(Closed) Am I being a bridezilla? Am I in the wrong? Bachelor Party Concerns

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
8679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

My Fiance is having his bachelor party the night before our wedding bc it is the only

date that works for everyone. I think your Fiance will be fine. 

Post # 48
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

@bmo88:  Any party the night before the wedding least of all a Batchelor Party is a bad idea. Remind Fiance that he wouldn’t want all his future children and grandchildren looking at his wedding photos to see their (grand)father hungover with bags under his eyes. Awful idea. Put your foot down!!

Post # 49
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

No. That’s not bridezilla.

I think they aren’t thinking of the reality- they’ll go out the night before the wedding (and if you’re having a rehearsal dinner that’ll be even more difficult), stay out partying and then they’ll be super tired and possibly hungover for the wedding.

It’s a good way to make the groom look sick or tired in all the photos and if you have any last minute things to take care of that’ll all fall on you. Who feels like dragging themselves out of bed at 9am after a night of partying, to prepare for one of the most important days of their lives, followed by another night of partying?

I wouldn’t be cool with it either.

Post # 50
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

I’m really over the “you’re not his mother” comments. OP hasn’t told him she’s forbiding him to do it. She’s saying she would appreciate it if they didn’t have the bachelor party the night BEFORE their wedding, Which i think is perfectly reasonable. I’m with you OP, I’d prefer to see a happy, well slept, well presented Husband to be helping me he morning of, and standing at the alter waiting for me. It’s not her fault that the best man dropped the ball on this one, and I agree that your Fiance should be mad at his best man, not you. And should do the party without him on a weekend that suits your Fiance. 

Post # 51
Member
2278 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think you’re being a bridezilla at all – and I agree with you. I’ve asked my fiance and his groomsmen to not have his bachelor party the night before the wedding.

Post # 52
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I actually asked my Fiance his opinion on it, and he said that he feels that it’s disrespectful and a bad idea to do it before the wedding and he would never do it. I asked him if he thought that if I did ask him not to do it, if I would be giving him a curfew and he said, “You wouldn’t have to ask me not to do it because I wouldn’t, it’s irresponsible.” So for those of you nit picking at her for babying him or whatever, you’ve got a guy’s perspective on it now. He thought there was nothing wrong with this bride’s position and agreed with her. So..

Post # 53
Member
6515 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@bmo88:  I agree with you 150%.

I agree because I know my Fiance and when he goes out…he goes oooouttt til the wee hours of the morning. Yes, men don’t have much to do except sh**, shower, shave, and do their hair. However, I don’t want my Fiance to be hungover at the ceremony because you will be taking pix the entire day and it will show!

Stand your ground and explain your reasoning. No matter what your Fiance says, “we won’t be out that late” its his bachelor party, of course they are going all out! Even if it is local

Post # 54
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

View original reply
@bmo88:  You seem to be missing that he’s a big boy and I presume you wouldn’t marry someone who doesn’t have the ability to prioritize, get stuff done and show up to his wedding on time. I mean seriously, granted, my husband is 45, but I WISH I WOULD tell him I need him to get in bad so that he wasn’t cranky in the morning. I don’t have that much of a hold on my son and he’s in COLLEGE. Here’s what needs to be done and the times they need to get done. Get those things done the best way you know how. Thanks.

I don’t care how you and the other girls try and rationalize it, you’re treating him like a child. Now if he’s ok with you treating him like that, then have at it. Lots of times, people leave their parents’ house to end up marrying an extension of their parents, but you’re either going to end up with someone whose life you’ll have to manage right on down to what time he gets to sleep so he’s not cranky in the morning and can get up on time or you’re going to have someone who eventually is going to get sick of you treating him like he’s 10. Of all the bachelorette/bachelor parties I’ve been to, they’ve almost ALL been the day before the wedding. He’ll be fine. Let him enjoy HIS night before you take over the rest of his life.

Post # 55
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@bmo88:  Having a big blow out so close to the wedding is ABSURD! You are right to hold fast. I would put my foot down too.

Post # 57
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

This is coming from someone who has a very liberal attitude with alcohol: I didn’t even have my rehearsal dinner the night before because it was open bar. No way.  I told DH that if we are spending THOUSANDS of dollars on this party and investing MONTHS of planning, we both need to be 100% so we can enjoy and remember the day. But I told him this upfront – that it was important to me that there was to be no serious drinking for either of us the night before.

And agree with PP – people who are not “big drinkers” often do more than their fair share at bachelor/ette parties. Even if he has the best of intentions that he’ll only have a couple of beers, he’s human and when dudes are out with their buddies there can be a pack mentality with drinking.

To me, it’s not about controlling the other person or treating them like a child, it’s about having some respect for the most important day of your lives. Ugh the thought of being at the altar about to say our vows and having him hungover/reeking of booze just makes me cringe.

Post # 58
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@DJones69:  Best post of the entire thread.

I see this a lot especially on the bee, where wome say that they “put their foot down” with their fiances or that they would do so.  (See this thread, for example).

I wonder how these girls would take it if their men started “putting their foot down” about when they could go out.  

Doesn’t it get exhausting being in charge all the time.

I asked Fiance about this and he agreed that he wouldn’t go out and get drunk the night before, but he would have a party and a few drinks if that’s what worked best for everyone.  And I would be fine with this because he’s an adult who knows his limits on alcohol and sleep and I trust him.  Why marry someone I didn’t?   (He also raised an eyebrow at the thought of not being “allowed” to go.

Post # 59
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

View original reply
@BuBuBubbles:  Let me help you on this. If a man dared “put his foot down” every one of these woman would be screaming CONTROL, ABUSE!!!!! *smh* I’m done. 

Post # 60
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

People miss the point of OPs situation. It’s funny how some of you base OP’s entire marriage and life on one situation, that in my opinion is reasonable to ask Fiance not to go out. She’s not trying to control him or mother him. Its the night before her wedding! And it has nothing to do with not trusting Fiance, not everyone is perfect and they have their slip ups. Even if you have the best intentions of not over drinking and think, not know, but think you’ll be fine the morning of that’s not Certain. So why risk it. 

 

My Fiance does not drink, doesn’t like to go out and very responsible. But theres times, once in a blue moon, he’ll have a drink with his friends, not the best influence lol and once woke up hungover with a headache. He’s such not a drinker that that was his first hangover ever, at 38! Lol. So no ones intention his to get shit face but it happens. I’m 29, I drink, go out with friends and there has been times that I over drank and we had things to do in the morning. Fiance warned me not to drink, but I told myself Ill just have one or two drinks. I once ruined my own proposal because I was hungover the next day. And I’m talking about going out once a month or every two months, not every weekend. But I would never do that the day before my wedding. 

 

Its getting annoying that people are saying, “I would never marry someone who is irresponsible or stop me from going out.” People are going to have slip ups, doesn’t make you a horrible, irresponsible person because of one incident. And Op is trying to prevent anything protentially going wrong the day of the wedding. I have my slip ups, but my Fiance doesn’t love me anyless and I’m not irresponsible in life or my main priorities. You habe to Stop basing OPs marriage, trust and being controlling because she doesn’t want a hungover, tired, grumpy fiancé and groomsmen the day of her wedding. It could be very well that they are a million bucks that morning, but would you risk your husband not being his best on your wedding day? And guy friends are not the best influence to make sure he gets the right amount of sleep before his wedding. Lol

 

However, not everyone thinks the same, obviously and opinions are just opinions. Lol

Post # 61
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bmo88:  Your concerns are VERY valid. That would be my worst nightmare. Pretty disrespectful of the Bridesmaid or Best Man. Hope all works out.

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