(Closed) Am I being a brat?

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

He could have been planning something special but it sounds like he felt pressured to propose when he did or he would lose you. It was wrong of him to give you falst timelines but if you wanted an amazing proposal story it takes a lot of patience on your part and a lot of time and planning on his. I freaked out on DH a few days before he proposed and I felt guilty about it for a long time. Luckily my freak out occured right before he was already planning on propsing..unfortunately yours did not. While it wasn’t intentional, you put him between a rock and a hard place. Proposing makes guys NERVOUS as all get out and they need time to a) plan b) build up their nerves and c) follow through with it. When they feel rushed or pressured, it seems like their brain freezes up and all they can get out is “will you marry me” (if they can even manage that!). 

I would let it go, do not demand a re-proposal. It may not have swept you off your feet but anything else at this point would be forced and probably wouldn’t make you feel better. Instead focus on how great it feels that your FI wants to spend the rest of his life with you and start planning your dream wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@UnderCoverBee23:  While I understand your frustration.  I think calling someone on the phone and telling them that you’re done unless they propose isn’t the best or most mature way of handling it.  Rings can be upgraded or exchanged, sounds like you’re getting your dream ring and this is a place holder. 

In answer to your question, yes your behavior is kind of bratty.  He could have handled things better, but so could you. 

Post # 5
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honestly, yes you are being a brat!

You had a dream that your SO proposes, he doesn’t in real life, and then you freak out that it is the last straw. And so in a last ditch effort to please you, your SO got a ring, came home and sweetly asked you to marry him.

I feel like if you wanted “your real ring” you should’ve waited for him to do it on his time scale. But even still I am not sure if he would have given you the grandiose proposal you were expecting. Most of the time it is hard for guys to even do the get down on one knee and ask a girl to marry them thing.

I feel like you completely pressured him and did not allow him to do his thing on his timetable,  if there is anyone you should be mad at in this situation it is yourself instead of him! It is kind of difficult for you to expect him to know your expectations of your dream proposal without you telling him!

I would try and move on from this as this is supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life and enjoy this time with your SO now FI!

Congrats on getting engaged! 

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

It’s tough working on someone else’s timeline for when things are going to happen.  That said, he sounds like he proposed to get you off his back, and now you’re still not happy with the ring or the proposal.  I’d say let it go.

Post # 7
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@FMM:  +1

You told him he could give you a ring pop, and he gave you a diamond. But because it wasn’t big enough or the one you picked, so you demanded a new ring and proposal, because the one he gave you under pressure (because of a dream you had?) wasn’t good enough…yeha, kinda bratty.

Post # 9
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

Usually if you have to ask if you are being a brat, the answer is yes.  

It sounds like he had something special planned, but he ended up proposing in haste just to get you to stop whining.  

At this point you can’t take anything back, and I would just let him know how happy you are to be with him and let it go.  Enjoy planning for your future together and move on to enjoying your engagement.

Post # 10
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This whole thing sounds like it has the maturity level of a middle school age range. When he’s ready, he will propose w/o the feeling of having to do so to get anyone off his back. When you are ready to say yes, you will say yes to the man and not the um, “cheap looking diamond chip”. So, yes, you do seem a tad bratty.

Guys have unique timelines for, you know, HUGELY important things like devoting their entire lives to their SO and some like to find the most perfect way to ask. It sounds like he may be one of those types but felt pushed into it, so the proposal and ring were less than stellar.

 

Post # 11
Hostess
2557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m sorry you are frustrated and upset over your proposal/ring.  Like PP have said, maybe he did have something awesome planned but felt pressure to just pop the question already.  Everyone wants that magical “WOW!” proposal, but the fact of the matter is that he proposed and you’re marryng the man of your dreams — you’re not marrying the ring or his proposal.

Post # 12
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

In these situations, patience and serenity are required to get through with your sanity in check…

Post # 13
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

You can’t complain that his proposal wasn’t magical or heartfelt when you pressured him to propose “or else”. He was between a rock and a hard place, and he tried to make you happy in the end but you still shot him down. 

Maybe he’s in the wrong for promising proposals when he clearly wasn’t ready, or promising your dream ring and not coming through, but the blame is ultimately on both sides because you two aren’t meeting eachother’s needs in terms of getting engaged.

Post # 14
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes you’re being a brat. I’m not trying to be rude, so please don’t take it that way, but clearly you have been making him proposing such a huge deal, threatening to leave, and he doesn’t want to lose you but hadn’t planned how he wanted to propose yet. You need to accept that this was his proposal after feeling like you weren’t willing to wait for him to do it when and how he wanted. Demanding another proposal won’t make you any happier with it, it will end up feeling forced and will lose any magic the moment could have had. Which it sounds like is the exact problem in the first place, you demanded a proposal and he gave in to your demands, no wonder it didn’t feel in the moment or magical.

Post # 16
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Yes, you are being a brat. Waiting can be stressful, but you are WAITING because you love HIM, not because you want a proposal. If that’s not true, you should move on and find someone you think is worth waiting for. You demanded a proposal and you got one.

You should take a step back, and remember what this is all about. You want him to propose because he wants to and feels ready, not because you demanded it.

ETA- why is the timeline so important? How long have you been together? If you can leave so easily, maybe he isn’t right for you.

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