(Closed) Am I being a brat or do I have a right to feel annoyed?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

@missmidcentury:

No where did the OP state they expected her to grovel, but they expected her to be thankful.

Um. ya that is because she should be!

A gift is a gift and there is waaaaayyy to much of a sense of entitlement going on in this day and age.

If she feels so ‘put out’ by the gift then I vote for her to give it back then. Problem solved.

Post # 18
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Look at it this way, you can put that money towards getting a photographer when you elope, or something else – more days away, or whatever you want. I think your parents wanted to surprise you, and while it may not have been done the way you want, you should thank them, and be done with it. You now have wiggle room in your budget for elopment, have fun with it!!!

Post # 19
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee

I think your parents probably feel like its their place to help out financially, regardless of what part of the wedding. I can understand how you’re upset that it wasn’t discussed about beforehand, but I doubt your parents wanted you to feel indebted (however, you know your parents best so maybe they are like that. I know my dad is.)

So even if your party was paid in full beforehand, I think they might have found some other way to contribute somewhere else in the wedding. So I don’t think you aren’t being a brat, but I would just be very thankful to your parents for the great gift.

Post # 20
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Elvis: This exactly! 

Sorry, OP, but if my father suddenly surprised me by paying for the balance of my wedding, I would be thrilled and beyond thankful. 

Post # 21
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Elvis, totally agree!

But, I also know what you mean with the planning. My parents are contributing to our wedding, and I just can’t stand that they have so many opinions, but without their help, I wouldn’t be able to have all the things I want. So, I can understand that if you had known up-front about your parent’s plans to contribute financially, you would have planned things differently.

One thing you mentioned is that your parents told you a long time ago that they would try to help out….and they did! It seems a little unfortunate that you didn’t discuss the money issue with them earlier in the planning process, but now you have an extra $1400 to have for your elopement(???). I agree with some other posters, now you can have a photographer to do a private shoot with you guys. Sorry that they won’t be able to recreate pictures from your party, but hopefully your guests took a lot of pictures that they can share with you!

Post # 23
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

you…. are upset because your parents helped pay for your party.

*sigh*

you make my head hurt.

Post # 24
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Just think of it this way, now you can use that money for something else for your wedding that you couldn’t afford, like photography!

Post # 25
Member
14969 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sorry, I think you’re being a brat.  Your parents just helped pay a $1400 balance.  My frist thought would be wow Thankkkk yoooou!!!  Not, well damn, why didnt you ask me if I wanted you to give me 1400 or why didnt you tell me earlier so I could spend more money on other stuff (like photography)!!  I am a firm believer that you plan what you can within your means, and if extra money shows up, bonus!!  Not trying to spend more money, just because other people have a little more to give to you.  Take the flip side, what if your parents told you they had 1k to give you and you spent it, and then last minute didnt/wouldnt/couldnt give it to you (its known to happen), which situation seems like the safer one.  I think yours.  Now you have extra money laying around that you saved and didnt have to use for this party, sounds like a good deal to me.

Post # 26
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

@pinkshoes:

Hhahaah! I read your post quickly and thought you wrote ‘spend it on pornography’ Tongue out

Post # 27
Member
14969 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Oneeleven: hahaha!  Get that mind out of the gutter!

Post # 28
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can see how you would be annoyed because it’s so hard to be told you’ll be given money then not receive it and you can’t ask or harp because that’s awkward and rude. I would shrug it off as a nice surprise and look at it as you have 1400 dollars you didn’t have before. If they act like they did you a favor I would just ignore them. They did something nice, they want to make you happy, you say thank you and I’d leave it at that.

Post # 29
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Did you ever stop to think that maybe when they offered they had it; but life happened and at that time they didn’t. Now with it being over a year passed they have it so they want to help? Also why couldn’t you start the conversation a year ago if you wanted to plan instead of waiting on them? Yes I’m sorry, I feel you’re being ungrateful. Did you love your party you planned? Would you have really done it any other way if you had more money or would it have mattered? You now have $1400 to bank or use towards your wedding. If my kids complained to me about us helping to pay, I’d probably rethink helping in the future. These are your PARENTS, you really want to complain about them helping you?

Post # 30
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yes, you are being ungrateful. Parent’s are not expected to pay for parties, weddings, rehersels, etc.  It’s YOUR party.  Maybe when your parents starting saving they had no idea how much they would be able to save by the time you would choose to have your engagement party. Therefore, they did what they could afford.  I expect NOTHING from my parent’s. If they decide to give that would be their choice and I would be very thankful. Your not a bad person because you have misplaced feeling’s. We all get those at times. Just try and use some empathy and see it from your parent’s view point.  I’m sure their intentions were good. And remember some couple’s pay for their entire event’s themselves. Your parent’s were very generous. I’m sure there were other thing’s they could have done with the money for themselves and instead gave it to you.

Post # 31
Member
7851 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can see why you might be initially miffed.  But I would let it go, since the end result is that they paid for a good chunk of your party.  It was a nice gesture that I’m sure they meant well about, so I don’t think you should let it get to you too much.

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