think that since you chose this person to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, you guys have a close relationship, so I would just ask her if she has the money. If she doesn’t have it, you have to decide how you want to handle the situation at that point. Just know that friendships have ended due to brides replacing members of the bridal party. 

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