Am I being a bad girlfriend?

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

RunLift1234 :  You are broken up, you’re not his girlfriend. You need to accept that and create some boundaries. He doesn’t get sex from you and you don’t get to cry on his shoulder. Find a friend you can talk to or better yet a therapist. Stop relying on this guy, he’s just going to continue to disapoint you.

Post # 34
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee

RunLift1234 :  why do you want to be with this asshole?

Post # 36
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

RunLift1234 :   “when you care about someone you care even in the bad times”  I disagree. 

I’ve cared about people deeply and decided to disengage anyway.  Some situations are unhealthy or heartbreaking or angering. Investing in a person who is (likely) leaving you comes at a cost some people aren’t going to want to pay.   You don’t get to decide how other people react to you (almost? kinda? sorta?) planning to leave them.  

Maybe I’ve misread your posts.  It sounds like your SO doesn’t want to marry you, so you’re planning to move on (perhaps to another state).  If that’s the case, even if you’re not 100% going to break up, you’ve told him you’re definitely not 100% in, and have made clear steps in the “leave” direction.  If that’s the case, I stand by my prior statements… you’re on your way out because of an intractable disagreement.  He’s the dumpee. The dumpee doesn’t owe the dumper their emotional support.   ETA: Even if the dumpee is an ass and the dumper is just making the best of a bad sitation.

Post # 37
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

RunLift1234 :  But he has told you bluntly that he does not see a future with you and that he isn’t interested in anything you have to say.

 

Bee…if you haven’t officially broken up yet, I think it’s only a matter of time.

 

I think you really need to focus on yourself at this point. You can always reconcile down the road when you’re in a better headspace. I think you need to consider this relationship as ended.

Post # 38
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee

RunLift1234 :  I read your posting history. It’s time to make a clean break. You are falling into the sunk cost trap. 

He, on the other hand, is too much of a coward to break up with you. He wants you to do it. Every action of his screams so.

Post # 39
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

RunLift1234 :  Ok, so you haven’t told him you are breaking up with him but he doesn’t care if you move away, he doesn’t care about your feelings, he asks you not to speak, he says he does not want to marry you, I mean wake up he’s literally showing and telling you that he doesnt want to be with you. He literally just wants to be around you if it’s for sex. I guarantee if you start having sex with him he won’t all of a sudden care about you, you’re not being a bad “girlfriend” and causing him to act like an asshole, he just is an asshole.

I mean, if he won’t even participate in this so called relationship right now, how on earth do you think a long distance relationship with this guy would work?

 

Post # 40
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee

Also, I can’t reiterate this enough – do not have sex (even break up sex) with him. Nothing good will come out of it for you.

Post # 43
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I went back and read the OP. Bee, it seems like you might be thinking that he’s not interested in you because you aren’t having sex with him, and that a more active sex life at this point might save your relationship.

 

I don’t know him, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think his heart is no longer in this relationship but he still wants to get laid as long as you are living there, and is willing to send quasi manipulative texts to you and possibly hint to you that he would be more supportive if you’d ply him with sex. At this point, sex is not a mark of intimacy, it is a transaction and one that will cost you much more than it will cost him. 

Post # 44
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

RunLift1234 :  OP he doesn’t want to commit to a future with you.  That’s his right. 

He doesn’t have a right to have sex with you. If you don’t feel comfortable shutting his advances down, it’s time to move out. If you are scared of him, it’s time to move out.

Post # 45
Member
9490 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

He said he doesn’t want a future with you.

You said you were looking for jobs out of state and he was fine with that.

Face it, this relationship is over. Maybe you haven’t said those exact words, but it is done. And yeah sure he still wants sex, what guy doesn’t. Personally I wouldn’t risk getting pregnant in this situation.

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