(Closed) Am I being a brat or do I have a right to feel annoyed?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hmm.. with regards to how you are feeling, I honestly can’t answer that. If you feel annoyed, it’s not my place to tell you if you are right or wrong. Only you know how much work you put into everything and how much you thought about your party.  If you are annoyed, that’s fine…. but, please don’t tell your parents you are annoyed!!!

I think it was very sweet what they did. Perhaps they didn’t want to speak to you ahead of time about money because they felt they could only contribute a certain amount, and that it wasn’t high enough.  I know it can be frustrating because you had the opportunity to budget for a little bit more, but at the same time – if you had your party, had a great time and everybody was happy – it doesn’t matter if you could have spent a little bit more money on decorations/food, etc.

And…. now you have the extra money that you didn’t have to spend….think of what you can do with that!

Post # 4
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think that its perfectly reasonable to be upset but at the same time, I think you should try to put it behind you and not bring it up to your parents. They tried to do something nice but didn’t go about it in the best way.

Since you were unable to get a photographer for your party, what about using the money you ended up not spending and have some engagement photos taken?

Post # 5
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I dont think you are being a bitch but Look at it this way you now have 400  dollars. You can use that money on what ever you want. Yes it would have been nice for them to give you that money and et you spend it where you think it should have gone but from what I read they are not taking credit for the party they are just Paid for the last 400 dollars. 

Post # 6
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@scadadle15: I like your idea with the engagement pictures!

Post # 7
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee

It’s always a little frustrating when anyone gets involved in something you’re taking care of yourself, but I would look on the bright side and use the money for other things. Write your parents a nice thank you note or take them out to dinner 🙂 That’s a pretty big present. Have a nice little honeymoon or something 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry that you’re bummed! I can see it being frustrating that you could have potentially had a bigger budget than you originally anticipated, but I like the ideas other bees have mentioned. Take some engagement pics, or go for a nice weekend away! Be the bigger person here and thank your parents then put it behind you. Nothing good will come out of venting to them :/

**hugs**

Post # 9
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think you’re overreacting a bit; your parents thought they were doing something nice for you (which they were) and will be so disappointed that you’re being ungrateful.

You’ll see so many posts of bees upset that their parents don’t support their wedding, or won’t help financially; your parents support you and wanted to give you a nice gift. Maybe it didn’t go as you planned but you should be grateful and thank them anyway (that’s what is done when you receive a gift you weren’t expecting and that wasn’t exactly what you ask for – you thank the person anyway!)

 

Sorry i’m being a bit straight forward, but I feel sorry for your parents who certainly didn’t mean any harm.

Post # 10
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Honestly, I think it was a nice gesture on the part of your parents. I think you should say thank you and be truly grateful. I’d certainly be happily surprised if anyone picked up a fifteen hundred dollar tab for me as a gift. And I wouldn’t be complaining that if I’d known they were going to, I’d have spent more.

And the irony is inescapable–you’re complaining that after everything is said and done, you got to plan your party with no interference and someone just came along and paid the balance. How many posts have I read on here where the bride is debating the relative merits of declining her parents’ financial assitance because she’s lost control of the decision making? I do believe I’ve lost count…

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

Yep, over-reacting and you should thank them and be glad you can put that money towards your married life now – always a bonus! But would I be sad I didn’t have a photographer because I thought I couldn’t afford one? ABSOLUTELY YES! You shouldn’t focus on that, though – focus on your parent’ love, your FI’s love and the money you can put towards different things.

Post # 12
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee

if there had been a poll ,  i would have said yes……you’re being an ungrateful brat and a total b*tch.  (your words)

seems like you’re annoyed because they let you pay the initial $1,000 ,  and not pick up the total bill of $2,400.  sorry but thats what i think.  its pretty ungrateful. 

Post # 13
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Really…who gets upset that someone else paid such a large balance FOR them? I’ll bet they’d be pretty disappointed and hurt if they knew their surprise for you backfired. I’d be grateful they did it at all.

Post # 14
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yeah I have to agree, you’re being a brat.  They took care of a bill for you, freeing up some of your own money for other things.  Did they do it the way you wanted, maybe not, but they gifted you $1400.00

Post # 16
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Button xox, I TOTALLY think you have the right to be minorly (or not so minorly annoyed)

Everyone who said “you just got free money, shape up!” is really missing the point that it’s the “way” it happened and the attitude that went along with it that is troublesome.

1. It’s annoying that they never did do like they said and let you know how much they could contribute, they dropped the ball there and it was inconsiderate. Like you mentioned, it would have been lovely to have a photographer had you known you could have afforded it.

2. It’s not so much that they should have asked permission to pick up the tab, but their acting like you should be groveling is ridiculous. I could see them picking up the bill on the sly and appologizing for not discussing it with you sooner, but it’s not fair that they’re bringing an attitude along with it.

 

The bottom line is that yes, you got some money out of the deal, but they failed to treat you with any of the respect or consideration that would have gone along with letting you know in advance as they said they would for something they OFFERED. Kind of like my Mother-In-Law hasseling us to make a “real” registry (rather than honeymoon) and give her gift ideas for months and then not getting us a wedding gift anyway. It’s just stupid when you save and plan for something like an adult and the “adults” around you can’t act on the same accord.

You go ahead and feel indignant, but I hope you can move past it when you’re ready.

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