Post # 1
Ok Bees, here’s my story…I knew my cousin was getting pretty serious with his girlfriend, so when I got engaged 2 months ago I sent him an email as soon as we booked the venue and set the date in stone. When we set the date, my wedding was over 14 months away. I just wanted to make sure I got on my family’s calendar early.
He proposed this past Sunday, and I just got an email from him asking if I was cool with him getting married 3 weeks before me. Yes, 3 weeks. Now, I’m not a huge bridezilla or anything like that, but roughly half our family will have to travel for our weddings, and trying to come to 2 that close together will put a strain and probably not happen. I’m also worried that I’m going to feel stressed to hurry up and get my STDs and invites out, so everybody doesn’t RSVP to his and then can’t come to mine. I didn’t want wedding planning to turn into this at all.
Am I totally overreacting? I honestly feel like sitting in a corner and crying, and I’m trying to figure out if that’s legit or if I’m just being a PMS-y bitch
Post # 3
@agrinste1: How far would the family have to travel? If it’s like an hour, it might not be that bad. 2 hours even. 6… and there will be some issues.
While it’s important that people not put their lives on hold, it’s also annoying if someone plans a wedding so close to yours with the family traveling issue. Two completely separate social circles and I would understand. Close family and I would not.
Your venue is booked, otherwise I would recommend that you both try to push your weddings further apart if possible. So essentially he would be the only one who could change. Is there a reason he picked that date? Maybe it’s the only one that worked on his end.
In the case that he can’t change, and the weddings end up close together… I would probably be that kind of person who tries to get out the STD and invitations earlier than him. But I’m petty like that, I guess. At the very least, you should try to send your invitations out around the time he does, so that if family has to choose, they’ll choose with the full information and not feel blind-sided by saying yes to one wedding, and then surprise there’s another.
It’s a rough place to be in. Some Bees may say you have no business being upset… But I’m going to tell you that you have every right to try to play your cards right.
Post # 4
@agrinste1: people here will say you only get one day, but the fact of it is, weddings and especially ones that involve travel, cost money and use up time people may not have a lot of with work and other obligations. I can tell you right now, if I got an invite to two family weddings three weeks apart that we had to travel for, FI and I couldn’t afford to do both, there’s just no way. Between paying for travel, hotel, and a gift and trying to take time off work from our busy jobs, we would have to choose one or say no to both.
I seriously suggest having a blunt conversation with your cousin and explaining this. You’ve already reserved a venue so there’s not much you can do, but he can still change the date. If he won’t, then spread the word about your date, get family involved, send Save the Dates as early as possible and hopefully people will make your date a priority.
Post # 5
In this particular situation, I’d be annoyed. If it was a friend, or more people were local, I’d say it’s not a big deal. However, making your family travel twice for a long distance, and his being first is questionable. Unfortunately, at the end of the day you can’t dictate their date. I’d make sure your save the dates get out first though- especially to family.
Post # 6
I can understand why you’re annoyed. But I don’t know that there’s much you can do about it. Your date is set. You can’t tell them when to get married. I’d be sure to congratulate them. You could maybe ask about how mch the guests lists will overlap. You could ask if they’ll be back from their honeymoon and able to travel to your wedding. But realize that there is likely a lot that went into their date decision that you don’t know about. So don’t assume they’re trying to upstage you.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I would be annoyed, but there isn’t much you can do about it. How far does your family have to travel? When he asked you if it was ok was it like…if you said no he would change the date? Talk to him if your family would have to travel a long distance.
Post # 8
I would definitely be annoyed.
Post # 9
It’s not fair to you or the family. These people will be trucking all over, taking vacation days, and spending all kinds of money in the span of 3 weeks.
Post # 10
@agrinste1: is this what the world has come to? Family members have to ask each other’s permission to get married within a certain time period of one another? Damn that’s selfish. Everyone has the right to get engaged and set a wedding date of their choosing. It’s not a competition. You get married when it’s convenient for you. If your guests can’t make it so be it.
Post # 11
@agrinste1: Life doesn’t stop because of your wedding. You should read the bride logic thread that badabing88 started – it really applies here. People will continue to get married, have babies, and live life even though you are getting married. His timeline doesn’t need to be impacted by yours. You send your invites, and he sends his. There is nothing you can do to control it, nor should you try. You get one day, not the whole month…or year.
Post # 12
It sucks, but there might be a reason that he is choosing that date. In reality, yes, some of your family members might have to choose one wedding over the other, but it’s not like your parents will not attend your wedding because they are going to his instead. Your parents and siblings will all be able to attend your wedding regardless of when your cousin gets married, along with all of your friends and your FI’s family, so it’s not as big of a deal as people make it out to be.
Post # 13
I know people are going to say “you get one day…” but I get it. When there is family traveling from all over, some just aren’t going to be able to do it.
FI’s brother and fiance are getting married about a 1.5 months before us. I was really, really upset at first. Family was making comments to me about how it was so inconsiderate. But you know what, there is nothing really you can do. I would just focus on your wedding plans, make them as special as possible, and for the love of god do not share your ideas!!!
Post # 14
My family does that all the time. We’re scattered, so there’s no such thing as a “local” or “hometown” wedding for us. I’m the MoH in my friend’s wedding in April 2014, mine is in June and my FBIL is in Sept. It happens. If people have to choose, the people with a closer relationship to you will go to yours, the ones with a closer relationship with him will go to his. Don’t get all crazy trying to claim guests. You don’t even have to submit final head counts for a year yet.
Post # 15
@agrinste1: I am a firm believer in the “you only get one day” thing. However, he asked you if it was ok, so clearly he is aware that this may be an issue. I would simply explain that while you understand you each only get one day as “yours” that the family should be taken into consideration. Not only is the travel an issue but gift giving is also part of the deal. its hard to afford the cost of being a wedding guest so close to together, especially when traveling. I would also explain that you already have your venue booked. bottom line, yes, its a problem and to save everyone the headache you would suggest picking a date that is farther out from yours to make things easier for everyone.
Thats not the best advice considering its pretty against the rules lol. Idk. I would most definitely be sending my save the dates and invites out early. As a guest, I know that I would most likely attend the event that I recieved the invite for first.
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I don’t buy the “you only get one day” business. If the weddings involve a lot of travel for mutual guests, that’s just not cool. I would never dream of doing that to a close-ish family member and would be disappointed if it happened to me.
Unfortunately all you can do is respond with your concerns very politely. Don’t feel bad, he wants to know your honest opinion and it would be much better than holding a secret grudge. Since he JUST proposed, they probably still have a lot of options for dates rather than only this one. Good luck, hope it works.
And get those STDs out ASAP!