Post # 1
I’m one of four bridesmaids for my friend who’s getting married in a couple of weeks. As part of her bachelorette, we arranged a dance class where we learnt about a minute of a routine of a 4 minute pop song (with 2 extra girls who are guests at the wedding). It was great fun in the privacy of our own studio (although none of us were very good), and the bride joked about making us perform at the reception.
Today, she emailed us saying that she & the groom want us to do this (without her!) at the reception. One bridesmaid is happy to do it, I’ve said I’ll do it as long as the bride does it even though I don’t want to (I completely refuse to do it without her – feels too attention grabby), and the two guests and another bridesmaid have said no as politely as possible. It is clear that overall, we don’t want to do it – there’s no time to rehearse, we’re all busy people and to be honest, we were also pretty bad and it’s going to be quite humiliating.
The bride has incredibly passive aggressive in response (including facebook status updates…), and I’m getting pretty pissed off at her continuously pushing it. One of the guests directly said ‘no thanks, I’m bowing out’ and she said in reply ‘don’t be silly, of course you’re doing it’. She’s also said that us not being in sync and not knowing the moves will make it more entertaining for everyone watching, which makes me feel like I’m going to be wheeled out to laugh at. She’s been reasonable through her wedding planning, but so have the bridesmaids. She wanted a destination bachelorette and a local bachelorette and we made those happen. She’s stressed as the wedding gets close, but I feel that it doesn’t excuse her rudely pushing us to do something when clearly none of us are keen on it.
Am I the crazy one for being angry that she’s being so pushy or is she crazy for pushing us to do something we clearly don’t want to do?
Post # 2
I would not agree to do something like this (or put my bridal party through it either) so I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.
Post # 5
Total Bridezilla moment. Even the most sane and reasonable brides can have those moments, unfortunately.
This is a total non-starter. It was perfectly fine for her to raise it as an idea, but once there was pushback, she should have politely dropped it like a nuclear potato. The fact that she directly told a non-bridesmaid ‘of course you’re doing it’ is just icing.
Is there any possibility that she’s so engrossed in her little fantasy world that she truly does not understand that you guys don’t want to do it? If so, I’d give her a pass for her behavior, but sit her down and explain gently, but in no.uncertain.terms. that this is not happening, and people do not want to do it.
If she *does* realize that people don’t want to do it, and is pushing anyway, then I would do the exact same thing, but be prepared for her to have a tantrum. I would then call her out directly on the tantrum, and let the chips fall where they may.
Post # 3
cece_intheuk: I 100% agree with you. When you signed up for being a bridesmaid, you did not sign up for either (a) many hours of dance rehearsal, or (b) humiliating yourselves with a poorly executed dance. (or (c) both).
You’ve already gone above and beyond the call of duty by giving her a destination bachelorette. Just continue to firmly say “no”. Also, remind her that unless everybody is on board and capable, it will probably be an embarassing disaster.
Post # 4
cece_intheuk: Don’t be angry, that’s just a waste of energy. Just say that you are not willing to perform.
Post # 6
Ugh, this is downright creepy, especially the part where she thinks the dance will be BETTER since you guys will be bad at it? Basically she wants her guests to have a good time by laughing at her BMs awkwardly trying to do a choreographed dance. No thank you! Total Bridezilla move. If she keeps at it I would just sweetly stick to my guns, saying “I’ll totally do the dance, but I don’t want to upstage you for even one minute of the wedding… I’m sooo worried what people will say… so I’m afraid I can only do the dance if you join in!”. I bet you she’ll drop it!!
Post # 7
She’s being a bitch. No way would I be cool with it, and I think group dances are… tacky.
Post # 9
Lollybags: Thank you for the confirmation that I’m not losing it and being unreasonable!
Sephiroth: One of the other BMs (nicer than me!) has talked to her one-to-one and she’s still insistent that it should happen, so tomorrow I’m going to spell it out to her so she understands fully. If her attitude wasn’t so offputting I would be less against doing it.
aussiemum1248: Thank you for agreeing with me! I will absolutely be telling her tomorrow that it’s going to be embarrassing for everyone. I’ve watched painful, poorly executed wedding dances on youtube and honestly, this is even worse.
julies1949: I’m definitely trying to reign in the anger as it’s completely unhelpful (although difficult!)
ohnatto: RIGHT?! Like, wtf?! I would never force my friends into doing things they cleary don’t want to, particularly not for people to laugh at them as a joke at my wedding…
Pinkmoon: Thanks you, it’s so weird to feel that someone you generally love is being an unreasonable bitch. If only it were a group dance. At the moment it’s just a massive group fail.
Post # 8
cece_intheuk: I would rather hang upside down naked from a chandelier than perform a dance at a wedding. And anyone who is a close enough friend of mine to ask me to be a bridesmaid knows that. I would have said HELL NO if one of them suggested this. This is beyond normal expectations… your friend needs to understand that not everyone is comfortable doing this like this!!
Post # 10
I literally saw this happen on an episode of Bridezillas… So I’m going to go with Bridezilla. This is an absurd request.
Post # 11
cece_intheuk: I would never ask this of my bridesmaids and i’d be pretty horrified if I was asked to do it as a bridesmaid! I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and to be honest, if its going to be awkward, I wouldn’t enjoy watching it as a guest either!
If none of you are in to it, just stress that to her – it’d be pretty rediculous of her to try and force you and hopefully she’ll see that.. eventually!
Post # 13
MsMonkey: Ha, I think I might join you on that chandelier. I’m going to make it blindingly clear that if people say no, then that’s it.
turtle9748: Lol. That’s all the confirmation I need!
Miss_E_xx: It genuinely baffles me that she thinks people will enjoy watching us flail around excruciatingly.
Kazza: Lol, quite!
Post # 14
Who would do this to their friends? Sounds like she wants people to laugh at her “closest” friends at her wedding…very mean girl status if you ask me.
Post # 15
This sounds like something crazy right out of the show Bridezillas! Ummmm no, just hold your ground. That’s just ridiculous.