(Closed) Am I being a bridezilla?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
295 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s very unreasonable for you to request specific shoes for your BMs to wear unless you are purchasing them. My BMs had long dresses and every single one of them wore flats. My sister actually wore the Tom’s she wore at her wedding. No one gives a crap about the shoes they will be wearing, especially since they won’t been seen. 

Post # 18
2864 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Ladybird_: it’s not wrong to ask, but she’s within her rights to say no. If the dress is long, no one can tell if it’s a heel or not. Unless it’s long and somehow short at the same time. 

Just because someone is well off financially doesn’t mean that she should be ok buying a pair of shoes just for walking down the aisle and pictures. 

Is 1/2″ really worth the stress and angst? She should be having this internal conversation too.

She doesn’t want to be taller than her husband? Fine, he can carry a pair of flats for her to change into when they’re together. Or she can slouch when she’s around him. It’s only 1/2″

Post # 19
183 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
@cantonbride:  +1.  Long dresses, no one will see them anyway.  Let her be comfy 🙂

My bridesmaid dresses are short, so the shoes WILL be on display.  I would have liked my girls all in heels but one will be quite pregnant on the day of, so she’ll be in flats.  As long as they’re all the same color it doesn’t really matter to me.

Post # 20
149 posts
Blushing bee

@Ladybird_:  Personally, from the brief description you gave, I wouldn’t call you a Bridezilla — unless you went into full out freak out mode in her face. I would call you unreasonable, though, for demanding she wear heels.

Since you’re the bride and trying to create a matching wedding party, you are within reason to dictate colour and to veto shoes that are in disgustingly horrid condition, but not to demand a person wear heels or that they purchase new shoes if they have something that matches. Especially since no one will be able to see the freaking shoes under their long dresses! If they were short, I could understand a tiny bit, but not in this case.

Hell, I’m going to be wearing converse under my wedding dress because no one can see. And I love heels! But I have flat feet, so I’d be in agony (with that said, if someone demanded I wear heels as part of their wedding party, I’d politely respond by letting them know I would not be part of her wedding party), but more importantly, if no one sees them then it doesn’t make a lick of difference. It is for this reason that I never understood why brides with long gowns are sometimes willing to spend so much time and money on wedding shoes.




Post # 21
7973 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I think you are being unreasonable. Some people struggle to wear heels. I have a particular issue with kitten heels because I find they rub my feet raw due to the way I walk in them.

I did ask my BMs to wear navy shoes… but that was navy shoes in any style or height they wanted, as long as they were comfortable. Nothing worse than having painful feet.

In this case, the dresses are long and nobody will even see her shoes, much less care!

Post # 22
7305 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Isn’t the point of long dresses to hide whatever shoe you wear? haha Why does it matter to you that she wears heels when no one will see them anyway?

Post # 23
4692 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

No one will see the shoes.. So what does it matter?

And, a kitten heel is worlds more offensive than a flat.

Post # 24
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

No you aren’t at all! I would be annoyed too, heels give you a much better posture and formality! I wouldn’t be caught dead in a long dress without a heel unless It was a beachy type situation or casual maxi dress. You walk taller and prouder with even a little heal! Just do what the others bee’s suggested and ask her to wear one down the isle and for pics and then she can change after, and yes u can see heels vs flats with a long dress unless it’s not tailored properly. The bottom won’t lift properly and it will be noticeable if the other girls are in heels. 


Post # 25
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

why can’t she wear flats?  she wants to be comfortable.  no one is going to be looking at her feet anyway, especially if she is wearing a long dress.


Post # 26
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I was originally cool with one of my girls wearing flats (she is very tall and feels more comfortable height wise in them) as the dresses were meant to be long and you wouldn’t see them. But them the dresses arrived and they were shorter than expected so you could see the whole foot. I said I would pay for their shoes in that case so I could get ones I liked. I just bought some kitten heel ones so she will not feel too tall but it still achieves a nice look. As soon as I was paying it made it easy because provided the shoe fit them and was comfortable the choice was mine.

Post # 27
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Fox Hill Inn

@Ladybird_:  My BM’s also had long dresses and I asked them to wear heels for the ceremony and none of them minded/they all did. I just asked them not to wear crazy ridiculous high heels unless they could walk in them.

We did our photos in a park and I let the ladies know they should wear whatever shoes they were comfortable with for that as we had to walk through a park a bit to get to where we wanted photos and I didn’t want them to walk in heels if they weren’t comfortable. I also gave all my BM’s flats if they wanted to wear them during dancing at the reception. 

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask them to wear heels while walking down the aisle/for the ceremony. Even if they’re in long dresess and you can’t “see” them in pictures, etc. Even if it’s a low/kitten heel.

Post # 28
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think she’s being kind of a pain, but unfortunately I don’t think you can press the issue without being a bridezilla (or perhaps buying her the shoes yourself, but even then she might not want to wera them if she doesn’t like heels). 

My advice: drop it.

Post # 29
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Ladybird_:  Unless you are paying for their shoes, it is up to her. A request is fine but she can choose otherwise. I told my girls silver/light gray shoes…any height. As long as she meets the color requirement she is within her rights to say no to a heel.

That said…I dont think it is necessarily unreasonable – just not a battle worth fighting. No one will see her shoes with a long dress anyway.

Post # 30
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Eh… no one is going to even notice what shoes she is wearing with a long dress.  I say let her wear flats… she’s the one who has to wear the shoes, not you. 

I don’t think you are “being a bridezilla” but perhaps you are losing sight of what’s important.  Is it more important to you to have your Bridesmaid or Best Man in heels (still don’t see why that’s necessary) or to not be fighting with your friend?

Also for what it’s worth, my BMs all wore shoes of varying heights and styles (flat sandles, closed toe, open toe, kitten heels, 6” heels) and it made zero impact on any other aspect of life.

Post # 31
6515 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Ladybird_:  tell her that she has to wear heels for the ceremony and for pictures, during reception she can change into the flats she wants to wear.

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