(Closed) Am I being a bridezilla?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I say something to my bridesmaid?
    Yes : (52 votes)
    39 %
    No : (83 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 31
    3458 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I say this with nothing but love…you are being absolutely ridiculous. There is no way you can say any of the things you’re wanting to say without sounding like a jealous crazy person. I’d work on just getting over this. How different will this lady really look with her eye lashes slightly fuller or her hair a bit longer, anyway? Also, “allowing” them to wear nice dresses wasn’t exceptionally kind on your part. That’s a normal and decent thing to do. Finally, I don’t recommend you go to the extra expense of paying for all your BMs hair and makeup just to control against the possibility that one person might end up looking prettier than you on your day. I don’t care if Giselle Bundchen is your Maid/Matron of Honor wearing custom runway Gucci, there is nothing and no one that should make you doubt how radiant you will be on the happiest day of your life.

    P.S. I’m sorry if the above was a little harsh, but I’ve been in a wedding where the bride was jealous that my makeup looked better than hers (not my fault, I did it myself whereas she hired a professional who gave her a rush job) and said–out loud– “ugh, not fair. I should make you wash it off.” I let it slide because I figured it was just bride brain, but in that moment she looked like a complete lunatic. 

    Post # 32
    1117 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla, but your friend is probably using your wedding as an excuse to do a bunch of things she couldn’t justify paying for in her normal life.

    Asking your bridesmaids to wear lower heels isn’t unreasonable, either.

    Post # 33
    2346 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    View original reply
    Jenny1984:  First of all, no one will outshine you on your wedding day.  I don’t care if she jumps out of the cake, YOU and your husband will be the focus!!

    That said, I think she’s being rude by not asking you what you want first.  Now that I’m getting into trials and choosing a salon for hair and makeup, both of my girls ASKED me what I wanted them to do, so it wouldn’t be the same as me or compliment what I was doing.  I would definitely imply she tone it down!    

    Post # 34
    7635 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    springbee2015:  Wise words. The word “bridezilla” gets overused, and there is no way OP is being one.

    I think some posters are missing the point that hair extensions and fake lashes is NOT what the Bridesmaid or Best Man usually does. She’s doing it because she’s finally got a special occasion to do it. But, to be blunt, that’s not the bride’s problem. the Bridesmaid or Best Man has plenty of other times to do her makeup and eyelashes how she wants – her birthday, for instance.

    I still maintain that anything to do with her appearance which only lasts the day – i.e. makeup, lashes, hair, heels – the bride is completely within her rights to make requests, though she should pay any costs. Calling that “bridezilla” is just misusing the word.

    Finally, presumably this girl is one of OP’s best friends – so can’t a heart to heart talk fix it?

    Post # 35
    4 posts

    I voted yes. She’s probably trying to look her best for you and not doing it to outshine you. 

    It’s your wedding day. There is no way someone else can outshine you. 

    Post # 37
    114 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I wouldn’t worry too much about it, everyone will be looking at you! However, if you’re worried she’s going to have some crazy makeup going on, maybe ask her to have “natural” looking makeup? or request the shoes be a certain type?

    Post # 38
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    View original reply
    Jenny1984:  I would say that by making it about everyone being uniform vs. things you’re not happy about specific to her, you will have a better result.  Nobody wants to feel attacked or that there’s a lot of passive agressive things going on.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking for all girls to have similar hair styles, heel heights, accessories.  I wouldn’t single her out just yet.  Maybe send a group email (if you’re apart) or talk to everyone if you call all be together to discuss wedding day details.  Tell them all what you prefer for everything and give them all the option to reach out to you if they have questions (say ‘questions’, not ‘if you have any issues with that’ to keep it all positive).  Also, don’t mention them looking a certain way to compare to you- just say you have an idea of how you want the bridal party to look as a whole.  If the message still isnt received, I guess deal with that as it happens.  (try all other positive approaches before pulling the Bride card) Maybe your friend is really excited/has her own insecurities she wants to cover up. But don’t worry…everyone will be looking at you anyway!

    Post # 39
    328 posts
    Helper bee

    I would just ignore her.  Its impossible to outshine the bride because you’re the bride! Besides, it honestly sounds like she’s going to end up looking goofy.

    Post # 40
    1530 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013


    Jenny1984:  if you want all your bridesmaids to wear their hair up – do it!  Dont worry about offending anyone – its your day – and you get to decide the look you want for your pictures.  I am actually in a wedding this weekend where all the bridesmaids have to wear the same dress, get our hair done the same way, wear the same jewelry, and we had the option of 3 different pairs of shoes to wear.  Sure, some of us will probably be self concious in the dress and not love our hair – but in the end its the brides day!

    Post # 41
    113 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    Jenny1984:  My first response was going to be ‘don’t be so silly’. I’m a hair extensions and fake eyelashes kind of girl and when my friend was talking to me before about her wedding and us being her bridesmaid’s she was concerned that we’d (I say we because there’s another bridesmaid is into the same kind of thing) outshine her. I asked her how many weddings had she been to where the bridesmaids looked better than the bride? Or if she could even remember what the bridesmaids wore at the last wedding she went to? She couldn’t, but she could always remember the bride.

    Hair extensions can be done really well, and it is possible that she’s always wanted them, but as it’s expensive she’s just used a formal occasion as an excuse to treat herself. That doesn’t stop you requesting all the BM’s to have their hair up. I’d also let the false lashes slide if she’s planning on wearing ‘natural’ ones. If she wants to wear drag queen style lashes I’d ask her to think again. 

    Another lady mentioned addressing them as a group and I totally second this. Get them all together or send out a collective email stating the requirements and explain that you’re going for a uniform look. Sort’ve be like:

    ‘Hey guys! I hope you’re all doing well, this is just a message to let you know my ideas for your outfits. I have a vision for my day and I’d really like to keep a uniform look. I’ve attached some pictures of makeup styles that I think would suit all of you (so you can include images that don’t have false eyelashes if you’d prefer her to not wear them) and some hairstyles that I think would be really flattering. I’d also like to keep the shoe heels at around 3 1/2 inches so we’re all at an equal height. If you have any questions please let me know. I’m excited to hear back from you.

    Love Jenny1984′

    Also you mentioned her getting her eyebrows tattooed right before the wedding. That’s one thing I would bring up with her. There’s so many things that could go wrong, the person performing it could completely draw them wrong or she could have a negative reaction. Plus tattoos go through that gross scabby stage for a week or so as well, she can’t guarantee her skin would be healed in time. I’d ask her to consider re-arranging it, not just because of the wedding photos but for her own personal health and peace of mind.


    Post # 42
    1338 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    View original reply
    Jenny1984:  Yes. You are being a tad bridzilla-ish. She’s not getting married. Everyone knows you are the bride and the attention will be on YOU. I like my hair and make up to look perfect, especially if I’m at a fancy event. Why? Because I’m dressed up and want to feel like I am dressed properly for the event. I get my make up done for weddings I’m just a guest at. Granted it’s a friend of mine, but I want it to be perfect.

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